Before I Knew You

New Endeavors

2011-02-12T21:41:00.000-08:00

Since our Ethiopian adoption, we have a adopted again and we have co-founded a non-profit.

Please visit Project Global Hope and learn about our work.
Or, visit us on facebook.

announcing band member #6 (a.k.a another adoption)

2010-08-05T10:45:00.001-07:00

http://justmypov.wordpress.com/

New blog: Come visit

2009-10-04T07:59:00.000-07:00

Follow my newest adventures at:

Diem to Carpe
http://diemtocarpe.blogspot.com/

Post Script (Ethiopia changes me)

2008-10-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

One post script before I go. Unless something shockingly important comes to me, this is the final one. If you have needed kleenex in the past to get through a post, I would recommend one again. If you really want a moment to reflect, I might be so bold as to say that this should be read alone and in privacy. But that's just me, because these are my thoughts and reflections and they were life changing for me.

Ethiopia changes me
I can't and won't speak for anyone else. The inadvertent use of the word "we" anywhere in this blog should be disregarded (same can be said for mother(s), American(s), women, etc). I can barely account for my own experience; I will not assume I could accurately describe anyone else's. As I have said and will say again, this is all about my filter, my view, my perspective. You might go to Ethiopia and see something else, but this is my story, this is what I saw, and this is what I carry with me.

Ethiopia was an amazing place. I learned a lot about myself and a lot about the world and I acknowledge that there is an infinite supply more to be learned. Approximately one year ago we decide to adopt a baby. No where did I ever sign up for, or agree to, anything that said I would get SO much more than I bargained for. I would do it over again, just that being the planner that I am, a little forewarning would have been much appreciated.

Wanting to expand our family, having three instead of two - seems now like such an innocent and even ignorant endeavor. I can only imagine that in any adoption there is a complexity of adding a completely new family member, culture, and possibly set of values to a family. I imagine the complexity of domestic open adoption (where you meet the birth mother), or the complexity of international adoption where you do not meet the birth family... then our experience, international adoption and meeting a birth family, they all have their own complexities. I know my words cannot do it justice.

I want to take another opportunity to say that I am looking at this situation from my Western eyes. My limited exposure to planet Earth does not allow me to have a broad perspective, or even close to a balanced perspective, of any kind. If I were born in another part of the world, or if I were born in Ethiopia, this may all look different. This is about my learning and my experience not a generalization about a culture or a group of people. Me - my experience - period.

Just two blocks down.
There were two guest houses available for families with our agency in Ethiopia. A short walk (maybe 2 blocks) from one house to another. As we made that trip several times during our stay - there was a constant. The image - A grandmother, mother and baby, sitting quietly, rocking, living right there. I don't know their story, an inability to speak their language literally and figuratively, I don't know if they were related or why they were there. But they were there - every time we passed they were there. Sitting, quietly, living. We gave them money, because we didn't know what else to do. But I felt quite small and humbled that money was all I knew to offer. Journalists and media might have the ability to photograph this situation, but it seemed intrusive and disrespectful. From my eyes it looked like the dignity of these people had been stripped. I pray that they have a different view on life than the one I saw, that they understand why... why... why. We see "homeless" and "beggars" here in the States, but I can say that I have never seen a mother and child, who looked so hungry and so needy as what we saw on that corner in Ethiopia. I am ashamed of what I have and others do not. Again, I am not looking to live in another time or another place, I just want to acknowledge privilege in whatever form it is packaged. I am sure I will never forget those three - grandmother, mother and baby. May they be blessed with whatever happiness can find them.

Mind's Eye
Strange as it may sound, I often take photographs, in my mind's eye. I decide that there is an image and I freeze it, just that way, just as a picture, no movement, no feeling or emotion, just a photo in my mind. The photo is there and I can access it whenever and wherever without much effort. And when I do, I can apply all the feeling or emotion of when the moment existed or re-evaluate it for a present emotion. (you can apply whatever pathology you want to this later, just follow me for a moment). I have an image of each of my children in their first moments "with us". I have an image of the first time Angelisa held a rattle. I have an image of Trent on a walk in the rain when we first dated. I have an image of my little brother about to hit a baseball in little league. Complete color images, with light reflections and shadows that help to remember more than the image. But it is the image, just like a photo and, as I mentioned, the feelings I apply to it.

Disclaimer
I cannot stress enough how it is impossible to accurately describe this next part using words. It is mostly emotion and reaction, it's like trying to take a picture of hot or cold, or describing a color in the dark, it just doesn't work. These are the disclaimers I must offer, because in my heart there is no way I can read my own words and be convinced, I know a reader will never be convinced, unless you were there.

Traveling to Hosanna
It was 6am on Wednesday morning (I think). As I have mentioned numerous times, I am missing blocks of time during our trip to and return from Ethiopia. I can't tell you anything about getting ready that morning or getting on the bus. I can't tell you much about the first couple of blocks... but out of the city, a new place - something I knew I needed to remember. I thought to myself, I must pay attention, I must remember ALL that I can. For Tamene, for my head and for my heart. I must remember as much as possible. The destination that day - to meet Tamene's Adda (his first mother). I knew I would not be emotionally in a place to observe the surroundings on my way home from this trip.

I watched out the window, and tried as intensely as I could to take as many pictures in my mind's eye that were possible to be absorbed. The camera was low on battery and I knew I would want to be sure to get photos (real) at Hosanna. Mile after mile, picture after picture... people - people everywhere. Walking, people walking. Where were they walking? What were they doing? Mile after mile, people walking. Mile after mile I noted the green but no bodies of water. Finally we came upon water about 2 hours into the trip. Here in Minnesota you can barely make it to the corner before you see another body of water... in Ethiopia this is not true. Green, it is green. It is beautiful. I don't know that I have seen these images much in the media. Before I knew you Ethiopia was a place with children with distended bellies and swollen eyes, being swarmed by flies, waiting for an American to skip their daily cup of coffee to "provide hope for a child." Ethiopia was a barren place with sad and sick people. Mostly helpless. Before I knew you Ethiopia could have been on another planet, and Before I knew you, Ethiopia didn't affect me. Or at least I was naive enough to have all these selfish and ignorant thoughts. Ethiopia is a beautiful, beautiful place.

Ethiopia does affect me, it did Before I knew you, and it will forever forward. Aside from Tamene's connection and obvious bond with this country, there is more. First of all a proud country, full of proud and loving people. I recommend you read up on their history. Except for a brief "misunderstanding" of occupancy by the Italians, this country has never been colonized. And they are proud of it. They are proud to live in this place. If you haven't been there, I am sure it is confusing to think about being proud and underfed. Maybe for a moment, picture being a proud American in the settling dust of the World Trade Center attack. Things don't have to be perfect for us to be proud. We just have to acknowledge or efforts, that's what makes pride.

Back to the trip... we were passing people, and animals, and people and animals. Often times we had to slow or stop on this main "highway" like road (although the only main road for miles in either direction) to wait for the people to move. The beauty of the trip was frequently and consistently interrupted by the driver sounding the horn as a warning that we were coming, however politely asking people to move. If they didn't move he would slow and wait. The only equal rights - and this is a horrible comparison- that I felt I experienced was the right of way of human, animal and vehicle, regardless of road or pavement, gravel or sidewalk.

So the bus moved along beep-beeping as I noticed the rolling hills into rolling mountains. Looking out over a hill side I see the tops of several huts' roofs peeking out from the trees, grasses, and False Banana plants. Along the way, my mind's eye is very busy snapping shot after shot. Green hillsides, Acadia Trees, people, huts. Herds herded by young boy after young boy. Small children walking alone or with older children, parents no where to be seen. Young children carrying younger children on their back. Everyone seems to be going somewhere. I imagine the parents are caring for some other family need, sending their children off to do the best they can for the day and being rewarded by returning to their home together each evening.

I continue to watch along the road taking in the sights trying so hard to notice the light and sun, and the colors, the temperature and the smells. It's so much work. I am exhausting myself. But for me and for the stories I tell Tamene, I continue to "research" and gather information. Did I talk to those around me on the bus during this time? If I did I don't remember. But the people outside and the hillsides, I remember.

Arriving in Hosanna

A day prior to this trip we were able to view video of Tamene's birth mother, meeting her would have some familiarity for me, but none for her. I would have the excitement of telling her how beautiful Tamene is and how he was already loved by all of us. She would have the difficult task of asking us if we would raise him as our own, and if we would provide for him and make sure he grew up well. Perspective continues to settle on me. Where did all of this come from? Love for a woman I had never met, compassion for a broken heart I didn't understand and empathy for grief I could not imagine - where did it come from? How did I get here. Months earlier it was only excitement about a new family member. This would be a good thing (and it is) and we would all be excited about the opportunity to be blessed by another child... no one warned me, not even a glimpse, of the heart wrenching difficulties that I was about to experience. Or, if I was warned, I wasn't listening - ignorance.

I feel that I have come a long way in sharing these parts of the story, and I will continue here. But I will stop to say that there are no words, not even a fathoming of the imagination that would allow me to try to communicate what it was like to meet Tamene's first mother. I will tell you that she is a beautiful woman. He clearly gets those amazing eyes from her. My heart sank when I saw her. They share their eyes, the profile is shockingly similar. She and I, we held each other, there was no "comforting" but rather a passing of a torch and a receiving. There was nothing that would comfort her, she was clearly heart broken, but each hug and each kiss was another creation of a memory, a hope, or a wish. I hope I heard her heart as clearly as I thought. I hope my heart spoke back as clearly as I tried. I love her. I miss her. I will never forget her hands, her touch, her skin, her hair, her eyes. Each piece of her has it's own vivid memory, each slide together to make her real. I hope that some day Tamene can meet her, and if somehow that opportunity never reveals itself, then I pray I have captured those moments strongly enough in my spirit that he will feel them when we speak of her. I will end there. Mostly because there is no end. We did leave that place, but there was no good-bye, she is with me as I hope I am, and Tamene is, with her. I hope that in the memories of Tamene she finds a moment of comfort when she is in need.

Leaving Hosanna.

We left Hosanna. I do not remember leaving. But I do recall leaving part of my heart there.

We traveled back North to Addis. Along the way our agency arranged for us to stop at the home of a "local family". I promise to educate myself more on all of this and get the terminology correct. For now, just the western view. They lived in what we would call a hut. There entire living space was the size of one room in my house. I am sure this is not a surprise, we have seen pictures and heard about this. We were there in the home of this beautiful family, maybe 7 members. I am not sure how they all slept in that space, it was small and I can imagine they each sleep next to the "fire pit" in the middle of the living area when it is cold. I'd like to consider myself privileged for something as small as being able to rest at night when I don't have to worry that my two year old might wake and decide to play in the fire.

So this little home was near a road, but you could see many homes off in the distance that were probably a few miles from the road... and we had heard of many more that lived several hours walk from the road. And on this trip in driving, I now can say I don't recall passing one hospital or medical center of any kind. We saw a couple of schools, and maybe I have a flash of a Red Cross that we might have passed... but if you live two hours drive from there and you have an emergency, I don't see that being a reasonable or likely journey... these people do not own cars. We were the privileges ones with cars, cameras, stickers, clothes and food. So no medical care near by, we didn't see any water in this area either. The children all came to us. So excited to see us or maybe excited to see what we were bringing. I had stickers. Stickers???? These are starving children and I have stickers. Again, there was no warning about this, and the trip didn't come with an informational packet outlining the correct "souvenirs" (read, survival items)to distribute to these children. So after we photograph the children with our "high tech" cameras and show them the pictures of themselves, they are so thrilled. We hand out our stickers, fellow travelers brought pretzels, toothbrushes, and other small items. We head to the bus to depart. The children follow. The windows are open and the begin to put their hands in the window. We start digging in our bags for any food we may have brought for ourselves. Protein bars... just in case I might get hungry, I brought protein bars. A day long trip and I have along a handful of protein bars because I might, might, might feel a twinge of hunger.

Let me tell you about the hands in the bus. All those little hands. This was more than reaching for a treat. More than a holiday parade where my kids have been so picky they "didn't want that kind of candy" and either wouldn't pick it up from the ground or if they did, didn't eat it later. There were the little hands. I blindly pulled things from my bag and just handed them. Not noticing that only the big enough and tall enough children were getting anything. I dug around hoping to find more. While digging I look out the window to see only the strongest were able to get items. But there was a little hand, a little girl, her fingers barely inside the bus, pushed to the back of the group but struggling to get the tip of her finger even near the bus. I saw her out there, I found one more bar, I grabbed her hand, I held it. I took her fingers and quickly and tightly wrapped it around the bar and pushed her hand back, giving her time to run before the boys might try to take the food from her. Only recently did someone explain to me that at times the children will physically fight over this food and that what we offered to them probably had bigger repercussions than just taking food and it belonging to the person possessing it at that moment. I hope that little girl was able to keep the food and eat it. I wonder if our protein bars gave a moment of relief of hunger. But that is my western view, my American description, I can't claim to know anything about what it was like for those children before, during, or after our brief and unknowing visit.

I have pictures of the home and the children that we met that day. The pictures are beautiful, the people are beautiful. Nothing about the pictures captures what we saw at that home in Ethiopia.

If this blog is making you sad, or you wonder how much longer I can go on... you have only been reading a few minutes... we were there a week. A week - a tiny drip in the bucket of time, but not enough words that exist to explain it.

An e-mail to JB while I was writing this post: I have been writing a long time... it is long (this blog). It is sad. JB, I am sad. This is not about Post Adoption Depression, I love, love, love Tamene. I couldn't be any more in love or be any more his momma in any way (ohhh it makes me soooo excited for you)... but I am so so sad about what I saw in Ethiopia, I mourn for him the loss of his first mother, I mourn for me the loss of a sister (his mother) that I never knew. - In thinking about this communication to JB, I mourn for what I did not learn about the country while I was there. I was there to bring home Tamene. And we did. But as I mentioned earlier, I didn't know this all came with the "deal". I had no idea the the emotional experience that was about to hit me like a truck. I knew that there was a big truck coming our way when we decided to adopt... but that was about a baby and a family of five that would live here in Minnesota., that was about intercultural, interracial adoption - that was about being accepted by our family. That was about bringing home a healthy child... Healthy? What did I know?

Leaving Ethiopia

Leaving Ethiopia was bittersweet. Landing in Washington DC, feeling like the adoption was real and complete, final, in it's own symbolic way. So sad that Tamene would not be able to live the beautiful culture of Ethiopia first hand, yet so grateful that he did not have to experience the effects of Ethiopia first hand.

Before I Knew You

Before I knew you I read other adopting parents notes that including fretting about the kind of bathroom they would use while in Ethiopia. Or wondering if the food would be something they "liked". Others, including myself, worried about earplugs to ensure comfort while sleeping, or feared bedbugs and the discomfort that might come from possibly sharing a home with such critters. Another concern was whether or not we would have our own private car for the trip to and from Hosanna. Families were concerned about their privacy after such an event. Privacy, really? Privacy? We- umm, I, just completely invaded and stripped this birth family, the first family, of any privacy and possibly dignity that they might have had about this situation, and I am worried about my privacy. It's wrong to worry about these kinds of things, it just is. I didn't know it then, but I know it now. There were the reasonable worries about the status of our children and the progress of adoption... I think that is all reasonable and expected. But looking back... who cares about a bathroom, who cares about what kind of food you eat for one short week of your life. Who cares if I was "comfortable enough"... I'll spare you my thoughts on childbirth in that country versus this one, only to say again, how blessed I am.

Before I Knew You the world was a smaller place. Before I knew you, I knew very little, and now I know how much more I have to learn. Before I knew you I loved you. Before I knew you, you belonged to us and to this family. Before I knew you, I prayed for you. Before I knew you.

Knowing you

Now, here I am. I know you. Little Tamene, how perfectly you fit into our family. Each of our children making the perfect fit and the perfect combination for our family. We welcome you, your first mother, your first family, first culture and life experiences... we welcome you here to this time and place. We welcome you home.

What's next?

What could be better than a story that never ends. You can watch us all live happily ever after at http://www.theyalllivehappilyeverafter.blogspot.com/ . I promise that the new blog will continue to address issues of race, diversity, adoption, gratefulness, gratitude, pre-teen years and life with a three year old boy from Ethiopia. I promise to try to offer the naked truth about my experience with my family, while maintaining the privacy and the dignity of my family.

What can I do?

I asked myself, while writting this post: What else can I do? I have many big plans and big dreams about how I can change the world... but today I will take this small step:

http://www.compassion.com/

This is a program that allows individuals to sponsor children in "developing countries" who have needs. There are many other opportunities that are out there to change the world. But, in our travel group to Ethiopia there were two familes who sponsored children through this program. They were able to meet the children they have been sponsoring and see the difference they have made in the lives of these children and their families. So, that's what I will do.

What will you do?

What will you do?

Edit 7/24/09 - We never signed up to sponsor a child. But I think I still did take action. I still did something. I still made an effort to make another small change... 5 days from now I will be in Ghana joining my two newly adopted daughters. Ghana changed me too!

They All Lived Happily Ever After

2008-10-18T09:15:00.001-07:00

Visit my new blog:
http://theyalllivedhappilyeverafter.blogspot.com/

Be sure to book mark that link; the "Before I Knew You Blog" is retiring. Each of my children has a detailed account of my journey to them and the time before I knew them. Each different, but amazing and life changing for me. Angelisa, Naven and Tamene: I love you!

Again, many thanks to those who traveled this journey with us. I have heartfelt gratitude to all of you!

If I had started this blog with a wish list of things to learn about, receive, and grow in... I couldn't have created a more perfect experience than the one I lived during the past year.

I love my children, they are all a blessing. The blessing of the journey to Tamene was more than I could have ever imagined. I learned a lot about myself, my children, my family and my friends. I view the world through a new filter, where things are complex, yet more beautiful than ever.
Hopefully, with eyes wide open, I will find more journeys, more opportunities, and more love in this short moment we call life.

See you at: They All Lived Happily Ever After
http://theyalllivedhappilyeverafter.blogspot.com/

A few responses:

2008-10-16T06:04:00.000-07:00

Seriously I can't believe cacti have made a running theme in this blog. John, I will need you to purchase a cactus that we can take photos of Tamene with (of course this will be a well monitored photo shoot and neither the child or the cactus will be injured during the filming).

NLO, I will get you pics. I am glad that you have hung around on this blog. You are my big brother and I do look to you for approval. I don't tell you how often enough that I love you and miss you desperately. Most days I encounter a childhood memory that includes you. I wish you the best every day and hope that life is offering you its best. Now, you are/have been the parent of the four legged type of children. I don't get any sympathy from you about the loss of my little Luna? Save it now, soon I will be posting pictures of my new little Ethiopian Coffee Dog... you can just rave about how cute he is!

Gram, I love our family, but the LAST thing I want to do it take a road trip with Tamene. I'd be happy to hold an open house and everyone can come here :-)

Hilde, I tried to call you and stop and see you at work. Sorry we missed you! The Sorrento Grill in DC was great, I would recommend it.

Lisa @ Work, it was great to see you. I am constantly moved by the outpouring of love that has come from this journey, thanks for walking with us.

JB and Mc Sturm, sending all the positive thoughts and vibes I have, your day is soon.

What is a family?

2008-10-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

A few random thoughts and comments.

"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." ~Erma Bombeck
How many times have you stepped on your kid, or bumped them and knocked them over and then fixed it instantly with a kiss. And why is it that you can't buy that same stuff bottled? I have never applied a band-aid, a spray, or a cream that has ever cured ANYTHING as fast as a kiss can.

Lilo: "Ohana" means "family." "Family" means " NO ONE gets left behind."
Lilo was a smart kid... she loves Elvis and family. Seriously though, think about this statement, realize how we could change our own little world if we took it literally. No one gets left behind. We are all family and we are all here to help each other succeed.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. ~Ogden Nash
Trent found the "common cold" part funny; I actually laughed at the "occasional animal" part. Let me just slip in here that a new puppy is on the way. More about him in another blog.

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu
At this very moment I am not sure if I am more proud to be the parents of my children or the children of my parents. But both ways, it worked out perfect for me!

*** I do have a new appreciation for the word family. Every time I say it or hear it, it rings louder and hits harder than ever before. I suppose it's like taking air for granted, it's not a big deal until you don't have any or you worry about the future of it. Some times we question our family or wonder how that person ever came from the same line (environmental or genetic). I thought this quote made it more clear:
We all grow up with the weight of history on us. Our ancestors dwell in the attics of our brains as they do in the spiraling chains of knowledge hidden in every cell of our bodies. ~Shirley Abbott

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard
I agree, and frankly, if you are out there and you need one of these "families", let me know, I'd be happy to have you (stalkers and unwanted lurkers excluded). I'd say if there is anything I learned from my family, it's that anyone can be part of the family if they really want to be, all you have to have are the guts to come on in!

Just a few final words for tonight. Love you all!
KamPossible

From dictionary.com...
Synonyms:
ancestry, ancestry. associated words: genealogist, brood, cadency, category, children, clan, class, cognomen, descendants, domesticity, dynasty, extended family, family tree, foris-familiate, genealogy, generation, gens, group, household, kin, kindred, kinsmen, line, lineage, menage, nepotic, nepotism, nuclear family, offspring, paternity, pedigree, progeny, relatives, tribe

Definitions:
–noun
1. parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not.
2. the children of one person or one couple collectively: We want a large family.
3. the spouse and children of one person: We're taking the family on vacation next week.
4. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.
5. all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.
6. Chiefly British. approved lineage, esp. noble, titled, famous, or wealthy ancestry: young men of family.
7. a group of persons who form a household under one head, including parents, children, and servants.
8. the staff, or body of assistants, of an official: the office family.
9. a group of related things or people: the family of romantic poets; the halogen family of elements.
10. a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently, live together: Many hippie communes of the sixties regarded themselves as families.
11. a group of products or product models made by the same manufacturer or producer.
12. Biology. the usual major subdivision of an order or suborder in the classification of plants, animals, fungi, etc., usually consisting of several genera.
13. Slang. a unit of the Mafia or Cosa Nostra operating in one area under a local leader.
14. Linguistics. the largest category into which languages related by common origin can be classified with certainty: Indo-European, Sino-Tibetan, and Austronesian are the most widely spoken families of languages. Compare stock (def. 12), subfamily (def. 2).
15. Mathematics.
a. a given class of solutions of the same basic equation, differing from one another only by the different values assigned to the constants in the equation.
b. a class of functions or the like defined by an expression containing a parameter.
c. a set.
–adjective
16.of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a family: a family trait.
17.belonging to or used by a family: a family automobile; a family room.
18. suitable or appropriate for adults and children: a family amusement park.
19. not containing obscene language: a family newspaper.
—Idiom
20.in a or the family way, pregnant.

What I've Learned

2008-10-15T18:58:00.000-07:00

I have learned that the world is a very big place. And I am a very small piece of it.

I have learned that doing anything to improve the world, no matter how small, is huge.

I have learned that love comes in many packages; it is not for me to decide, but for my heart to accept.

I have learned how little I know, how little control I have, and how everything can be put into perspective. It's a choice I make.

I have learned that I cannot be taught patience, but that patience will be applied to me as needed, I do not have control.

The smile of a child is one of the greatest gifts that we can receive.

No matter how long you live, in the end, you have lived exactly long enough.

Family means love; biology doesn't have the final say.

Loss prepares us and gives us strength. I don't like it, but that's the way it is.

Letting other people help is a sign of strength and wisdom, not weakness.

The power of the statement "ask and ye shall receive" is as powerful as "if you do not ask, you will not receive"

Opportunities are only opportunities if you seize them.

Don't judge, educate.

Fear is just an excuse. (I can catch a Hershey bar out the window at 70 mph.

Friendship is not measured by the quantity, it is measured by the quality.

Never under estimate the power of ice cream.

All of these words, from "Once upon a time" until, "They all lived happily ever after" have been about my journey before meeting Tamene, Before I Knew You.

I still have a lot to learn about little Tamene, I still have a lot to learn about each of my children, and they have a lot to teach me. I am so grateful for each of my precious gifts and the ability to share them with my wonderful husband.

At this very moment my three children sleep together, and comfort each other to sleep through the night. Sharing love and comfort and understanding of what each needs, and what each must sacrifice, to support each other through another night of sleep.

May I continuously encounter opportunities to learn and to be taught.

Reflections

2008-10-14T08:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I assembled a photo album of our trip. 200 photos. I noticed a couple of common themes. Tamene moves a lot. Tamene likes the bus. Tamene can throw a great tantrum.

In most of the pictures Tamene is smiling and as adorable as can be. You can see those huge eyelashes in almost every picture. But there are a couple of occasions where we have a play-by-play of a full blown tantrum. Head back, body on the ground, face in the dirt, pictures don't capture the fine sobbing noise he has mastered over the course of his short life, but is it humorous.

The light is different in Ethiopia. Maybe the elevation, maybe the positioning in relation to the equator. I am not sure. But it is beautiful. Some of the pictures are so amazing. The light in Africa made everything more beautiful... visually. I continue to be hesitant to comment on the people and the culture of Ethiopia, because I cannot do it justice. Through my Western filter there are so many blind spots. Since meeting Tamene's birth mother, I have wished many times that I could view the world through her eyes, just for a moment. I do not wish to have a different life or to be in another time or place... but I wish that I could have the capacity to see the world in many different lights, just one of those being this woman's eyes whose heart I wished I could comfort.

I live in a beautiful place. There is a pond I can see from one window and the colorful effects of fall upon the trees through another window. A cool breeze across my face as I snuggle into my warm clothes, with an apple and a cup of tea. An infinite supply of information at my fingertips. This is a great place to be. I am grateful and blessed and would not give it away, but I do feel that I have missed out understanding the complexity of planet Earth. I have a new desire to understand what lays beyond the edge of my world. I have a slight sense of panic realizing how much more there is to learn, and how little time we are given to do it in.

Eleven days ago we returned from Ethiopia. I cannot say that I am rested or recovered from the trip, the whole experience. There are still many pieces of the trip that I cannot put into words, and then of course there are periods in time that I don't even remember.

A few people have asked what I would do differently, or maybe what advice I would have for others. I am satisfied about the time I spent making lists, it didn't seem waisted. I was happy with the amount of packing I did, I felt prepared for most any situation I encountered, as well as a couple for fellow travelers. I would have been more prepared had I ever traveled out of the country before. I did enough research that there were several things that felt "familiar". All in all, I feel good about how things went. Trent and I were very, very grateful to have Jamie along. I can't say I would recommend that other people bring a travel companion, unless you have a Soul Sister you can bring. This isn't just any trip, and not just anyone will do. I won't speak for her, but I don't think Soul Sister's services are for hire. So I can't offer any additional advice about how to make the trip better for someone else. But if I had to (or do do) it all over again, having my Soul Sister there was the core of what little sanity I took with me and I would do it again.

Tamene continues to adjust and is doing well. We have a few minor (and very temporary) medical issues that we are dealing with. But this is all to be expected. He has been communicating with us well - all non-verbal at this point. And he seems to understand most things that we tell him.

I continue to plan to close this blog in the near future. I am just keeping it as a security blanket to give me the opportunity to add any new thoughts that come to me about the adoption or specifically our trip.

I continue to feel extreme gratitude towards all those who have walked with us during our adoption journey.

Much love to all...

2008-10-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

(warning: possible Kleenex post)
I know I have mentioned in previous posts, I try to be careful about who or what I reference, as some people are more private than others. Or, there are things that just don't seem appropriate to share.

I do want to protect privacy, but there are a couple of incidents that I want here for the purpose of documentation. As tired and overwhelmed as Trent and I are, there are blocks of time missing from our memory from the past couple of weeks. When I read over my notes on our trip to Ethiopia, some of it was a surprise to me. So I'd like to justify the following post by saying, with all due respect, this is for documentation for us and our children about this time in our lives, I ask for forgiveness in advance if this seems inappropriate.

Saturday we buried Luna. We took her to Jamie's parents farm and she rests now near the dog the Macks recently lost. It's amazing what we (humans) can find comfort in. Luna is buried with a bone and few outfits I bought her as a puppy (mostly to irritate Trent), and all the tears of serendipity I could fit in one little wooden box. We said our good byes and each of the children shoveled a little piece of earth onto the box. It's amazing how much of my heart went into that box. It's a good thing that love and heart are infinite...

Sunday (yesterday) we went to the hospital to visit Trent's grandpa. He has not been feeling well and all the family went to visit. Grandpa was able to meet Tamene and we were able to tell him about our trip to Africa. Today... tonight, Grandpa has gone home to his final resting place. I feel honored and blessed to have met this man and his wife, who is an amazing Grandma, and to have shared our adoption journey before he passed. There is much more I could say, but I want to respect that this is a difficult and sad time for our family. I just want to say that we loved Grandpa and that he will be missed greatly by this family.

Much love to all our friends and family. Good night.

For when he wakes...

2008-10-12T23:56:00.000-07:00

I saw this quote framed recently. I love it!

Let him sleep, for when he wakes he will move mountains.

Tamene continues to show us an abundance of energy. I cannot sleep tonight, but am hoping that he will continue to rest, so I can go back to sleep as soon as my eyes get tired again. Tamene is an amazing little boy. He has the greatest smile and brings out the best in Naven and Angelisa. Don't get me wrong, they are already showing clear signes of Siblingdom, but Angelisa is such a great teacher and Naven is so compassionate. They both work to comfort him. Each one of my children has such unique gifts. It is amazing to watch thier relationship grow and settle in so quickly. Tamene makes Naven and Angelisa laugh. He is such a little performer. Ahhh, it is so quiet here in the Peterson household at 2 am on a Monday morning. It sure is nice to be the mother of a sleeping family.

Experiencing Gratitude

2008-10-11T06:11:00.000-07:00

Denis Wait
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new.

William Arthur Ward:
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

Felix Frankfurter:
Gratitude is one of the least articulate of the emotions, especially when it is deep.

Theory of Relativity

2008-10-10T06:21:00.000-07:00

We are all doing fine today. I'd say that things seem more normal today. But I am confident that I don't know what normal is any more. Thanks to everyone who helped us make it through the last 48 hours, and thanks for all the calls to check in on us.

Tamene and Meadow have mostly called a truce. Tamene will allow Meadow in his space without screaming, but if she gets too close he will try to step on her or throw something. Poor Meadow. Don't worry, we are working with Tamene to correct the problem. He seems to be getting it... well actually he always seems to get it, the question is how long and hard he wants to test the limits before actually following directions.

Tamene ran and played so very hard yesterday. We thought he would be wiped out and sleep right through the night. Nope. And he was up this morning full of energy and ready to go again. I am going to blame this on continued jet lag, time confusion of some kind. I can't wait to see the mess I have on my hands when he finally crashes. Or maybe he does indeed come equipped with this much energy. Only time will tell. Or maybe a little study on E=mc2, will help me figure out how much energy he has left? If nothing else works, I will have to start moving a lot faster and hope for the Theory of Relativity to kick in!

Wish us well on our first coherent weekend together as a family of 5, may we all have as much or more energy than Tamene.

Goodnight Moon

2008-10-09T03:34:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if this post requires a Kleenex warning or not. I can tell you, I have finished off a box of Kleenex and moved on to a roll of toilet paper.

Our adoption journey has a parallel story or maybe a predecessory journey that has helped me prepare for our Adoption Journey in the most amazing and, well... serendipitous way.

"Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for." - Lawrence Block

As the story goes, I wanted a baby. It was last November when it all started. We had just begun considering the adoption process, and we didn't have any idea how long it would all take. But my maternal instincts were so strong. I was desperately in need of a baby.

Only weeks, maybe days, after Trent and I first discussed adoption, we were approaching Christmas and my mom talked about how her friend had some puppies that would make great Christmas gifts. The idea was for other people, not for me. My mom hadn't intended for me to take this suggestion personally. But before we ended our phone conversation, I wanted a puppy.

I wanted a puppy, the puppy should be little and cute, and should be mine. I didn't know how instrumental she would be in distracting me from the wait in our adoption.

In just a day or two, my mom managed to get me pictures of this little puppy, a girl, (so tiny) that would be mine. I immediately drew the conclusion that as difficult as the wait would be for a puppy, whose picture I held in my hand; how much more difficult would the wait be for a child when I held that picture in my hand.

I printed out the pictures and carried them with me and decided on a name. Before we knew Tamene we called him Baby Kashi... I thought to name the puppy Kashi, but the name had been assigned it's purpose and she would need another. I stuck with the food pattern and she would be named Luna. (Kashi bars and Luna bars, my favorite standby food for triathlons, trips to Africa, and your basic "make it through the morning snack").

Luna's picture in hand, I waited for her to arrive. The wait seemed long and I was so excited. I frequently noted my excitement and wondered how I would ever make it through the wait for a child if I was barely making it through the wait for this bundle of puppy.

At last she arrived. And she loved me. She followed me and was always near by. She was sneaky and loved to steal things and hide them under a chair or table. Before company would visit I knew to remove the random pieces of papers, toys, socks, underwear and other items she had stolen and moved into hiding. Though I never minded. I loved her and the cuteness was worth the inconvenience.

She really belonged to both Angelisa and I. Only responding to us in our plea to have her come so we might take her out or settle her in for the night. I was proud when she didn't go to other people. She knew she was my dog and she would come to me no matter what.

Last night serendipity set in. We lost Luna, her short life and even shorter time with us had come to an end. She came in to help me through the wait. She prepared me for the experience and then as quickly as she stole my heart it was broken.

In the moment of loss I realized just how this little dog had prepared me for so much. Prepared me for the wait. Knowing what it would be like to look at a picture and to fall in love before meeting. And that the bond could be immediate and binding with only one glance.

She prepared me for the tornado that can come in a small package. She always created more drama and had more needs than the big dog, Meadow, and some days even more than the children combined.

She was cautious, she looked to me to make it ok, she always stayed near by, I never wondered where she was, always with me, sometimes so near I couldn't see her.

I loved this little dog. I loved her, and I was proud of her. Proud that she was cute and wild, but most of all that she loved me. Sassy, she was so sassy. She knew how to get attention. Every morning she would come to me for petting and love before she could do anything else, so adorable. Most mornings I would stop everything to hold her for several minutes or until Trent asked if I planned to go to work.

Tamene was afraid of her at first, but they interacted. She was somehow different now that he had arrived. A little grown up and a little more demanding. It seemed that there would be either a battle of the hierarchy or a passing of the torch. Just the night before Tamene and Luna had called a truce and he kissed her... from fear of her to kissing her in just days. And that was it. It seemed she approved and there wouldn't be a battle of the hierarchy, just acceptance, and later we would see a passing of the torch.

We have lost our little Luna, the 6 pound puppy who could create a tornado or take down the big dog as needed, make Trent fall in love with her (the little rat that she was)... and overcome her own fears to allow another human to find a moment of peace and accomplishment in allowing them to pet her.

So much of this seems to prepare us for our 3 year old tornado, who seems to come to me for comfort. Tamene, awaking this morning as I type, coming for his love, and ensuring he got his hug and planted a big kiss on Mommy.

I loved Luna. Loved. I just wanted a puppy, I just wanted to be a mommy. I couldn't bear the wait to Tamene alone. I needed a partner, though not often silent in voice, always right there to comfort my anxiety or fears or bring a smile in the times of worry and impatience. She was sent as a gift with a purpose. She offered more than I ever could have asked or dreamed and then she was gone. As timely as she arrived, she left. Not without making her parting peace with the little boy who stole my heart from her.

Tamene leans to kiss her on the nose, as afraid as he was of the little dog, a kiss. I witnessed the kiss and I did know everything would be ok. I wish she didn't have to leave us, I wish she could have stayed, but as an angel comes to comfort and then leaves you when you are strong, so did little Luna.

Goodnight Moon.

Honoring Adda

2008-10-08T07:24:00.000-07:00

I have edited this several times since posting... I just can't get the words right... but I have received feedback that Kleenex may be required during the reading of this post.

Our trip to Hosanna. Many of you have asked about this. The purpose of the trip was to meet Tamene's birth mother. The information and content of the meeting is very private, and mostly there are not words to describe what we encountered. I want to offer some thoughts that are appropriate to share with our friends and family as well as an overview here in the blog for our children to have a basic understanding of the content of this meeting.

The details of Tamene's life before he came to be with us are private and belong only to him. We are the keepers of this information until he is ready to accept it. And we will honor the privacy that is due him and his life before we knew him.

Our trip to Hosanna started very early in the morning. The nannies came to the guest house to care for the children for the day while we were traveling (this is not normal procedure, but due to the holidays there were many changes and exceptions in our schedule). It was hard to leave Tamene knowing where I was going and that I would see his birth mother.

The trip to Hosanna took about three and a half hours by bus. The first thirty to forty-five minutes we were still leaving the city, Addis. After that it was all country side. Beautiful mountains and amazing plant life. Considering the severe drought affecting this area, it is so green and beautiful. I have traveled in the states before, seen the leaves changing color on the east cost, and not been so impressed. We live in a beautiful place in the Midwest. We get to see the leave change color, and watch the sun rise over our own mini-oceans. We swim in clean and beautiful rivers. We know the hot summers and enjoy the opportunity to experience snow at Christmas. We complain at times, but deep down we live here because we love it, there is something that draws us here. We don't have mountains, but we do have rolling hills, we don't have deserts, but we play in the sand dunes. I wasn't prepared for the sights I was about to experience.

In Ethiopia, the sky is beautiful and the light reflects off the land differently than here at home. With the altitude, you see the foliage in a shade of green that we do not experience here. It is deep and intense and provides more beauty than even our green spring. Or, that is what the eyes of my eyes saw.

The conflicting story. The bigger surprise that was in store for me was the state of the people that was initially masked by the beauty of the land. So many people, walking, walking. So many children working and seemingly young and alone, with no sign of a caretaker for protection. I can only comment from my Western eyes what this must be like for the people, how difficult life must be, but only compared to the ease and abundance we know in the United States. For them it may be different, many of them appear quite happy. I wonder if they wake to see the sun rise and note its beauty the same as I, half a world a way. I have to assume these people do not long for Nintendo, microwaves and baseball. They seek out the true and basic needs in life: food, shelter, clothing, and I must add spirituality. The children smile and many of the people wave to us and shout out any American words they may have learned. Only they know their state of happiness and content, it is not for me to guess or assume.

I thought that the US media had to drive hundreds of miles, through difficult terrain and search far and wide for these people who live in mud huts and have little or no food. People without shoes and who gather together in large communities to survive. No, it is the way of life. There it is, ever present and as far as the eye can see. I can't say "just like on TV" because it is not. The experience of the presence of these people and this state cannot be covered accurately by any journalist and most certainly not by me. Again, I can only assume through my Western eyes that these people, provided food, shelter, clothing and freedom of religion, are not only happy, but very proud of the lives they live. It is only my eyes that can judge and "feel sorry".

Our visit seemed intrusive in many ways. I longed to take a picture of the man whose feet clearly told a story of his life. But he seemed so proud and it seemed wrong for me to take his pride to turn it into my souvenir. There were many moments like this. Many times I wanted to capture a picture, but that there was no way the picture would do justice to the moment that was frozen. It is not about a moment... it is about a culture, a life time, a story.

Prior to leaving for Ethiopia many adoptive parents shared concerns of what to eat, where to go to the bathroom and how to avoid getting ill. After seeing this country, those thoughts are embarrassing. I am embarrassed that I don't know better about our world and the planet that we humans share. Even more embarrassing is the fact that some of us prefer that we don't share. With an attitude of, "I know what's mine... those people and their government should figure it out for themselves." I know longer can claim the ignorance that once might have allowed those thoughts to be acceptable.

We made one stop to view the home of an Ethiopian family. A small hut, which many of us have one room in our home that would surpass this entire dwelling in size. Children came from no where. Appearing and looking for food and candy, stickers, anything we might offer. I quickly realized that survival of the fittest was at work, and I looked for the young or the more needy to try to get something directly to them. Any one of these children could have been me or my own children, had we not been born into such blessing and abundance. Human life is an amazing thing!

In Hosanna we did meet Tamene's birth mother. I will tell you that there are no words to accurately describe this encounter. And only those who were there and who witnessed this can ever understand. The fragility and resiliency of human life meet and you are there as a witness and only the experience itself can resonate to make its own sound and create its own meaning.

We were the last of nine families called to meet Tamene's birth mother. In the room, three chairs, one for each Trent and I and her. Two interpreters one for her language one for ours and the two interpreters to share a common language to pass the words that would be spoken.

It was quickly evident that my attempt to prepare for culture and this meeting was not accounted for in the questions we would ask. The many hours spent preparing would be set aside to settle into the moment and collect what we could. My brain, my thinking brain, taking snapshot after snapshot of this beautiful woman. Each expression, each move, a new imprint to store forever, for Tamene.

I would say it is clear that Worqenesh (Tamene's birth mother) had a plan for this child, a plan that was inspired by God. Worqenesh means "precious gold" not as in gold the metal, but gold the quality of being a precious gift. We told her she was indeed precious gold to us. She named Tamene for she knew there was a way for him, a plan. His name, to her, meaning "believed" as she believed there was a way for him.

In addition to other information, we exchanged information about our religion and asked her about the holidays she would like Tamene to celebrate. She is Christian and would like Tamene to celebrate the Ethiopian Easter, Ethiopian Christmas and Meskal (the celebration of the finding of the cross Jesus was crucified on).

She continued saying that it was important for Tamene to know God and to know Jesus. But that it is not enough for him just to know, he must teach others. Regardless of any one's beliefs or even the future beliefs of my children, one can understand the importance of this statement to this woman. She wanted good things for him, and education and a family that loved him as their own... but she wanted him to do good for the world and to teach others about good. Again, there are no words that can explain the surge that exploded in my body as I heard these words translated to us. I could not possibly be worthy to carry out this request.

There is so much more to say about this meting. So much more that I experienced and felt, and remember, and have as vivid images in my mind. I can tell you he has his mothers eyes, in the most amazing way. I will never forget her. Her eyes, her skin, her hair, and the way we held each other and did not want to let go, not for our own needs but for the wishes of this little soul that we both have the honor and privilege of sharing in.

She asked that in our home we call her Adda. This means mommy in Tamene's first language that he shared with his mother.

I love you Adda, thank you for allowing us the honor of being part of this special life!

Rain Rain... go away.

2008-10-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

A quick update on Tamene. More to come on the trip, maybe tomorrow I will have time.

Tamene is adjusting well. He has been "trained" very well by the nannies how to get his way. He knows when to be cute and when to throw a tantrum. When I say cute, I mean cute. He flips a switch and goes from whatever to a big pucker for a kiss or arms wide for the tightest hug he can offer. And when I say tantrum, we are talking classic, on the floor rolling from side to side. You can even catch him checking to make sure he has your attention before creating a bigger scene if needed.

He appears to be a bit of a planner (awe, momma's boy). He seems to decide an action in his head before he carries it out. What makes that interesting is he goes from general play to mischievous in under 2 seconds. He dismantles the vents and inserts random items. I have had to retrieve a calculator, pencil, and measuring tape. There was a super ball that just didn't make it, I suspect it rests near a filter somewhere in the silver pipe it calls heaven.

Tamene is adjusting to Luna (our small dog), but met Meadow (our large dog) for the first time today. His reaction to both was similar to start. He things they are pretty cool as long as they are more than mom's arms distance away. Any closer than that and Tamene turns into a screaming cling-on. Or at least that was true when he first met Luna. As of tonight, Meadow is a monster in his mind, but he did decide to kiss Luna, so I felt that was excellent progress.

We went to the doctor today. For fear of being judged now, or by Tamene in the future, I won't tell you the details, but considering the circumstances he is "healthy". We have lots of follow up to watch his growth and ensure he has all the immunities we would expect. Consider the appointment "good news" on all accounts.

Siblingdom... this is going well too. Angelisa is a great helper as expected and she is also a great teacher. She worked hard tonight to get Tamene to accept Meadow. She understood that it might be too soon, but she didn't give up. Naven is doing well too. He really is in love with Tamene. He wants so badly for Tamene to just curl up next to him and be a baby brother. Tonight Naven wanted Tamene to sleep by him. Now mind you, Naven has an auto cry switch that can be turned on by telling him it is time to go to bed... but he thought Tamene should just climb right into bed with him, curl up and go to sleep. His heart was broken when it didn't happen that way. Tamene also has an auto cry switch related to any movement towards sleeping or resting time. So quite the pair they are!

Mommy and Daddy are doing well too. I won't speak for Trent but in my opinion he is doing well, recovering from jet lag and taking charge wherever he can or I don't. Our team skills are not lacking. I am recovering from a very bad cold and have horrible outbreak of cold sores. I look a bit like I have been in the boxing ring. I can't say I am as resilient in the jet lag area as Jamie and Trent have been, but I am coming along. It's been rainy today and that doesn't help at all. It doesn't help my jet lag and it sure doesn't help Tamene wear off any extra energy!

Tamene turns 3 in just a few days... it really was never the terrible twos for any parent, was it? It's the independent threes that will get you. I have a few more days to get rested before we start that chapter!

Home Alone

2008-10-06T08:34:00.000-07:00

Day one, home alone with Tamene. Only a couple hours into it, but he is napping so I thought I would share a few thoughts.

He and I still don't have a grip on the sleep schedule. He was up at some odd hour, not even sure... 2 or 3 am. He did go to bed around 7. We went to the store and he fell asleep on the way home. We knew the right thing was to wake him back up for an hour or so, but we were too tired I told Trent I would rather let him sleep then and suffer the consequences of an early rise.

This morning when Trent got up with Angelisa and Naven, I laid back down for a little more rest while he watch Tamene and then a couple hours later laid Tamene down and rested again. I have a horrible head cold/respiratory cold of some kind and it's difficult to sleep well. I also have a cold sore that popped up this morning, so I feel kind of miserable.

If there are any fellow adopters out there still reading this blog, I have a recommendation for you about returning from travel. Have your mother make chicken soup. It's the only thing I have wanted to eat since arriving home. (All the cravings were covered in the DC airport). It has to be the soup your mom makes. So you might even need your mother and mother-in-law to make a batch so each of you has exactly what you need. My mom made a huge pot and I am currently eating the last bowl. Not sure what I will eat now.

So Tamene and I went to the bus stop to see Trent and the kids off for the day. We want him to see that we leave, and then come home. Everyone comes back. The crisis, of course, was that he wanted to ride on the bus. He cried... and cried. But he did stop once we were back in the house. I can't wait to see how excited he is when the kids come home.

The trip to Ethiopia was very emotional and I hesitate to try to put it into words, there are no words that can do it justice. It was amazing. I thought I might start with a few comments about the plane ride home, just to test the waters for my soul.

Jamie held Tamene as we flew from Addis to Rome. Trent and I slept, or passed out... something like that. I believe we were all pretty awake from Rome to DC. We each spent time walking with Tamene, or playing, or helping him to stop crying. He did well considering all the circumstances. I think Jamie changed most of the diapers and Trent and I did most of the walking with him. Though Jamie had to stand for long periods of time trying to get him to sleep.

At one point during the flight an Ethiopian man approached Jamie and the crying/tantruming Tamene. He took Tamene from her. This seemed very common, that if a child was upset or the parent seemed to have trouble, someone would just come to assist. We found this throughout our trip. Many of the Ethiopian men or women would come to hold Tamene or distract him, in any way they could help. This is so different from America, don't most of us roll our eyes and wonder why the parent can't get their kid to behave? In any case the man calmed him down and then Jamie explained that Trent and I (in the seat behind her) were the parents. He came to us with Tamene now calm. He thanked us for our help to his county and for taking one of their children. He said, "This is a wonderful thing that you do. Thank you."

Here in the States it has been a struggle when people say this is a good thing that we are doing, or how "honorable" it is. Trent and I, for many selfish reasons, wanted to grow our family. We really never considered, in our decision making, that this was about helping someone else. It is true that it is, but here in America, inside the adoption circle, it is a bit frowned upon to take in a child because you want to help or save a child. The best reason (again in the culture of adoption in the US) is often only because of the selfish reason of wanting to parent. I am not going to go into the philosophy of my thoughts on all of this. But let me tell you how humbling it is when you realize that indeed you have done something that makes you look as if a "hero" to another human. This man was clearly moved and appreciative of our actions to help his country and their children. I feel no different myself, I still recognize our reasons for adopting, but feel that there is so much more to this adoption journey than to simply parent a child. I too, have been adopted, by Ethiopia and feel a part of the people.

I recall another adoptive parent explaining her homesick feeling for Ethiopia and wanting to return. Though I am incredibly happy and appreciative to be home, there are pieces of Ethiopia that I miss, and those reasons sometimes make me sad that we took Tamene from such a beautiful and amazing place. I hope to raise him to love America and Ethiopia for all the great qualities both countries have to offer. The day before we were to leave, I did cry in thinking about the fact that we were taking him out of Africa. May our journey continue to be blessed by God, as this is not something I feel I would have the power to do on my own, but only through a divine plan.

Exhaustion: Returning Home

2008-10-04T18:56:00.000-07:00

I know many of you are wondering how we are doing, and would like a detailed report. I promise to get to that in the next couple of days. I haven't made any phone calls to even let people know we have arrived home.

We all made it home safely and mostly healthy. Fatigue and jet lag have set in and I am disoriented at times. The grandparents were here to greet us when we arrived home yesterday. I don't recall much of the conversation or even eating dinner (At this moment, I can't even recall if I did eat). It's all a blur.

So either I am just exhausted, or I am starting to get a virus of some kind. I am doing well, but as I mentioned with the jet lag issues, I am never sure if I am tired or fatigued.

It was great to get home and see Naven and Angelisa, I missed them so much. They seem so grown up after being gone from them for so long.

Tamene is adjusting well to the family. He fits right in, he has been eating well and he too seems confused about sleep.

I will write more later, but wanted to let you all know we arrived safely. We appreciate all the well wishes, prayers, and support of our family and friends.

One More Day!

2008-10-02T18:37:00.000-07:00

Last night we went out to dinner, with Solomon, this is the brother of a friend of ours from America.
He was so kind to come get us and take us out to eat. Now this story gets funny because the Americans don't completely understand the Ethiopian culture in this story. There is no intention to offend or make fun of Ethiopia, only to make fun of the dumb Americans who had no idea what we were getting into (The person responsible for this shall remain nameless).

So Solomon comes to get us from the guest house in the Toyota Corolla he has rented for the day for 120 birr ($12 US). Everyone here is either transported by bus or by a 1980's Toyota Corolla (this is a generalization of course). Now we have been riding in a bus for the past week, up/higher than the traffic and the people. Now being driven in a Toyota Corolla, we are below eye level with the many, many people who approach us in the worst rush hour traffic you can imagine. Solomon sends them away, but it is difficult for me because many of them know just enough English to say "Please Mister. Hungry. Please Mister. Hungry". It is so sad, some of them are very small children that are looking for food and/or money.

So we arrive at the restaurant after 30+ minutes of stop and go traffic - think whip lash type of stop and go, not your basic traffic. You know the mother panick gasp that women make when their children fall? Trent did this on more than one occasion. Solomon told Trent to relax, "Relax, relax no problem". Trent asked him if he ever hit anyone, "Oh, yes. Not hurt but very angry." Solomon insisted that "God is under control" (this is not a typo).

At the restaurant Solomon asks us if we like meat -at the guest house we have eaten enough carbs to explode the basic intestinal track, so meat sounded excellent. He asked us if we like meat with a little fire or medium fire, he would order a good dish called Kitfo. He literally meant how much fire the Kitfo would be cooked with, not the amount of spice being cooked with. Shortly thereafter we were served two large dishes of ground beef, one cooked with a "little fire", one with "medium fire"... this should be read as one completely raw, and one cooked rare (but I didn't know this until hours after eating and a Google search). Solomon insisted this was fresh and we should eat. He even called our friend in America to have her tell us we should eat Kitfo... In any case, I felt very bad not to eat, so I insisted all of the meat needed "more fire". In Amharic the waiter and Solomon discussed that the Americans do not eat so much, so he shouldn't order too much. Interesting, all the Americans I know can eat a lot, maybe, just maybe it has to do with this being raw meat. (you make the call). In addition to this chaos I managed to spill coffee twice and dump the entire cup over after that. Then we moved to a new table and Tamene managed to dump over more coffee and a glass of water. Take note, we were the only Americans in the place. I am sure we made a great impression.

Anyway, trying so hard not to be rude, I ate a very, very large portion of injera (this is a large flat bread, made with fermented mix). The problem is that my stomach is probably more used to eating under-cooked meat than large portions of fermented bread. I'll spare you the details, but I am still recovering from this cultural faux pas. I expect to be well enough to manage the plane ride without too much trouble. Also, do you know if you eat large doses of Pepto, your tongue turns black? Not kind of black, not a little spot, the whole thing turns black - yuck.

So, it was an experience we will remember. But I do have some great words from Solomon that I would like to leave from Ethiopia with:

"In this part of the earth we are closer to heaven and we touch the sky."

An amazing way to end our journey here in Ethiopia!

Getting close to coming home

2008-10-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

Kamille sent this morning:
Today we participated in a Farwell ceremony for the children. So we went back to the care center. We received a card with well wishes for Tamene from the staff. They dressed them all in traditional clothes and after we ate cake and drank soda.

It was sad and a relief to leave there and know that Tamene would not be going back. They took such good care of him. But now we have passed some of the major milestones for this adoption. Just getting back in the US, as the final hurdle.

Thank so much for everyone who sent donations they went to an orphanage and a children's hospital. The need here is so great, everything helps.

So Embassy day. We passed through two security check points (someone, who shall remain nameless, left her iPod in her purse - and it wasn't me) without too much trouble. Then we waited for our names to be called. Frankly, I continue to be confused about days and dates and times. Many days I am quite confident I have been here for months. In any case, we waited at the Embassy for what seemed like many hours, before our name was called and we had a 2 minute interview to get Tamene's Visa. In the "hours" of waiting prior, Tamene was very determined that he was going to be outside running around. There isn't much for grass around here, so we hung out on the cement walk-way. This was clearly not enough space for Tamene. Wait, let me throw something in here - there were rules for the embassy including one about keeping your kids quiet while you are there - Trent and I laughed at that. Back to Tamene: He was extremely upset that he could not just run around and play. So he proceeded to make a crying noise, even though he was not crying. We tried to distract him with many toys - Car, magnadoodle, tractor, lotion, Pez, etc... but this resultied in more crying and frustration on his part - just just wanted to be out and have space. So the afternoon, drug on, until all the families were finally done and we could leave. Guess who passed out in my arms on the way back to the Guest House?

Tamene LOVES the bus. We are transported everywhere by bus, and the bus parks right outside the front door of the guest house. So, either Tamene is on the bus, or crying that he wants to be on the bus. We are outside a lot. Good thing the weather has been nice. We are outside nearly all day. He did fall asleep in my arms outside in the swing again last night.

maybe more blogging later, have to head out for a tour of the city (Solomon is taking us!)

9-30-08

2008-09-30T12:33:00.001-07:00

From Kamille:
Today we went to Hosanna.

Very tiring and overwhelming day.

We continue to try to call many of you, but it is very difficult to get a line out, sounds like there might be an over load on the circuit due to the holidays occurring here.

From Michelle: Sounds like they are starting to get a little tired.

Happy B-day Grandma Babe

2008-09-29T10:32:00.001-07:00

Grandma Babe happy belated birthday. According to Ethiopian time I am only a few hours late in wishing you well on the you 35th birthday :-)

Your gift is still here in Ethiopia, will bring him home soon.

Finding Ice Cream in Africa

2008-09-28T14:46:00.000-07:00

I am desperate for some ice cream. Now maybe there is ice cream in Africa, but there sure isn't any in the neighborhood we are in here in Ethiopia.

Ice cream... who would have known, not that I could have planned for it. Maybe ice cream dots. I've never actually eaten those things, but I really want some ice cream.

Tamene has been running around having fun this evening. It did occur to me as I was getting tired that at home I would have more endurance when the elevation isn't so high, back in MN... then it really hit me... he will have more endurance too! What???

He was fun to play with tonight, my cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.

Also, Tamene is not yet potty trained, this means that I am required to remember to change diapers at the appropriate times. Thanks to Jamie and Trent they actually remember this.

Four more days before we leave (I am ready to go now, nice place but I miss the kids).
Today we got a lesson in how to braid hair. Guess who's head they used to demonstrate on. I am presently sporting corn rows!

OK, Tamene needs a bath and then bed.

Take care. We miss you all!

Update 9-28-08

2008-09-28T14:44:00.000-07:00

We have Tamene with us today. I got to take a nap with him. That was the most precious moment, watching him fall asleep.

There are two guest houses and the other guest house (not the one we are in) has a couple of small dogs. We took Tamene over to see the dogs. We was quite excited about them at a distance, but did NOT want to touch them or be touched by them. I think it is a good starting point for him to get there with our dogs.

We are all home sick, but otherwise healthy.

I am off to play with Tamene!

Guest House Visit

2008-09-27T16:08:00.001-07:00

Tamene was with us for the afternoon. Trent went with the group to pick up the kids after lunch. Jamie and I waited back at the guest house. Trent arrived with Tamene later, he had been sleeping and was just waking for Trent to bring him back to us. He arrived without shoes (because of being taken directly from a nap). I brought 3 pairs of shoes not knowing what size his feet were. The 6 1/2 were too small, the 6/7 were crocks and he decided those were fun to kick off... pair three, 7 1/2 perfect fit.

We had a lot of fun with Tamene. I purchased a water bottle that had a "sports top" on it for him to drink from. He really enjoyed carrying it around and taking big drinks. Then he saw Jamie drinking from her "wide mouth" water bottle and decided he wanted some of hers... he took a huge drink and then let it drip out onto his shirt. We all laughed and he continued to become more dramatic with the drinking and spitting until he was taking a mouthful and spitting back into Jamie's drink. Jamie has a phobia around sharing germs with anyone, especially as it relates to food or drink. I don't know that she thought it was as funny as I did. Shortly thereafter she was sterilizing the bottle to reuse later. (And I am the crazy one???)

Tamene enjoyed riding around in one of those little red car riding toys... you know them, you see them at EVERY garage sale and Goodwill everywhere. It's like a Flinstone car where you make it move by scrambling your feet like Fred and Barney. Anyway, he decided it was his and he wasn't really interested in sharing. We had to pull him out a couple of times so that other children could play. He cried, hard... poor baby. I brought him in the house and put him in "the peanut shell" (if you don't know what a peanut shell is you can hunt down a description in a different blog - or use Google :-) He liked being carried in the peanut shell, I thought that was great since he is so active, I didn't know how we would contain him in the airport.

There is a an outdoor lawn swing that he snuggled into me with and let me hold him while he rested and drank from his water bottle. He wrapped his little hand around my finger and Jamie brought his blanket and he was so content and peaceful. Did I mention how in love with this kid I am?

They brought snacks for the kids, the older kids were to get cookies and the younger ones some other concoction that I wasn't going to be part of. Anyway I offered to let Tamene pick which ONE cookie he wanted and he attempted to grab all of them. So he ate that and I wrangled up a banana, this seemed to keep him content.

Also during all the play and running around the guard here at the house was very helpful, he was telling Tamene what we were saying and helping to translate to him. It was so nice, he really does follow directions well, but he is also very strong willed.

Eventually it was time to take him back to the care center. We got back on the bus and as we pulled into the care center he grabbed on tighter to me. I thought it was going to be too hard to take him in. I managed to flag down a nanny who came out a back door as Tamene was waving at her. I handed him over while he still had a smile on his face. We departed quickly and I am so excited to go get him tomorrow.

We went to eat at a traditional Ethiopian restaurant, we got to see dancing and we ate traditional food. It was fun, too much to explain all in this post, but it was fun.

More later!

Day two with Tamene

2008-09-27T06:12:00.000-07:00

Day two with Tamene,

This morning we went to the care center to spend some time with the children. Tamene appeared to be waiting at the door for us, and ran out to see us right away. We see that he enjoys throwing things. It's like a physics test every time he touches something. He is not necessarily being naughty, just checking out how the world works.

He enjoyed wearing the sunglasses that we brought for him. He would put them on and take them off, over and over. He found many other toys to play with too. He would find a toy, pick it up, look it over, then throw it. He seems very bright, he seems to knows exactly what he wants and how to get it. There isn't really a communication problem.

All the Nannies, guards and other staff members always stop to talk and interact with him. Everyone grabs him to kiss him or flip him up-side-down. He recognizes and tries to get attention from any of those people who may be busy doing something else. He is very persistent.

He readily will come to Trent and I. If he wanders far away and we call him, he runs back!

We watched them eat lunch too. He followed the rules from the nannies, but didn't seem to like it much. It seems that he likes to make faces and is pretty easy to read (I think that comes from Auntie Jamie). He wanted us to feed him and so we only needed a little assistance from the nannies. The meal started with some kind of corn chowder and then there was a "lentil bake" of some kind. Smelled good, I would have eaten it, but it didn't look appetizing.

After they ate, the nannies lined them up against the wall to clean them up and give them a drink. Tamene was demanding that Trent stay in close proximity for this event. After lunch they lined them up again (this time outside) to sit on potty chairs. There about 10 little potty chairs all being donned by the naked dark bottoms of our cuties. Tamene was not happy to be away from us and proceeded to notify the child next to him, that he wanted more space by giving her a "nip". The nannies had to move the little girl away.

Then it was time to leave. We were sitting in the front of the bus, when some parents in the back called for me to come look. He was standing on the stairs with the nannies waving. We he saw me come back to wave I got an even bigger wave and a smile.

Now we are going to eat lunch, and then go back to pick up the kids to stay with us here at the guest house for the afternoon.

Update 9-26-08

2008-09-26T15:37:00.000-07:00

Written by Kamille at 3:15pm our time,
Good evening, It is 11:00 pm here in Ethiopia. We are all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. No one is really ready to sleep (as it is 3pm back in the US).

This afternoon we took naps. Lucky for us we brought popcorn and we are currently negotiating some barter deals for other food, because people want our popcorn.

The dilemma of the evening is trying to get or receive calls from the US... Grandma Babe managed to figure out our cryptic messages by e-mail and I just got off the phone with her.

I am not sure if it is the 17 hour flight, or the altitude here, but we are all suffering from Kankles ( I am not defining this, but I bet you can find it on Wiki if you try).

Due to the Meskal Holiday there is a lot of activity around. Someone I work with (YS that's you), told me that part of the holiday is that children go around signing and wanting to get coins, candy, etc (a little like our Halloween, but with a completely different purpose). Early I heard children singing outside and immediately remembered the information about the singing children. I ran to the gate (there is a guard at our gate at all times). Anyway, I ran to the gate and opened it, Jamie came behind me and moments later followed by Trent and a fellow adopting father. I asked if the children could wait so I could take their pictures. They stayed and I took photos on my digital camera and then showed them the pictures of themselves. Jamie brought them candy, they were excited. After I rushed the door for what I "knew" was singing, harmless children, I was reprimanded by Trent and fellow father adopter for being unsafe.

More children came again later, I rushed to the gate again, this time with at least some caution. I knocked on the gate for the guard to let me see. As he squeezed the door open slightly, I could see several dogs barking and growling. The guard finally got them away so I could see the children. I wanted to give them birr (money) but others thought this would encourage more unwanted guests.

Ahh, yes there was another round of singers, this time the guard came to stop me before I even made it to the gate. I climbed up the gate to see young men chanting and standing close to our gate they had lit a small fire (maybe part of the tradition??) . We were not allowed to leave or go out to meet them. Though in my opinion it would have been safe, but that's just me). We went to the roof of the house and waved and took pictures. This encouraged them enough that some of our guests were unable to leave, for a while. We were told to go back inside. (bummer) The guys were yelling in English "No Problem", "What's up?". It was fun (ok, entertaining more than "fun"). They hung around for a while. Later it appear some of them returned to do some sort of coffee "ceremony" with the guard. I knew they were harmless (Right, right).

Now we are watching American Television and Blogging, it really doesn't feel like we are in Africa, maybe more singers will stop during the night.

Good night.

"The First Meeting"

2008-09-26T08:45:00.000-07:00

Recieved 9-26-08 at 9:38 am
Kamille Writes:

We work up early this morning... I did sleep fairly well. There are dogs that bark all day and night, as well as a church with some sort of singing or chanting that also goes on all day and most of the night. There is a holiday here call Meskal going on (Google it for more info). Anyway I think that might be why we can hear sounds coming from the church/temple all day.

So, as I said, we woke up early today and ate pancakes for breakfast, with syrup. Here at the guest house they do cook us more "American" type Food. After we were done eating we all loaded into a bus I think there are 9 families here, we fill up the bus. We traveled over to the Care Center where the children are.

First let me tell you what I can't tell or don't know. I have no idea how long it is from the guest house where we are staying to the center where the children are. I was there on the bus I recall us swerving to avoid a bunch of donkeys and later a group of goats. I remember see children heading off to school in their uniforms. I remember getting off the bus to enter a building and there was a little (maybe 5 or 6 year old) holding out her hand begging for money from us. HEART BREAKING! I can't tell you much about the first stop at the office, just that we did stop at an office before we went to the care center. I don't know what they told us at the office and again, I don't recall the trip from the office to the care center. I just can't keep any of it straight in my head.

Finally we did arrive at the care center, we got off the bus and there was a line of children sitting near the bus in a line - older kids (4 years old and older), they were getting on the bus to go to school. Just behind them there was another group of children playing in a secured area. My eyes scanned the area looking for our little boy. The key indicators of his uniqueness to me - black curly hair, and short little guy - was not nearly as unique in this particular setting. Jamie spotted him first, "There he is". OOOOh yes, there he was, we think he may have recognized us, but I suppose the possibility of that is the same a 12 hour old infant smiling at his mother. Let the proud momma believe he recognized us. Looking exactly like the pictures. The biggest smile you have ever seen. He ran to a young man who was helping with the children. The young man picked him up and swung him around and held him upside-down. He was loving it. Then he and the young man walked towards us (we were supposed to be signing in or something, but I didn't care... I was looking at my little boy and if someone really needed me, they could drag me away). So as they walked towards us Tamene stops to give a greeting of familiarity between him self and Ato Girma (the man who guides us through the process). Tamene proceeds to play with him by "hitting" him in the stomach - no injury or aggression, just seemed like a game they played.

I called his name, I did not approach assuming that actually would be against the rules. He did turn towards us ran a few steps picked up a rock and threw it in our direction. Again, more of a playful attempt to get our attention than anything else. Jamie, Trent and I laughed and exclaimed that he is definitely Naven's little brother!!

So I had to go, we had to sign in. Next they packed all of our families into a tiny room where they called us one at a time to meet our children so that they could video tape the experience. We were one of the last families to be called to meet our child. I can't tell you much about being in that room, other than we told the other families, we saw our little boy and "he threw a rock at us", we all laughed. Then it was finally our turn. We were escorted down the stairs to an area where all the children were playing. Tamene was playing with a small alligator-type toy and we got him to play with us with the toy, passing it back and forth. Jamie was in charge of all of our belongings, so I told her to give me something else to get his attention, match box cars... he loved them. We continued to play and he took turns interacting with Trent and then with me. Jamie started blowing up a beach ball and then he went to sit on her lap. He came back to Trent and I and let each of us hold him.

I held him, I kissed him and I felt his hair, I smelled him, and I was already so completely in love with him. He even snuggled in for a brief moment before deciding that he wanted to play again. He also snuggled in with Trent and of course loved when Trent tickled him, turned him upside-down and threw him in the air.

We took him outside to play for a bit. He had fun and is a great aim for kicking any ball you throw at him. Trent threw a blow up beach ball, it hit him in the head (very light, no injury, nothing....) he proceeded to lay down on the ground and act as though he has been bowled over. So cute, I went to help him up, but he popped back up and went after the ball again.

All in all, our time to meet him today was brief, maybe and hour - but it went so fast. As we were leaving he was looking through a glass door at us. He was still holding tight to the matchbox cars and now banging them against the window. Trust me it was cute, not naughty. Then he pressed his face against the window, stuck out his tongue and drug his pressed face down the window. All the parents were standing there and we all laughed as it was quite a sight.

We left, I was in shock. I don't recall much of what happened after we left either. Some more swerving to avoid animals in the road (keep in mind this is a populated area we are in, "city" does describe it well, just that animals are wondering about).

We will not get to see Tamene until tomorrow. But tomorrow we will spend the morning with him there are the child care center and then bring him back here to the guest house so spend the afternoon with us.

We did receive a menu today of foods that they feed the kids, the food on Tamene's list reminds me a lot of what my dad eats or talks about eating when he was a kid.

Hugs and Kisses from Ethiopia!!

We are all doing well, hope everyone is well there too.
(p.s. we have not been able to access a phone/phone line, etc. - and computer access is intermittent.)

Update 9-26 morning

2008-09-26T05:32:00.000-07:00

From Kamille:
Good Morning all:

It is 6:26 am here in Addis Ababa. We were up late talking about our kids and where we all come from. We received Tamene's "Social Report" yesterday. It actually makes statements about how cute and smart he is.

We will eat breakfast around 7 am and then head over to the care center. We will have met him within the next few hours. I am still calm, but really excited to get going.

The guest house is nice, plenty of room. Trent and I have room with a shower.

On another note, the ride from the airport to the guest house wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be. However, you are on and off paved road.... and you ain't never see a pothole until you have seen one here in Addis.

I'll send an update as soon as I can after we meet this little man.

Whomever is with kids today... give them our love!

Thanks
Kamille

First day in Ethiopia

2008-09-25T15:10:00.000-07:00

From Kamille:

Hi all we are here in Ethiopia, we arrived on time and managed to get through all the security points without much trouble. Well except I asked Soul Sister to carry some Lysol Wet Wipes and she got stopped twice, they frisked her and took to a private room and reprimanded her for carrying such paraphernalia. (Ok, it didn't quite happen that way, but she did get asked about the wipes on two occasions).

We did venture out while we were in DC (thanks Deb). We had a great lunch and walked around a bit. Maybe we will do it again on the way home.

We all are missing our babies in the US, but excited to meet Tamene tomorrow.

We did see Donald Trump waiting for a bus in DC, I got pictures :-)

ohh gotta go, important info being delivered.

More later!

p.s. this trip seemed like a reality show in some ways. It seemed that we were waiting for a call or update so we would know what would happen next. I was glad Jamie, Trent and I were such good packers, it made us less likely to get "voted out" of the house.

Travel Update!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-24T18:21:00.000-07:00

Hello to all,

I talked with Kamille at around 5:00 tonight and she sounded in good spirits waiting at the DC airport. They had been out to dinner (thanks for the recommendation DH) in DC and were feeling good. The agenda was to take off around 7:45 DC time (6:45 our time) for the 17 hour fight.

I cannot believe this week is already here. I am so excited for them.

More updates to come later.

Michelle

Fasten your seatbelts

2008-09-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

We are all checked in at Minneapolis Airport... it took a little work to get all the luggage checked - it was still over and they didn't like that. We did manage to get some extra stuff through for Free.

It's important to note that we are all quite calm and feeling well. We have all had a Starbucks and are dosed up on vitamins, motion sickness prevention and other "make you feel good" meds. We are looking forward to sleep on the first leg of the flight.

We will tour the city a bit when we land in DC. We hope to get lots out of the trip while we wait to get Tamene!!

DH thanks for the DC itinerary.
Vickie, sanitizer is scheduled to make it to Ethiopia.
All thanks for the phone calls and well wishes last night and this morning.

It will be at least 24 hours before we are able to communicate again, take care!

Trenton
Kamille
Soul Sister (Jamie)

Thoughts from Grandma Lovey...

2008-09-23T09:06:00.000-07:00

It is Sunday Morning and I am reading an article in Prophecy in the News regarding the Rapture and the Spirit of Adoption. Article by Gary Stearman Paul states that adoption is the redemption of our body which occurs at the rapture of the Church and second the entire Creation waits for the completed revelation of the adopted children of God. It seems that there is some future event of great importance that can't happen until that signal moment in which the adoptive process is completed, and the church is caught up and glorified. It is a wonderful message on the rapture and our Adoption into the family of God and the emotional and physical aspects of that.

Then I began to think of Tamene. This adoption is the physical redemption of his body and spirit. He will be accepted and loved and legally bound to a Father and family who will give him all the Privileges their natural children have. Holding nothing back from him that is promised to his natural children. Equal in inheritance. You will appear to him from the Sky, Trent, Kamille and Jamie as your assistant and scoop him up to take him through the air to a land where his little heart and mind cannot conceive the New Life he will be given. And where he has a brother and sister eagerly awaiting his arrival. His heart is anxious to attach to you but he is not quite sure yet wholly who you are or what your intentions are toward him. All he has is a blanket, a tape and a book to tell him that for sure you are coming, and as the adults come and go he is eagerly waiting his turn to be raptured away in the air with his new family. He will speak a new language and have a new life. Even his body will respond in newness of growth and his emotions will be healed. He is scooped out of a life of lack into a life of plenty. Saved from death and starvation and a life of loneliness. Saved by Love.

Just to let you know as a side note Sept.28th ends the sixth sabbatical year and Sept 29 is the Jewish new year. In this Sabbatical year the Jews are looking for Messiah to come and so are his brothers the Christians. (A sabbatical year consists of 7 years.) So we look up for our adoptive father to catch us away just like Tamene.

Just a Little food for thought on
your Long journey to catch
away your new son.
Love and Prayers for Safety MOM

This is it.

2008-09-23T03:26:00.000-07:00

In just 24 hours I will be rushing to make sure every last item is ready to makes it's trek to the airport. Each bag continues to work over time, carrying just more than it's own limit and in some cases just more than the airline's limit. I intend to do some sweet talking to get those suitcases on at no additional charge. This stuff is going to orphans in need! There are medical supplies for children in a country where malnourishment is causing death in the youngest children. (How does that sound?, do you think they will take my story?).

All suitcases have been re-weighed. We do hope to be granted a couple pounds of allowance. You can bet I will be looking for the nice, smiley lady to check us in!

Yesterday does represent a typical day lately.
"In His Grip" Sister and I talked about 4 times yesterday (remember she lives near my parent in WI and we are going at the same time to pick up our little Ethiopian Prince and Princess). We are both clearly on the verge on insanity. Her flight is causing us a little anxiety as she doesn't get a lot of layover time to get to her next flight. I told her I would delay the flight as long as possible, but would have to stop at landing myself in jail. I don't know if anyone has flown lately, but fellow fliers get a little freaked out if you don't follow ALL the social norms that we related to an airplane or being inside some one's personal bubble.

Work went something like this: Meeting, decision, delegate. Meeting, decision, delegate. Talk about adoption, make a phone call about adoption, respond to 10 e-mails about adoption. Delegate adoption "work" (I have a friend (co-worker) who is working to create an itinerary for our day in DC (this is so helpful, many thanks to you). Answer some work e-mails, attend another meeting, determine what from the meeting I can delegate... then go home.

At home, assess packing situation, print our more documents for my "travel guide" (for those of you who don't know the "travel guide" is my own extensive list(s) of information about everything I might want to or need to know about our trip, itinerary, maps, directions, phone numbers, DC itinerary now included, with maps, and a/b/c options for the day, tips on the local language, copies of any/all legal documents that might be needed... it's huge).

Trent and I spent a good amount of time talking with the kids about when we leave, reminding them who will be here with them and when we will return home. Angelisa continues to ask if she can come along (Who started this? JB or McSturm - thanks a lot!). And when I remind her and explain that she cannot come along, then she wants me to stay home. I know they will do well, I think they are equally, if not more, excited to meet their brother than Trent and I.

Anyway, Soul Sister came over, we did a final round of recheck on suitcase contents.I hope we don't have to unzip those things again! We usually end our Ethiopia Preparation Sessions by eating a bowl of ice cream... that didn't happen last night, I think we are all too excited.

Trent and I spent the minutes before bed discussing how we are feeling (ohh, we are the funny little communicators) and clearing up any misunderstanding about information for the trip. I think we are back on the same page now.

Sleep - or kind of sleep. Rise again at the crack of dawn (actually it is still completely dark out). Here I am at the blog, and e-mail, and forum.

I think today might look a lot like yesterday. And tomorrow will be a shorter blog just to let you know when we are running out of the house to the airport.

NOTE:
To everyone who has sent best wishes and prayers, thank you. We continue to need and greatly appreciate your support. Keep sending up the good vibes and prayers. The next 48-72 hours are going to be some of the hardest we have endured so far.

My running theme: Patientce - is waiting contentedly. I will see if there if there is a lesson from Mr. Patience in these next hours. I want to learn, and I know my teacher will arrive.

Friend Posting

2008-09-22T09:29:00.000-07:00

Hello,

I am Kamille's friend from work, Michelle. Kamille and I have worked together for over a year and have gotten to know each other and families. We are a lot a like and seem to compliment each other. I appreciate Kamille's enthusiasm, energy, and love for the people around her. Kamille already has a wonderful and loving family and it is exiting to see her family grow.

During their trip I will be posting information on the blog as I receive it from Kamille. This is my first post of many I hope.

Talk to you all soon,
Michelle

One day left?

2008-09-22T03:54:00.000-07:00

Technically today is in motion... so the only day left to wait for is tomorrow.

I am so excited I am feeling ill.

I cannot stop staring at Tamene's pics.

I keep talking with Angelisa and Naven about everything, while we are gone and when we come home. They are so excited too. Angelisa is realizing how long we will be gone, that part, she is not very excited about.

OK, off to work I go...

2008-09-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

How many days left... is it 4? Today is almost over, does that make it 3, we leave on Wed morning, does that actually make it 2?

I haven't figured out a calculation that makes it look like I am leaving in one day... but I will have that covered tomorrow.

Everyone sure is quiet here on the blog lately... I am grateful for the phone calls and e-mails that have come in. Every one's best wishes for safe travel, and prayers, are greatly appreciated.

The "Before I Knew You" blog is nearing an end.

Four days until take off!

2008-09-20T03:09:00.000-07:00

We leave in four more days! Four what? DAYS!

Naven and Angelisa are very exicited, they don't like that for them it is another 2 weeks before they meet Tamene.

I don't know what else to say... four days.

Does anyone else find this man annoying?

2008-09-19T17:17:00.000-07:00

The Hoff... do you know this man? I guess I should start off by saying that this blog has NOTHING to do with adoption. It is frankly not a kid friendly blog either - Not R rated, but certainly not rated G.

Trent and I love to watch "America's got Talent". We think it is a great show and we are looking forward to Neal E Boyd making it to the end. Thank the TV gods and Information Technology Nerds everywhere for the invention of TiVo... America's Got Talent (AGT) is fun to watch but if I could vote off anyone, it would be David Hasselhoff. I am sure this guy is a nice enough man on a personal level (maybe???), but as for his career performance, I could live without it. This guy's performance on AGT is like nails on a chalk board. I just want it to stop. Trent does the fast forward after The Hoff gets out his first 3 words!

If you happen to be a fan of The Hoff, first of all, good for you, it's great that we are all different here on planet earth. Secondly, you can go to nbc.com and write him a question - he might even answer you on video!! ohhh, ahhh, wow - does it get any better than this?

For a good time - Google The Hoff... you will be amazed at the extend of his fantastic (read, nauseating) modeling.

I guess this makes me a bad person. Having an opinion about a great public figure and celebrity like The Hoff. I have to say if it wasn't for the great celebrity Jerry Springer, I don't know if AGT could continue it's incredible success (did I say I like to watch this show?).

For those of you who think I have too much time on my hands consider that AGT is not only my "favorite" TV show, but probably the only one I watch.

As a form of satire (I'll admit I am not sure if this is the exact accurate use of the word "satire"), but in my own form of satire I have decided to become a huge fan of The Hoff. I plan to read up on him and post pictures of him in my cube at work. I will have extensive knowledge about his past, current and future work. I will stop everything and demand every one's attention when we are in the presence of The Hoff or any of the works of The Hoff.

On August 2, 2006, Hasselhoff proclaimed himself king of the internet in a tongue-in-cheek advertisement commercial for Pipex. If the guy can laugh at himself with a proclamation like that, he might just get my humor.

If you are offended, please post a comment, I'd love to hear it!

Signing off, with love for the Hoff!

Preparing for the next book in the series.

2008-09-19T06:52:00.000-07:00

I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the fact that this chapter is nearing an end. Or is it the end of a book? I do have an emotional attachments to many books, if not all books, that I read. I've never found myself feeling a loss at the end of a chapter, but on more than one occasion feeling sad, and at a loss, at the end of a book. Before you start to classify me as "normal", take note that I only read non-fiction. It's not about the end of the story, it's not about happily ever after... the books I read are lessons to move me forward into the next stage or deeper into the current stage of my life.

Most vividly, I remember coming to the end of the "The Carolina Way: Leadership Lessons from a Life in Coaching" By Coach Dean Smith former basketball coach for North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I was so sad to come to the end of that book. I learned so much from Coach Smith, he was like a mentor. The point here is that I was sad at the end; there was closure and a time to move on. What I learned I would take with me, but I couldn't go back. You can re-read a book, you can recall a memory, you can, but it's not the same as the first time.

While I am thinking of that book and Coach Smith, I want to mention a lesson I learned from that book. "Point to the Passer" - encouraging players who scored a basket to point a finger at the teammate who passed them the ball, in honor of the passer's selflessness. What a great take-away. Point to the passer, the person who made it possible through their selflessness. The game of life is not something you do alone. You can't score all the points without assistance from those around you. It's not about me, it's not about my skill, it's about making sure the person next to me trusts me, and I trust him or her, and we can plan to be successful together.

Let me point to a few "passers" in my life.
- God, seriously I have been entrusted with a lot a blessings, gifts and talents... I assume I am entrusted with what I am willing to take, as well as what I am able to manage.
- Grandma Babe - She gave me the power, she gave my mother the power, to be a strong woman, to get what you want out of life. Make decisions and don't let life happen to you. And when life does happen, make the best of every bit of it.
- My parents - The sacrifices they made, the opportunities they missed out on so that I could be successful. I am grateful, and anyone who thinks that I have ever accomplished anything or have been successful at anything or have made good choices, should look at my parents, my role models. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be raised by these people! Selfless!
- Trent - here is the greatest example of pointing to the passer. My life partner, my equal. Always willing to share the ball with me and to be selfless. Supporting me in parenting, career, womanhood, and equality in marriage and life responsibilities. Supporting me in who I am and knowing when I am too tired to have the ball passed to me in the first place. And most importantly allowing me to take the ball, when he could have made the shot just as easily.
- Family - From those I talk with twice a day, to those I talk with once a year... to those I have never met. The network and support system created by all these people, past, present, and future has been, and is key to my success. I'd like to thank them all!
- Friends - just too many to mention, all those referenced here in this blog and many who are not. People who have supported me, I couldn't have been successful in so many ways without all of my friends and supporters. Special thanks to Sister-In-Love, Soul Sister, and all my other Sisters. All women who have been willing to walk by my side in any and all of the crazy journeys I have attempted in my life. Without you there, the journey would have been lonely, wouldn't have been successful, or may never have started.
- Career partners - I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I have indeed been the recipient of many balls from many, many passers in my career. I appreciate everyone who ever thought I was worthy to carry the ball, much less actually make the shot. If you didn't believe in me, I would have never made it to where I am today!
- Those who were just passing through - Thanks to those of you who barely knew me, or whom I didn't have the opportunity to meet, who left a ball in the air for me to catch. Maybe I made a shot or maybe I passed the ball again, but I hope I was a part of helping the ball move forward. Because it isn't about making the shot, it is always about moving the ball forward. I appreciate those who let me move the ball forward, and those who let me take the shot... it's not about me, it's about you.

I am just so grateful to all the people who have supported me in life! And I've still only been here a short time, I can't wait to see what's next. So many willing to be selfless, instead of selfish, allowing good to happen, sometimes in spite of their own wants or needs.

So back to my original point, there is a chapter here... or a book, that is about to end. It's a book in the series, there will be many more to follow. But the excitement of this book is due its review. This adoption journey has been fun and exciting, exhilarating to say the least! The wait is almost over. I have learned so much about patience (not that I have improved, just that I am more educated on the subject matter), I have learned about how to have friends and hopefully more about how to be a friend. I have realized how exciting life is for everyone and how we can all celebrate something new in our lives.

Some of you have heard me say this, but I want to put it in black and white:

If I made a wish list of things I might learn from this adoption process. If I choose exactly the way I wanted it to go, I couldn't have created a more perfect journey. I couldn't have possibly comprehended what I was about to learn.

If I made up the perfect child to match our family, if I described that child the best I could with all the perfect qualities to fit with my already perfect family, I could not have possibly made a list that would have included all the matching qualities we know of our little Tamene. He is absolutely a perfect match for our family... I am sure in the next book in the series, we will learn a lot more about that (the perfect matches and our areas of learning)... Today, today he is everything I could have imagined and more, so much more.

Here is acknowledgement that this has been an amazing journey. I have a lot of new, exciting and positive experiences ahead. But I want to make note of the loss I feel for the end of this portion of the journey. I know I will never be here in this exact place in life again, and this is good too. But right here, right now, I realize how much I have learned, how blessed I am, and I could only have learned these things through this journey. I am grateful for the journey, but sad in my own way to see it end. I know it has prepared me for the next book in the series. I am sad to say farewell, yet so excited to see what I am prepared for next!

The logic of an accurate mind overtaxed

2008-09-15T15:47:00.000-07:00

Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtaxed. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

I have decided to claim this quote.

I have some logic my overtaxed mind would like to explain. To you it may sound like insanity, but remember, to me it is pure logic (granted, from an overtaxed mind).

There is no limit to the amount of donations one adopting mother can contribute to orphanages and hospitals in a developing country. The more donations I contribute the better person I am and the more gratitude it shows for my appreciation of this country and a the woman who has cared for him all this time. - There is no limit- Packing my own 50 lbs in my own suitcase is not enough. I must pack another 50 lbs in Trent's and another 50 lbs in Soul Sister's. Oh, and then I must pack another 50 lbs in "In his Grip" Sister's suitcase, and one of her poor unsuspecting children's suitcase. Will it stop there? NO. I have another 150-200 lbs of donations I am trying to get transported to Ethiopia. Why? I could leave it with my adoption agency, they will find transportation... but no! It seems logical that I would find a way to transport all these wonderful donations on my own! I mean people that I care about, and people that care about me, donated these items, I must bring them to Ethiopia, I must.

**** this blog was longer.. had more information... it was funny... but I lost it. - Hmmm, "lost it", is that a play on words?

On a seperate note, I went to my class reunion over the weekend. It was great to see old friends. It's great to get back to my roots, it's good to remember who we are and where we came from. It was a great get-away for me. Such a break from all the adoption chaos lately.

Season Premiers and Reruns

2008-09-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year when TV wavers between the reruns and the excitement of Season Premiers and the upcoming Sweeps Week.

In honor of this very special time of the year, I have some Trailers for the Season Premier and a re-run for you!

Trailer for the Season Premier:
In just 9 days, the Peterson's leave for Ethiopia. In just 11 days Trenton and Kamille will meet Tamene for the first time. Join us at http://www.beforeiknewyou.blogspot.com/ to watch the "shocking and heart warming" story unfold!!

Rerun: (My readers have voted and below is the winning blog entry for rerun - OK... no one voted, but I thought it was worth a repeat!)

Monday, June 30, 2008

The deadliest catch and other tales
Salmon fishing expedition 2008: Team Big Shvundo.
My brother indicates that the name of his boat is "Team Big Shvundo". According to him Shvundo means "fun" in Bohemian. I tried to Google it, worried "fun" might roughly translate to some strange innuendo I wasn't prepared for. Google turned up nothing, so I decided I shouldn't be doing any damage by posting the word in my blog (if this is some strange profanity, please notify me immediately, this is a G rated blog!)
Day 1 starts at 2:00am- 1 big boat, 1 Great Lake, 1 motion sickness tablet, 1 extremely long nap (the word "dramamine" translates to "coma" in my world), and 1 big fish, complements of the other fisherwoman on the boat.
Day 2 starts at 1:ooam - ZERO motion sickness medication, 1 bad belly ache, and 7 fish. Two fish complements of my talented fishing (fish on, pole handed to me, and step-by-step instruction on how to reel it in). There was also an interesting CB radio conversation between the "Salmonator" and the "Skinny Dipper" the most hilarious part of the conversation was the names, I don't have more to report on the details of the conversation.

I decided that a Triathlon is easier than Salmon fishing. Though I would prefer another round of Salmon fishing to another Triathlon. But, I plan to do both again.

Thanks to Baby Brother for the excellent chartering job, we all had a blast.

(John O and Fischer, let's go this weekend - Baby Brother approves, weather permitting)

Apparently the assignment of a court date managed to keep me "satisfied" for the weekend. Once I got home I resumed the passion to pack. Another huge round of shopping tonight. I have a bedroom full of Target bags. I have no idea how all that stuff will fit into 4 suitcases, and I still haven't actually packed my clothes. I'd tell you how much we have spent in purchases, but the number is embarrassing.

Edit: I posted this last night and as of this morning this "team shvundo" is now a Googlewhack - ok it's not an official Googlewhack, but it's intriguing. (I found this in one final attempt to make sure "shvundo" is not a profanity in disguise).

Two weeks from today...

2008-09-12T03:55:00.000-07:00

Two weeks from today I will meet Tamene, eye to eye, face to face, for the first time.

I have lots of thoughts and wonders about how this meeting will go. But no expectations. None from my thinking spirit. From a matter of logic and cognition, it will be what it will be. My heart spirit on the other hand, it is very excited and has many anticipations and expectations. From a matter of feelings and love and those things we have no control over, I am in for a surprise. To again compare to the biological births I have experienced, he may come to me a little cold, frightened and not sure about the world around him, but my heart will melt and become an unformed puddle waiting to see what will happen next.

Stay calm—do not rush—do not panic

2008-09-09T19:21:00.000-07:00

I found a few quotes that I want to comment on. But before I start I want to tell you about the title of this post. I was looking for a catchy phrase about staying calm - an "ironic" title for a post about excitement. In the process I found many Google Search results that includeded "In event of an emergency, stay calm." Or, "In case of fire - stay calm." I only found one result (in my brief search) with this statement, "In event of an emergency stay CALM!" I just thought it was an interesting observation. To emphasize the topic take note of the word EXCITE in all its forms.

I am feeling very excited and wanted a few words of advice from "experts":

Fear is EXCITEMENT without breath. -Robert Heller

Do not stop thinking of life as an adventure. You have no security unless you can live bravely, EXCITINGLY, imaginatively, unless you can choose a challenge instead of a competence. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Enjoyment, on the other hand, is not always pleasant, and it can be very stressful at times. A mountain climber, for example, may be close to freezing, utterly exhausted, and in danger of falling into a bottomless crevasse, yet he wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Sipping a piña colada under a palm tree at the edge of the turquoise ocean is idyllic, but it just doesn't compare to the EXHILARATION he feels on the windswept ridge. - Unknown

Think EXCITEMENT, talk EXCITEMENT, act out EXCITEMENT, and you are bound to become an EXCITED person. Life will take on a new zest, deeper interest and greater meaning. You can think, talk and act yourself into dullness or into monotony or into unhappiness. By the same process you can build up inspiration, EXCITEMENT and surging depth of joy - Normal Vincent Peale

Nothing is so aggravating than calmness. -Oscar Wilde

Life becomes precious and more special to us when we look for the little everyday miracles and get EXCITED about the privileges of simply being human. -Tim Hansel

Seize the moment of EXCITED curiosity on any subject to solve your doubts; for if you let it pass, the desire may never return, and you may remain in ignorance. -William Wirt

I have been holding this post for a couple of days, wanting to comment on each of the quotes. But I have decided to let them speak for themselves.

Last Call

2008-09-07T04:48:00.000-07:00

Last Call for e-mail addresses.

Thanks to the friends and family who have already left their e-mail addresses for me to contact you while we are gone. It is hard to keep all these details straight, thanks so much for helping to make my life easier. I just don't want any complainers if you get left out :-)

If you want to recieve updates via e-mail while we are in Ethiopia, please leave your e-mail address by clicking on the link below.

Click Here to leave e-mail address

Counting down the days... 17 days until we head to the airport!

3rd Rock From the Sun

2008-09-05T15:26:00.000-07:00

I have done a couple of these blogs were I just plop down what I have been doing with no explanation or description behind it. I feel like that might happen here unless I hit an unexpected tangent.

Ooops, look at that, paragraph two and I found a tangent already. I found a tangent but I won't sprawl it out here. My blog is to be read by my children. I have no interest in creating a political, religious or cultural debate here on my blog. But trust me when I say I have pages of thoughts on all of those debatable topics lately and I could start a serious tangent here. This adoption process has exposed me to a whole new perspective on debatable topics. There is a new prism or lens that I see the world through. In some cases my vision is clearer and more vivid, in some cases more distorted and in other cases some horrible double vision.

In less than 3 weeks I hold Tamene for the first time. If anyone cares there is a lot of math going on in my head. Anyone who thinks numbers are black and white is completely wrong (in my humble opinion). I have done some pretty creative things with numbers, I can count the days and weeks in so many ways, depending on what I am trying to accomplish. For example: Things are going great at work and I am excited about being there and trying to get many tasks and projects completed or started before I go... at work it is a "good three weeks" until I will be out, if you ask me how long until I see my little boy I am leaving here in 2 weeks and 5 days. (Apparently paragraph 3 is a tangent as well). I don't think either of those answers is wrong, but they aren't really right either. It's all about perspective and relativity. If I go to Shawano and am returning to East Bethel, I am home when I hit the boarding town. If I go to San Diego, I am home as soon as the airplane lands in Bloomington (or whatever city the airport is in).... When I go to Ethiopia, I'll be home as soon as we hit Washington DC (our first stop in our entry back in the US). So relative to my feelings it sure is a long, long wait until we leave. Relative to my packing... HOLY BUCKETS, I have got to get PACKED!!! It's like I am leaving any second. - For a moment, I wondered if the term "Holy Buckets" would offend anyone - if you are offended, please read it as "holey buckets" - because that what this feels like, water slipping through the holes.

Daddy Trent got his clothes packed - whooo hooo! He is an awesome husband. And I must say he is an A+ packer. He has packed for me on more than one occasion (that is trust on both of our parts!). So, Super Hubby has his clothes packed and I love it. Be sure to note that I will probably check and recheck his packing just as I have rechecked my unpacked items about 100 times already. I don't know if I have acknowledged this enough, but Trent is an awesome husband! He can and does do laundry, cooking, and cleaning. He makes the bed with me every morning (at least now while I am in some sort of super clean nesting phase). He owns two growing businesses and gets the kids off to school every morning without a hitch. He is a great, great man. There are not enough words to describe him! (Is this considered a tangent?)

So packing is on the agenda this weekend. I hope to zip up and stack up the suitcases not to return to them again until it's time to travel to the airport. I know that is not very likely that I can leave them alone that long, but at least I have that as a goal. My favorite Traveling-With-Me Adopting Mom says she has unpacked her packed items now so I am sure it will happen to me. I get to meet, in person, my favorite Traveling-With-Me Adopting Mom next weekend - I am so excited! I hope I don't offend her by saying this, but I think we are equally crazy but in slightly different ways. She has packed and entire suitcase of food, I have packed an entire suitcase of medication. She has packed shower repair items including caulk; I have packed a birthday party (don't ask). She is buying a car (fun convertible) before we leave - I am hosting a co-worker get-together before we leave. I hope she and I can both get everything we bought actually packed, and arrive in Ethiopia with at least some sanity (sanitary? sane-ity?, I would take either).

Oh, other things that are new BEC completed another Triathlon - I am going to nick name her Wonder Woman and buy her a cape! She is awesome, if you know her pat her on the back and congratulate her for another "finish". She's more of a quadrathlete - her "finish" requires a biffy! (BEC - now do you see why it is better if I do not mention you in the blog?)

What else? I don't know what else... I am ready to go, we are all tired of this long wait, and I just want to get him and get home. Home can be Washington DC, Bloomington, MN or East Bethel... I just want to be someplace, anyplace that I can call home! I guess that planet Earth could be considered "home" but I am not going far enough away for me to consider that relative.

Would you let the pregnant lady use the bathroom first?

2008-09-01T05:57:00.000-07:00

For those of you left hanging - no we did not buy the mini-van. It sold ten minutes before we were scheduled to test drive it. We think it is a "sign" that we should not own a mini-van.

Currently I continue to obsess about lists and packing. I worry about every single last detail of this trip. I worry about going, I worry about coming home. I worry about the kids staying home, and the dogs, and the house. "Worry" maybe isn't the right word. It's not that I think something bad will happen. I just feel the need to identify the details related to everything. I plan for worst case scenario for everything... but suspect this whole process will be smooth. Everything has gone very smoothly so far, and I have no evidence that it might change. Personally though, I'd rather have a back up plan for things that is not needed than to find myself in a place of managing something that I didn't expect.

Think of the difference in the scenario between bringing bug spray to Ethiopia and leaving it home. It's a small item. It really is not a matter of life and death. Will it ruin the trip? Will everything fall apart? No. However, preventing some bug bites, making sure I take Malaria medication and the security of knowing it is there, makes it worth packing. What about paper towels. Not a major life changing event if we don't bring it, right? But how nice will it be, when that one bottle of liquid explodes and I don't have to use two days of shirts to clean it up.

I don't know if these statements are an attempt to justify my insanity or just help others understand where I am coming from. I know that I have over thought and over planned everything. In the end, I don't care if NOTHING goes according to plan. All I want is to bring Tamene home and find my family safe and sound, when I arrive in Minnesota. It seems so simple, yet I would feel so much better to know it wasn't just that we "got by" but that everything went smoothly and everyone had everything they needed and that "Thank goodness, we had that one thing'" because it really made the situation easier.

I was just thinking what would happen if we put a pregnant woman on an airplane and sent her to Ethiopia (or any other foreign country for that matter) to give birth. I think many people would be horrified, and if they had the opportunity they would send her with pain meds, and maybe find a nurse who could go along, and they would educate her on nursing and how to handle the pain and what would happen during and after birth. People would try to accommodate her every need. And, don't we let the pregnant woman ahead of us in line in the bathroom? And don't we give up our chair? It's not just about the physical part of being pregnant it's about respect for life and the process. In my opinion the grandma behind me or the 3 year old doing the potty dance probably needs to use the bathroom more than the lady who is 8 month pregnant, but we don't think twice to ask her if she would like to be next.

I gave birth right here in MN, not a foreign country and everyone worried and wondered and made sure I understood the details. Friends and family helped to ensure everything at home was in order and my needs were taken care of. I am having a little trouble seeing how our situation is any different this time, because we are adopting. This doesn't feel any different than being a first time mom. I don't' know anything about international travel, or bringing home a 2 year old or preparing for a 20+ hour flight, or having my children currently living on different continents. I don't know anything about any of it, and it is emotionally draining.

All I want is to be allowed to plan and organize and make myself feel prepared. I want my friends and family to understand that I cannot allow for one or two exceptions to what I want or need, because this process is so incredibly complex that I cannot track exceptions to "the plan" whatever the plan may be.

I do want to extend gratitude to those who have understood and committed to helping us through this time. Thanks to those who are taking off work or arranging personal schedules to help us out. Thanks to those who have said "whatever you need, I can help". Many, many thanks to those who have stood beside me in this journey and who have been compelled to understand the process and support us, and make it easier.

Before I Knew You

2008-08-30T03:24:00.000-07:00

Tamene,
I want to write you a letter too, as many others who are waiting for you have. Though I feel as though I know you, here is my "Before I Knew You" letter.

We decided to investigate the adoption process last year. After two years of talking about adding another child to our family, we finally realized it was time. There were a few options for us on how to expand our family. Our first (and best) choice was to grow our family through adoption.

Once we decided we were ready, we began working with an agency and decided that we would like to bring home a child from Ethiopia. There were a lot of meetings and paperwork required. We completed the paperwork as quickly as we possibly could. We wanted to find you and bring you home as quickly as possible. I didn't know who "you" were, but I knew I was moments away from meeting my youngest son, and it couldn't happen fast enough.

After the designated paperwork was completed we were on to "the wait". For most families who wanted to adopt an infant, this wait was 6-9 months. For us, for you... 6 weeks. Six weeks until we saw the first pictures of our beautiful little boy. Daddy knew from the first second he saw you that you were our little boy (Daddy got to see your pictures first!).

Today is four months, one week, and one day since we first saw your picture (and 63 blogs later). I am so incredibly excited to meet you. We have heard that you are doing very well and being cared for by the nannies who love you so much. For me, it is helpful to know that you are well cared for and loved, but I just want to have you here in my arms.

There are many, many, twists, turns and events that happened in our lives and in the life of you and your birth mother that brought us all to this place. We have all experienced sadness and joy. We all believe that we are doing what is best for you and we hope that you will feel the true love that each of us holds for you.

I have learned a lot on this journey, and I am sure I have a lot more to learn still. I hope I never stop learning, or think that I have learned enough. I hope to continue to learn from life, and love and all of my children. This particular journey has opened my eyes to many of my strengths and weaknesses. Some have improved, some have gotten worse, but overall I am a much better person for this experience and the experience of motherhood. I have learned that I have amazing friends and family. The outpouring of support is something I could not have anticipated nor would I expect. Our family has not grown just by one, by adding you little Tamene, but by adding so many new people into our new family. People who were strangers only weeks ago, are now close friends. Close friends have become brothers and sisters, and for you, aunts and uncles. And family has become more meaningful than ever. Many family members who have allowed me to see their soul of support and love for you and our whole family. Tamene, it is you and your spirit who have brought all of this love, before we knew you.

I worry too. I worry about this time where you are being an independent little man, facing the world on your own. I know the nannies love you and take care of you, but I know that you must also care for yourself. I am proud of you for doing such a great job, and I have many stories that I have heard about how things are going even though you are a world away. I know that you are brave, and you are taking care of yourself as well as bringing joy to those who meet you!

I am excited to bring you home, and finally have you here. Many times we call for you with your brother and sister, even though you are not here. "Angelisa, Naven, Tamene! Time to wake up!"."Mom, kiss Tamene when you tuck us in." "Trent, where is Tamene? I thought you were watching him in this store." "Naven and Tamene, time to eat!" We feel as though you are here and part of our family, just that you are away and we will bring you home soon. I look forward to you and your brother and sister bonding and settling in with each other's personalities.

Tamene, I hope that you will always know how many people love you and care for you and how many people want you to have the very best. I hope you always have joy and a desire for knowledge. I hope you become everything that you are to become, and want to become, and more. As I am finding myself and figuring out who I am in life, I hope too that you will find yourself in life and be happy to find the Tamene in you and love him more than anything.

For our whole family I hope for closeness and love and compassion for each other. I hope that you and your brother and sister will find strengths in each other and learn to depend on one another. I wish the world for all of you.

I am waiting for you now and wondering what you will be like. A smart little boy with a big smiles and lots of love and entertainment for everyone. I look forward to having you explore this whole new world and I hope that you will enjoy it. I think you will be resilient and you will find everything you need in this world and more, I think it will come to you in abundance, as it has come to me. I think you will have good days and bad days, but you will know that we are all here to support you and I think you will lean on that as you grow older. I know you will experience pain, as we all do, I believe you will learn from the pain and use it to make yourself a better person. I believe you will enjoy and experience life very differently than most, and it will be beautiful and inspiring to others.

We are all waiting, waiting, waiting for you. What seems like such a long wait today, will be a blink in time once we hold you in our arms. There are so many people who are waiting to meet you, friends, and family and friends who have become family. We all share in the frustration of the wait and the excitement of bringing you home.

It feels as though I have known you for so long already, it feels as if I am just waiting for your return, and not a first meeting. I wonder what you will think when you meet us for the first, and second, and third time.

Before we knew you, we loved you. Before I knew you, I loved you.

Sending hugs and kisses through time and space to you on this afternoon in Addis Ababa,

Love your momma

Blogging in the family

2008-08-26T15:55:00.000-07:00

I am a huge fan of this blog... please visit!

http://bigsissyblog.blogspot.com/

(The author is Tamene's Big Sissy!)

Make sure to stop by and leave her a comment!

What day is it in your world?

2008-08-24T04:21:00.000-07:00

Since we have received the birth certificate there have been questions about Tamene's birthday. A number of people have asked if we KNOW his birthday or if it a general guess. Below is information about the Ethiopian calendar. On our calendar (US/Gregorian) his birthday is 10/11/05 (Every October 11 we will celebrate his birthday). According to his birth certificate his Ethiopian birthday (Ethiopian calendar) is 2/1/1998 - this date translates to our calendar as 10/11/05. We can guess that there wasn't a doctor there to notarize the date and time of his birth, but these children's birth mothers are generally able to accurately report the date of birth of their child.

The current year according to the Ethiopian calendar is 2000. There were millennium celebrations when the new year began in Ethiopia at 12 midnight Ethiopian Time on September 12, 2007 of the Gregorian calendar. The year 2001 will begin on September 11, 2008 of the Gregorian calendar.

The Ethiopian calendar is much more similar to the Egyptian Coptic calendar having a year of 13 months, 365 days and 366 days in a leap year (every fourth year) and it is much influenced by the Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Church, which follows its ancient calendar rules and beliefs. The Ethiopian calendar is always seven years and eight months behind the Gregorian (Western) and Eastern Orthodox Church calendars during September and December and eight years and four months behind during January and August. Therefore, the Ethiopians will celebrate the new millennium on September 1, 2000 Ethiopian calendar (September 12, 2007 Gregorian calendar).

Alright - trivia lesson out of the way. What's next?

I am definitely back at the blogging and the lists. Trying to make arrangements for many of the details about travel. When you are pregnant, you just drop your kids of with whatever friend or family is on the way to the hospital and then retrieve them 1-2 days later. The hubby can run home and let out the dogs while you sleep. Worst case scenario the kids miss two days of school - maybe three. This process is a little more complicated. Finding a place for the kids, and making sure they get to school everyday (I don't think it is in the best interest of my 1st grader to miss more than one day of school) is priority one. Priority two: the pets. Someone has to watch them, someone has to make sure they get their basic needs met for two weeks. From there is it issues of mowing the lawn, checking the mail. A different kind of back up is required when you are actually out of the country and potentially not reachable by phone...

Sorry to cut off the random thoughts - but I am off to test drive a mini van (Sister in Love, ZIP IT!!)

How many medical professionals does it take to give Kamille a shot?

2008-08-23T05:57:00.000-07:00

I have updated and predicted some of our milestones - you will find them on the right hand side of the page as you scroll down.

Our flight is booked and looks like this:
Minneapolis to Washington DC
DC to Rome
Rome to Addis Ababa (Ethiopia)
We will leave Minneapolis on September 24 and arrive back on October 3.

Other updates:
My favorite ladies from Maple Grove had a shower for me last week. It was great to see all my friends and to get to spend time together. Something to take my focus off the waiting. Everyone was so kind and generous, and so excited for me. I am blessed to have worked with such a great group of people.

I did have to get another couple of shots before I was able to head on over to the par-tay. So here is how that went:
I got a call from a provider who knows my fear of needles about 12:30 on Wednesday, announcing that I am scheduled for my vaccinations at 2:00 that day. Ahhhh, my heart starts racing, I hate that. 2:00, I check in for my appointment but not before recruiting a former co-worker to "hold my hand". So nurse #1 goes to find me a nurse/medical assistant who is willing to actually poke me, knowing I am suck a freak. I request the same one who saw me go down in the last round of injections. Apparently she is happy to try again (odd). This time I am scheduled for a procedure room with a table that I am required to lay on. They bring me an ice pack to rest on my neck. I ask for gum (seems like a reasonable medical request to me). I am laying down, on my pillow, with my ice pack, chewing my gum and be distracted by two other health care professionals while the third is drawing up the injections. The "shooter" the one who is actually going to be doing the poking turns and says "Is there any chance you are pregnant?". Well there isn't really, however, some recent dizzy spells and near fainting might indicate pregnancy... and stranger things have happened - three people in the last 2 days have asked if I am pregnant. OK, OK, give me the stupid test. Back up off the table, handed a cup and a wipe and directed to fill it. 5 and 1/2 minutes later we have confirmed that I am NOT pregnant - not a surprise by any means, but a relief none-the-less. Back to the exam table in the procedure room, feet up, pillow adjusted, ice pack on... wait the gum, now I am done with the gum - can I spit it out? Gum out. One patient and three medical professionals in the room. Two to talk to me and distract me, and one to do the "shooting". Needles are out, pictures of Tamene are out to distract me. WAIT... wait, wait... "You remember I don't like band-aids right? Don't put a band-aid on when you are done." YES - we know, lay down!~ Back to the photos and questions about travel - the POKE... now I am quiet, no words and just breathing. "Hey, Kamille, are you ok?" "mmm hmmm, just don't make me laugh, I will pass out", I whisper". "Are you sure you are ok?" I reply, "shhhhh mmmm hhhhmmm" Ok, I open my eyes, the faintness passes and I am ready to go. NOPE, no, now there is some protocol where they have to time how long I sit there before I am allowed to leave. 3-4 medical professionals and 50 minutes later, my shots are finally complete. Now I have all my shots, now I am all set. If I stay healthy and can avoid the need for labs, and get the nasal flu vaccinations I should easily be able to avoid needles for 18-24 months!

More important - Tamene - he is doing great. Putting on weight and growing taller - though I haven't determined if the height is due to the additional hair or actual bone growth... he has so much hair already!!! We have been hearing rumblings through the grapevine about an adorable little boy at the care center who greets all the parents and is full of energy and everyone thinks he is adorable. Something about a smile that lights up the room. Several people believe this little bundle is the one that belongs to me. You all know me. Would any of you have expected that I would get the "quiet one"? No way - you know I have the rambunctious child who is precocious and has a ton of energy. Any babysitting volunteers?

I am back on for making lists... excuse me while I obesses. I'll be back soon!

Welcome to the roller coaster ride!

2008-08-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

We went to the State Fair today, but I couldn't handle any rides, the adoption process is enough of a roller coaster for me!

Here I am on Friday night. We are back to the Sept 25 travel date. I e-mailed many folks yesterday informing them that we would travel in October. I am not e-mailing them all to tell them different. Right here is where the updates are.

If you want e-mail updates in the future, or the password when this blog becomes password protected, you can still submit your e-mail address:

Click Here to submit e-mail address

The current plan is to arrive in Ethiopia on September 25 (yes in 2008). Mark it on the calendar.

I'll catch up on my blogging over the weekend and let you all know what has been happening.

I'm BACK!!

2008-08-21T17:04:00.000-07:00

Why am I back and blogging?

10. Good bloggers keep their readers posted frequently (bad Kamille, bad Kamille)

9. I have received many e-mails and phone calls with people stressed, waiting for a new post (hello I have been waiting for a birth certificate, I know what the wait is like)

8. If one more person says "Do you know anything new?" I am going to scream at them (inside joke for JB. I am actually glad people ask)

7. I need time on the computer to find out if there are bunnies in Ethiopia (JB & McSturm)

6. According to Soul Sister, I have fallen off the wagon by making making templates for future lists anyway.

5. I have fallen "off the wagon" by posting a poll on this blog anyway (more of you e-mailed me to complain about my failure to blog, than who actually voted).

4. I have airline tickets purchased! Thought you might want to know.

3. I have a confirmed travel date of Oct 2 (see #3), also thought you might want to know.

2. I have a birth certificate. Not just any birth certificate, a birth certificate that indicates I am the mother of Tamene.

1. I am going to Ethiopia.

I have a birth certificate!!!

Who's your blogger?

2008-08-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

Notice

2008-08-11T16:51:00.000-07:00

Notice:
Due to an information overload on my part and to protect my sanity and the sanity of those I love. I will be limiting my internet access, information collecting, and list making for a few days.

I will not post again until I have a birth certificate in hand.

According to original information it should take 4 weeks from court to birth certificate. There are some people who are in week 5 of waiting. The earliest I expect to receive a birth certificate is Thursday or Friday of this week, hoping that it is no later than Thursday or Friday of next week.

I promise to post again as soon as I have a birth certificate.

For those of you who check this blog every day (or twice a day, Grandma) I know it will be a hard wait. Every day you wait for a new blog, I wait for a birth certificate. Now we will wait together.

As you visit over the next few days please click below on the link to send me your e-mail address if you would like to receive direct e-mails while I am in Ethiopia or to receive an e-mail with a password for this blog when it becomes password protected.

Click Here to Submit email address

Thanks for reading

I love you the most

2008-08-11T05:15:00.000-07:00

I really, really, really want to have Tamene with me. I feel like I have been waiting too long already. I feel sad and somehow a little lonesome. Teary. That slight feeling of misplacement while wondering if we really should expand our family, has now turned into a missing piece of the puzzle. The family no longer feels complete at all. We have one more piece that needs to be set in place to complete the picture. Every day I notice that Tamene is missing. It's as though he is here and he is part of us and we are just waiting for him to come home. Just like when the kids stay with the grandparents, you forget you don't have to whisper at night, you go to check on them before going to bed, and you expect to find each one of them lying in there bed the same way at sunrise as it was at sunset. But Tamene is not there. I picture him being tucked in, but he is not there. I prepare to hug him good night, or grab him out of bed in the morning, but he is not there.

I asked the kids if they are ready for Tamene to come, and they are. They too are tired of the wait. Angelisa thinks we should just have someone bring him here because it is taking too long for Trent and I to go get him. Naven wants to know when he will come. When? That is the big question for all of us. It doesn't matter if you are 6 or 30 something, the question is when.

Trent is such a trooper to support me while he too is waiting impatiently. He encourages me and tells me it is hard for all of us, but we know the time will come. He said it is like pregnancy without a due date. But I am going to say it's like labor when you don't know how much longer you are going to have wait until you push. I remember being in labor and the extreme discomfort physically as well as the emotional drain and the need to have it over... 'Get that baby out and let me hold her." I remember for months after the kids were born, and sometimes to this day, if I read or watch a birth story I become overwhelmed with emotion, fighting back the tears that remind me of those last tiring and uncomfortable moments that were also filled with extreme joy and excitement. I feel the same here at this moment in time. I feel as though I am in labor, I am not sure when they will tell me to "push", but I am waiting. I am waiting for someone to tell me I am close enough to see this baby and this baby is ready to come to the world for it's first breath - and PUSH. With Tamene, I believe this is happening in the right time - maybe he needs more distance from each of his transitions to be ready for us. But when you are this uncomfortable it is hard to think of anything but yourself and your discomfort. Never to jeopardize the safety and well being of the children, but just the intense desire to be relieved of the aches that have no end in site. I know he will come at the right time... I know this is all for a reason, for many reasons. But only my head can understand, my heart refuses to listen.

Sometimes I think about Tamene and my heart aches for him. My arms ache to hold him. I think about him looking at me the way Naven looks at me, and I loose my breath. I think about how I say to my children everyday "Guess, what?" and we have said this so long and so many times, that they don't say "what" back to me, they don't wait for me to say "I love you". They just respond with, "I love you more." I wait for Tamene to say that too, so that I can reply as I do with all my children, "I love you the most." Today a lump in my throat, an ache in my heart and a welling tear in my eye. The tear will not stay down, nor will it come out. It just sits there and blurs my vision as a reminder that as painful as it feels today, there will be unspeakable joy. In the future I will reflect on as this an amazingly short amount of time. But, until I can reflect, I wallow.

Tamene, guess what?

Momma loves you!

The laws of nature

2008-08-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

I do take things to the extreme. I admit it. Isn't admitting it the first step to fixing the problem? Let me check with my therapist... I checked...He says, "Admitting the problem is the first step to change" So there you have it in official therapese.

I have realized however that the universe has it's own way of controlling me. I don't like to be controlled, I like to be in control. No matter how much I don't like it, the heavens do set limits for me and they do insist I will follow the rules.

I have an incredible desire to pack EVERYTHING for this trip. I am going to a country where many people are barely able to eat once a day and may only make $1-2 per month if they can even find work. And I need to pack everything I can think of? Behind the zippers of my luggage I have packed many wants as well as the basic needs. The teeth in those zippers grit and grind to hang on to hold items like air fresheners and dental floss. Are these really needs that I cannot live without for 10 days? It is a very sad state of things, I am a bit disappointed in my inability to make sense of what is a need and what is a want in this process. I'll tell you I would be happy to get on a plane with only the clothes on my back, just to bring my little boy home, but my fellow travelers may not appreciate my exercise in determining wants vs needs (wow that but contains the worst excuse ever).

I have contributed to deforestation in the state of Minnesota, and probably part of Wisconsin due to the number of lists and documents I have printed to have as a reference while we are in Ethiopia. Just my lists and general information could make a book. I have actually assembled it into a book with a Table of Contents. (I am sick, I admit it!)

Information seems like my air sometimes, some nights I get frustrated that I have to go to bed and sleep. Do you know how much information I could learn in the 7 hours I am sleeping. So much loss of productivity! Hey, don't get me wrong, I love naps just as much as the next sloth... but sometimes I wish I could just keep going.

What does this have to do with the Universe imposing limits on me, you ask. Let me tell you. There are only so many suitcases I can take to Ethiopia. There is a limit. Yes, I can pay more and take more and pack more, but eventually the plane will be full (Sister in Love, I may need more chickens - can you help?). Tonight in the midst of making lists, I ran out of paper. I even resorted to printing on the back of some "mistake" pages. But the paper is gone now, and I had to stop printing. Good thing, because the next limit I reached is the capacity of the "book" I made. I bought folders with clasps, and I have filled it as full as the clasps can handle without bursting. Many pages are filled to all 8 1/2 x 11 inches of white space. I have modified margins on almost every page, but eventually I fill it, and I have to stop.

Eventually it all has to stop, because I will need to unplug the computer and get on a plane to Ethiopia. I have books ready to take along so I can read and learn on the way, but I can only pack so many books, and there is only so much time on the plane (do not read this as meaning I would like the flight to be longer. Can someone talk to Scotty about "beaming" me over?) I have pen and paper, I am sure I will make many more lists before I depart and return again to the United States of America.

I will do my best to respect the white space on paper, and the last page in a book, and that last moments that a battery struggles to provide power. I will not break the zipper on the suitcases. I will do my best to respect the limits of my loved ones, and my own body. I will respect (and consider) the laws, of government and nature. I will allow for boundaries and limits. But I won't like it, not one little bit. I like to push the limits. I do believe that some rules are made to be broken, and some rules are made to be broken just by me. I can do anything I set my mind to, we all can, but that in and of itself is the problem. I haven't "set" my mind. It has no rules and no boundaries in the world of information and possibilities. It's not about achieving the "one" thing... it's about achieving "all" the things.

Word of wisdom from someone who's been there

2008-08-08T06:08:00.000-07:00

Posted with permission from Tariku's blessed mommy (a fellow adopter).

Tariku's Mommy writes:

Thoughts - Four Months Home
I've been meaning to write something like this since we got home but (surprise!) life gets kind of crazy when you bring home a 3-year-old and have 3 kids under 5! So I've missed you all and spent the better part of tonight (I'm waiting for the "So you think you can dance finale") catching up. Congrats to those with referrals, traveling and home that I haven't said that to! What an awesome time. So here they go...

1) Freak out about the wait. Go ahead and do it. We all know awful things are happening when you're waiting and we all know it's selfish but we're all human and I happen to believe you can't really help it. I also happen to believe it helps prepare your heart for when they are officially yours/you do bring them home. You've been in love with them and fought for them for so long it seems a little less weird...

2) RELAX in country. Ethiopia is awesome, I mean there's no way to describe it. I think the best thing my hubby and I did was relax a bit in country. The nannies are as great as you hear, it's the last time your child will be in ET as an Ethiopian so just let things go as they may. I know some disagree with that and to each his own but I have no doubts this helped our love for ET grow as well as our son's transition to us.

3) Don't be afraid to take a timeout as a family while in country. It was so tempting to go hang out with our awesome travel group and see all the beautiful kids playing together but we purposely took time in our room by ourselves to work on "us" many times throughout the day. We let Tariku play with the other kids and then took him to our room to have some face time. It was so awesome and, I think, helped us figure each other out before siblings and grandparents and life happened upon our return.

4) Be prepared to fake it. Fake the love. Tariku seriously started looking at me with love in his eyes right away. I realize this wasn't true attachment and whatnot but this kid when gaga for mama right away. In ET I was the same way, it was easy because our focus was him and him alone. When I got home I was SOOO surprised at how hard it was. Somehow he turned into more like my favorite kid at a daycare I worked at instead of my son. 4 months later I still have those feelings once in awhile but look at him more everyday as my son. I fought hard for him and still found myself asking how he got there, so don't be surprised if it happens to you too! And for goodness sakes don't feel bad about it!

5) Ethiopia keeps me up at night. I want to go there tomorrow, I want to live there, I want to be Ethiopian. Don't be surprised if you wrestle with all of these feelings either. It's like Alcatraz but better, you will doubtfully come back an unchanged person.

6) You're going to want to adopt again right away. I don't care if you have 20 kids or no kids. I don't care if you have [Post Adoption Depression] or not (though it might not happen right away). You'll start crunching numbers upon your arrival to do it all again. We are the craziest suckers in the world, we adoptive parents.

7) Plan for the worst and be pleasantly surprised. I know now everyone's story is as storybook as ours has been, but I was happy to see all the diapers I brought went unused. All the tears I had prepared went unshed and all the arguments I fought in my head went unargued. Life can always pleasantly surprise you.

That's all I can think of right now. There really is so much more. There's not much advice I could tell you that hasn't been said 10 ways to Sunday but I needed to say hello to you all again and needed to openly thank the forum for getting me through every single item on that 7 item list. You all are amazing.

And I truly...truly...am so thankful for Tariku. I know it's not for all but if you're even thinking about it, this older child adoption thing is the greatest thing since cookie dough (and I LOVE the stuff). I know there are no more Tariku's out there but holy buckets is this kid worth every tear I've shed and then some. The resiliency in him and the love that he emotes regardless of what he's been through is enough to make me shameful for all my complaining. In short...he...is...perfect.Much love, Tariku's blessed mommy

Before We Knew You... (more letters for Tamene)

2008-08-07T05:23:00.000-07:00

I have more letters to Tamene! I am so excited that you all have sent these letters, I know how important these will be to Tamene and to us as we continue on this life long journey.
I can't wait for Tamene to grow to read these and to see all the people who loved him before we knew him. He will see each person who was waiting for him and being part of this special time!

Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously
My own.
Never forget
For a single minute:
You didn't grow under my heart
But in it.

I think this poem, although short in words, has summarized many feelings of everyone in ‘our village’. Thank you for blogging for us all to enjoy and learn from this process. But, thank you more for allowing us to be an intrical part of his life. Each of the village members will have something unique and spectacular to teach Tamene. We can’t wait to meet him! -Fischer

Fischer, thanks for your support and love during this time! Trent and I love you and we are honored that you have helped to name him. Much love... Kamille

My little Tamesh,

Words cannot describe how much I love you already! I can't wait to see you and hold you! There is nothing that I won't do for you. You and your family have changed my life forever. I love you baby boy!

Love,

Jamie

Jamie, ohhh little Tamesh, we do love him! There are no words that can describe my gratitude for you and your family. Indeed our families are changed by the relationships we have built, and we are all better for it! Thank you for loving us and our little Tamesh!

The necessity of breathing

2008-08-06T04:29:00.000-07:00

I got an e-mail from Sister Goddess:
Everyday I read your blog-obsessed for details. I can't imagine how you are holding up!!! I can't wait til that boy is in your arms:) We should try to plan for a girls night out before your schedule gets crazier. How much time will you take off when you go to get Tamene? I assume you will take some time after also. Will he be in daycare when you return to work? So many questions--we should just get together!

Apparently I have overlooked answering some of the basic questions.

Q: How much time will you take off when you go to get Tamene
A: We are in Ethiopia from Thursday to Thursday, including travel time we will be gone about 10 days.
Q: How much time will you take off after Tamene is home?
A: I have to my work to prepare for 12 weeks. Obviously this will depend on Tamene's needs. I am keeping an open mind about more time or less time depending on how he is adjusting. The reason I might need less time, is if he has trouble with the transition from a full care center to a quiet house (Naven & Angelisa will be back in school). He will be 3 so he may enjoy some 1/2 days at a daycare with other kids. I am not planning for longer or shorter, just keeping an open mind about what might happen.
Q: Will he be in daycare when you return to work?
A: Yes, I do plan to return to work full time. He will be in daycare. I am hoping he will be able to go to the daycare program that is sponsored by my employer. But there are places closer to home that I am considering too.

How am I holding up? I am holding up just fine in my own opinion. I hate this wait, I hate that my little boy is there and I am here. Some of you may have seen a post that I had on Saturday. But I did pull it on Monday, just concerned about privacy. Those of you who didn't see it, I got a bit of an update on our little man, and I expect to get more news in the next day or two. All of it is good news. The funny part was that I took the time to make a note that I hadn't received any new info in 14 days, and then I had something. Hanging on to the littlest pieces of information. Applying it to everything else I have already learned about him. Drawing conclusions, making predictions, preparing myself. No different than wondering what the two children who grew in my belly would look like or be like when they arrived. I wonder the same for the little man growing in my heart!

As I mentioned, I am holding up fine in my own opinion. Others may have another opinion. My obsession with lists, information, and internet research may appear over the top. But in my own mind it keeps me focused on something. I feel forward movement, even though it may only be side-ways movement. Some motion is better than no motion, or at least that's the way I feel about it.

I did decide last night that the series of events that are happening in my life right now feel a little like they are running into each other with no time to breathe (think of contractions in labor). I told Trent that when Tamene gets home, we need to take some time to breathe and rejuvenate so we can prepare for whatever life's next big event is for us. I am doing ok, I am breathing through all this. I know that the end justifies the means. But a big cleansing breath feels long overdue.

Naven's birthday is tomorrow. I remember the day he was born. I went to my clinic to see if there was anything we could do to get labor started. I wanted that baby out (again - loved pregnancy - just no patience, I wanted to meet him!!). A little maneuvering by my smart healthcare professional started labor later that morning. Still many hours passed before Naven would join us in our first breath together. The first breath of life is amazing.

Today's forecast

2008-08-03T03:49:00.000-07:00

We are visiting Trent's parents cabin this weekend. It's bright and early in the morning. Actually it is not so bright, the sun is not out yet, but it is on it's usual path. I have managed to contract a cold. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I ran a Triathlon without preparing, but it's hard to say (read sarcasm). I know my momma told me I would pay the consequences. (BEC I hope this inspires you more in your training - I would highly recommend that you follow Soul Sisters advice to me (which I did not do) and take Airborne after your next tri.) Sorry - back to the cabin... I have a cold so sleeping is difficult. I took some cold meds that seem to keep me awake. I am sitting at the kitchen table. The window is open and there is a perfect breeze. My little dog is sitting in my lap and I can see the beautiful lake from my comfortable viewing point. The little dog thinks it's play time - she is not interested in my blogging and just wants me to give her attention. I can't put her down because everyone else is sleeping, she thinks she is a watch dog (all 8 lbs of her) so if she is not on my lap she is warning me about the sound of the wind moving the boats, as if her barking will make the wind stop.

Friday night I was home with the kids and Trent was gone over night, fishing. The kids wanted to sleep with me, I agreed. Then Angelisa was invited to a friend's house to spend the night. She packed her stuff up (with no help from me), headed to the entry way and stopped at the front door. "Mom, I don't want to go. I want to stay here and sleep with you." I told her to go ahead and we would sleep together at the cabin. So last night I snuggled in on the bottom bunk with my little girl and my little dog. As we were settling in we all got the giggles. Well the two kids and I got the giggles, poor Trent just wanted to sleep. As I lay on the bottom bunk I used my feet to push Naven's mattress - he thought this was too funny. About ten or so minutes of giggling before anyone got to rest. The rest of the night spent trying to sleep, between Angelisa kicking and Naven and Trent talking in their sleep - not so much rest for me.

I feel tired still, but I know I will not be able to sleep. Too many thoughts rush through my head. My job is going well and I am excited about the work we are doing, so many thoughts and ideas come to me in the quiet of the night. After the e-mail I received yesterday about Tamene, so many more thoughts about him and how he is doing. Knowing a glimpse more about his personality creates another rush of thoughts about how he will respond to Naven and Angelisa, and it is so exciting. So it is nice to sit here by the window, relaxing.

Soon Trent's mom will get up and ask how I slept. She will pull out what she needs to make breakfast and start coffee. Normally she would start breakfast, but today she has promised Angelisa can help. I think Angelisa will sleep late, so I anticipate we will wait until we are all hungry and then wake her. Angelisa will help Grandma make the best Monkey Bread ever for breakfast. And we will all tell Angelisa how yummy it is. Grandpa may tease her and say there is something wrong with it, just to get her riled up, then reassure her he likes it too. Naven will wake up and yell for me. "Mom, come here." I will tell him no, to come here to me, but he will demand and I will go get him and he will snuggle on my lap for a few minutes before realizing he has to get out on the dock and fish. For Naven, fishing consists of a speed method of cast and reel, some how a fish jumps on every once in a while. Oh, and he puts the minnows on by himself. He will be out there for hours, or as long as the weather permits.

The plan for lunch is to pack a picnic and head out to the sandbar on the pontoon. We will take the dogs and Luna will hide in my lap while Angelisa tries to hold her. Meadow will be the guard and ward off dogs a quarter mile in on shore. Such watch-dogs I have, fending off imaginary threats.

Luna is warning me that someone in the cabin is up. The sun's path has brought daylight, and the wind continues to relax me.

Ethiopian Fuelwood Carriers

2008-08-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

This is a video of young women and girls who carry wood to earn money to buy food for their families.

iOrganize. iEducate.

2008-08-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

*please be sure to read notes at the bottom of this post.

Don't worry I haven't run out of material to write about - but thought I would collect some info that might spur on some ideas for writing:

Click Here to take survey

I continue to do "e-nesting" - this is my need to ensure everything electronic is "ready". I don't know what "ready" means, I am sure it's as arbitrary as "e-nesting". In KamPossible's world the sky is purple and the language is KamPossiblian. It's my blog, my world, and now my language.

It's Friday night, 2 eternities (weeks) since we officially became Tamene's parents. Officially - on paper. My thought, anyone can be a parent on paper, I need that boy.

It's not every day that someone asks you how many children you have and how old they are. Apparently for me, today is the first time in two weeks. My answer, "Three children, an 8 year-old, a 5 year-old at home, and a 2 1/2 year old we are waiting to bring home from Ethiopia." Apparently not the answer expected - response, "Are your other two children adopted?" I reply, No. Interesting question, of course people will ask this... no real surprise or concern on my part, but just a new experience. I couldn't have predicted it would go quite like that. How would it or should it go? I don't know. I had not thought about it, just surprised myself when I was in the situation.

I wonder what people will ask when they see family photos.
I wonder how family members will explain family photos.
I wonder how family members will introduce our family to their friends, will it be different if I am there or if I am not?

As long as I am thinking about that, I'd like to make a couple of suggestions - since a major goal of my blog is to educate:
The proper way to introduce us once Tamene is home:
"These are my cousins"
"These are my nephews"
"These are my grandchildren"
"This is my family"
"This is my friend's family"
(note how this sounds EXACTLY like you would introduce our family today).

It is not appropriate to refer to Tamene as an "adopted child". He WAS adopted, not IS adopted. It happened in the past, it is not his state of being.

Here are some articles I found - more education on adoption language. (not listed in any particular order Grandmas).

Tips for the Adoptive Grandparent

http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/adopt/grandmothers.html By Beth O'Malley

Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent. Grandchildren are one of life's joys, whether they come by birth or via adoption. All grandchildren are loved equally and are equally lovable.

When a new family member is adopted, share your excitement. Share snapshots. Exclaim about the traits that make this child a prodigy! And know that adoption brings some unique challenges. Following are a few suggestions for navigating once you find you are a member of an adoptive family.

People are fascinated by adoption, and this fascination can lead well-meaning friends and neighbors to pose very personal questions. Remember that a child's adoption story is akin to a conception story. It is private, and one should consult with the adopted person before sharing the details.

Think about language, and encourage others to do so. As an adult adoptee, I have heard this question all my life: "Have you ever met your real parents?" What this said to me as a child was, "Your adoptive parents are fake." I felt confused. As an adult, I answer, "I was raised by my real parents." It's a good idea to call the family of origin birth family (as in birth mother) as opposed to natural family (which implies the adoptive family is unnatural or artificial). Many people will have the best of intentions but use terms that confuse or hurt children.

If your family adopted internationally or from a different race, you have become a member of a transcultural and often transracial complex family. Translated into day-to-day events, this means you might celebrate Chinese New Year in addition to the traditional holidays. Unfortunately, this also means that your grandchild will be confronted by bigotry and will need your support and sensitivity. Your lifetime of experiences will be key in shaping your responses. Be wholly honest.

Remember, throughout, that your grandchildren are connected to you and to the family. They may not look a lot like you or your child, but they will develop similar voice patterns, talents, tastes, and interests. Don't assume the adopted child will automatically know this-it took me 45 years to figure out that I got, first, my dry sense of humor from my adoptive father, and, second, my ability to 'stretch and save' from my grandmother, a North Carolina farmer. Every Carolina reunion I attend reminds me that genetics are not the only way to pass on family traits.

At a recent reunion, I was introduced to my mother's best childhood friend. They hadn't seen each other in over 60 years. The friend inspected me closely and stated, "You sure don't look like a Haney." I smiled back, shook my head, and said, "I sure don't." I knew what she really wanted to know. But at that moment, I was completely my mother's daughter.

What to Say, What Not to Say: Tips for Non-Adoptive Parents

"Is that your real mother?" "Is she your real sister?"

Adoptive parents say they’re often asked questions that they believe people would never dream of asking non-adoptive parents. What non-adoptive families may not realize is that these questions – however well-intended – may feel intrusive or insensitive.

Experts and adoptive parents offer these tips for what to say, and what not to say when talking with members of an adoptive family:

• Don’t ask personal questions.

• Don’t talk about the child in public.

• Don’t use the term "real." Instead, talk about "birth parents" and "birth siblings." Adopted children are, in fact, living with their real parents, who are bringing them up. They are also living with their real brothers and sisters, who are growing up in the same family.

• Don’t refer to the birth parents as the "natural" parents. The implication is that the adoptive parents are unnatural.

• Don’t tell people that they are selfless for taking someone else’s child or suggest that the child is lucky. "First, these are our own children," says Kathryn Creedy of Celebrate Adoption Inc. "Second, adoption is really a very selfish thing. People adopt for just one reason: They are looking for what is inherent in most of us, children of their own. They can’t or choose not to do it in the traditional method so they adopt."

• Don’t tell horror stories unless you can prove it only happens in adoptive families. "The human condition is complex and to ascribe a problem as being solely attributed to adoption is incorrect," Creedy says.

What Not to Say

One of the key pieces of advice that Johnston offers – and one that most adoptive families agree with – is that it’s not OK to ask personal questions:

"When you ask somebody, ‘What do you know about the real parents? What did it cost?’ it’s really like asking them about their conception process. You would not feel OK if someone came up to you and said, ‘That little redhead is so cute, what did you do to get red hair?’ or, ‘What position of intercourse did you use?’ It would be a breech of privacy boundaries – the same is true of adoption."

When the questions are driven by someone else’s possible interest in pursuing adoption, however, many adoptive parents will reveal some of the intimate details without feeling violated, Johnston says.

Lubowich, an adoption educator and specialist, suggests that non-adoptive families phrase statements and questions by starting with "I," such as "I’m interested because …"

If you do not know the family, instead of identifying the adopted child and saying "Excuse me, is your child adopted?" try starting the conversation by talking about yourself, Lubowich suggests.

"You might say, ‘Excuse me, I’m thinking about adoption and if you’re an adoptive family …’" That way, you’re not targeting the child and you’re starting with an explanation.

"Or someone could say, ‘I have some questions about adoption. Is it OK to ask?’ rather than jumping in and asking, ‘Why did you adopt from this place?’ or ‘How much did the adoption cost?’"

Adoptive parent Susan Caughman, the publisher of Adoptive Families magazine, wishes parents would educate their children about adoption "just as they do about poverty and sex and race or gender bias and everything else that’s important to their moral education. Don’t wait for your kids to ask. I think it’s the parents’ responsibility."

Caughman suggests that parents explain that "all children are born in the same way; everybody is born to someone. You might say, ‘Johnny has two families: one he was born to and one that is raising him.’ I think that’s a good solution because it’s accurate," she says. "The No. 1 thing non-adoptive parents need to know is that there’s nothing shameful about adoption. It’s normal. It’s one of the many ways families are formed. They are made by love and not by biology. Once kids understand that, it’s really pretty straightforward."

Creedy suggests that parents talk about adoption with their children in general terms. Don’t say, "Your classmate was adopted and here’s his story." Instead, say something like, "Your classmate was adopted and this is why children are adopted: Sometimes parents can’t take care of their child properly. They work to find a family who can take care of that child. They do what’s called making an adoption plan."

"With that kind of language," Creedy says, "you send a message that this is a considered plan the birth parents are making, rather than someone just giving up or abandoning a child. These birth parents have deep feelings for these children and want what is best for their child."

Personal Questions and Thoughtless Comments: Tips for Adoptive Parents

"Is your son adopted?"

You’re standing at the checkout line at the supermarket, and someone leans over your shoulder and oohs and aahs: "What a beautiful baby. Is she yours?" Or you’re watching your son navigate the play structure at a playground when someone you’ve never met asks, "Is your son adopted? How much did he cost?" Or the boy and girl you adopted from two different birth families in the United States are playing happily together and a neighbor asks, "Are they real brother and sister?"

Adoptive families say they’re often asked deeply personal questions by people they don’t know. "There’s a general sense that people have the permission to say anything they want," says Susan Jordan, the mother of a son and daughter from Honduras. "They don’t imagine we would have feelings about it or that we would feel about our children the way they feel about their children."

Often, adoptive parents don’t know how to respond. Susan Caughman, publisher of Adoptive Families magazine, says the important thing to keep in mind is that the way you respond should be based on the situation, a lesson that is important to teach adoptive children as well.

"If the person asking is someone you really care about, you might explain it one way," Caughman says. "If you are being bothered by someone or don’t even know them, answer another way."

"If someone asks, ‘How much did she cost?’ you might say, ‘She’s priceless.’ Or you could say, ‘Would you like me to call you and tell you more about the process of adoption at another time?’"

Renee Lubowich says one of her favorite responses for adoptive parents is, "Why do you ask?"

"I think it gives the adoptive parent more time to think about how they want to respond," she says, "and it also asks the questioner to think about why the question is being asked."

It can be a burden for adoptive families to always feel they have to be educating the world, Lubowich says. "But for someone who is interested in adoption, you might say, ‘I’d be glad to talk with you sometime. Here in the supermarket doesn’t seem like the best place.’"

Lubowich says it’s important for non-adoptive families being addressed in public to set an example for their children. "My response is really for my child, not for the person asking the question or for me. It’s what I’m teaching my child about how to handle herself in the world."

(www.parenthood.com)

*** If anyone is wondering I have NOT been offended by any questions anyone has asked me to date. A few comments that have come up seem completely unnecessary, but I am trying to stay in the education mode before becoming frustrated. I have been pretty open with information about the process and I have not been offended by people who have asked about cost - generally people who seem genuinely interested. Feel free to keep asking questions, I want to prepare for the language now before I have to figure out how to answer when my little man is standing by my side.

I know I have said this before, but I am going to say it again. We have total respect, gratitude, and appreciation for Tamene's birthmother. In addition to holding his mother in a positive light, we will hold his culture, country, and birthfamily in a positive light as well. When he becomes "of age" he can discover for himself his opinions about his history and culture and our family's history and culture. Until then it is our job (our entire village) to ensure he understands that all of this is equal in our eyes, one is not better than the other.

As always thanks for reading!

Post #67 A flashback of Random Thoughts

2008-07-31T16:21:00.000-07:00

We wait for the birth certificate.
Waiting is hard - I am back at some strange "nesting phase" I am organizing lists and paperwork. Here I attempt to clean up my blog.

As I clean house in "Before I Knew You" ...

I have several blog posts that I started but did not complete. These are here for my own record and not intended to be followed by the reader (though there is a line or two of humor below). The post on donations, should not be considered a solicitation, this was an idea I had, but decided to take another approach - if you are interested in donating feel free to do so.

8/1/08
While we try to teach our children all about life,Our children teach us what life is all about.~Angela Schwindt

There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. ~Frank A. Clark

7/25/08
Looking for a little humor I did a quick search for humor in the news. Seriously you can't make things funnier than real life can make it for you.

Headline:
Angry man shoots lawn mower for not starting.

I thought this was funny, but when I realized this guy was from Wisconsin it some how made it even funnier. Maybe the picture of the "accused" was the icing on the cake. I won't describe this man, but he does seem to bring to mind the same vivid image I get when I listen to Jeff Foxworthy's, "You might be a redneck". "You might be a redneck if you think you're going to show your mower who's Boss by using a shortbarrel shotgun when it decides to 'play dead'."

Headline:
Underwear chicken dare puts man in hospital

An Australian man's dare went horribly wrong when he tried to play chicken with cars on a freeway wearing only his underwear. The 18 year old was critically injured after being hit by a four-wheel drive on a freeway

7/19/08
The fine folks at our agency have informed us that we are legally the parents of little Tamene. We are incredibly excited, it feels surreal.

The next step in the process is that our agency blessed us with another round of waiting and paperwork (feel the love). I am not sure how much more waiting and paperwork I can take before my head pops off.

I am officially the mother of three children.

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. -1 Samuel 1:27

6/26/08
Word of the Day Thursday June 26, 2008
Today's Word
Cockaigne \kah-KAYN\,
noun:An imaginary land of ease and luxury.
Outside, in the dark, a wobbly patch of life upon the blue snow, the deer perhaps browsed, her soft blob of a nose rapturously sunk in the chilly winter greenery, her modest brain-stem steeped in some dream of a Cockaigne for herbivores.-- John Updike, Toward the End of Time
Everyone was seeking renewal, a golden century, a Cockaigne of the spirit.-- Umberto Eco, Foucault's Pendulum
Cockaigne comes from Middle English cokaygne, from Middle French (pais de) cocaigne "(land of) plenty," ultimately adapted or derived from a word meaning "cake."

6/25/08
To all our family and friends,

We hope that you and your family are well. As you know, we are in the process of adopting a little boy from Ethiopia. We are still waiting for our “court date” (this will get us a better time frame for travel) and we hope that we can travel this summer. The process of choosing Ethiopia as the country we’d adopt our son from was an important decision . Once we decided on Ethiopia, however, we wanted to better understand the country, its culture, its people, and the issues it faces. Ethiopia is a beautiful country rich in history and culture dating back to the dawn of civilization. However, modern Ethiopia suffers from massive poverty and there are an estimated 4.5 million orphans (more than the entire population of Los Angeles, CA). Many of the orphans have lost their parents to the AIDS pandemic and other diseases. Many of the common diseases and illnesses that we come across every day in our country can often be fatal in Ethiopia due to extreme poverty and the lack of basic medical care. Also, due to extreme poverty in Ethiopia, many families decide to relinquish their children because they cannot provide even the most basic needs for them. An Ethiopian child is 30 times more likely to die before his or her 5th birthday than a child born in the west. Half a million children (500,000) under the age of five die each year (one child per minute) in Ethiopia because of illnesses such as malaria and measles, as well as pneumonia, diarrhea, and malnutrition.We are dedicated to providing support to a couple agencies that we feel are doing good work for the children and families of Ethiopia. One agency that we support is African HIV Orphans: Project Embrace (AHOPE) (http://ahopeforchildren.org/) which takes care of children that are orphaned and HIV positive. AHOPE was originally founded to care for HIV+ children until they died of AIDS. In the early days, a child was not accepted into care unless the staff could afford a funeral for the child. Then in September of 2005, lifesaving antiretroviral (ARV) drugs were made available to the children of AHOPE and the children began to thrive, grow, and simply LIVE. It was a miracle of enormous magnitude. As the children grew healthier, their needs changed and now AHOPE’s focus has expanded beyond the basics such as nutrition and medical care, to education and even preparation for adulthood. AHOPE now reports that over twenty children they cared for are now home with their adoptive families and at least twenty more are in process.Also, our adoption agency, Children’s Home Society and Family Services (CHSFS) has a number of on-going projects (http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia.html) that provide healthcare, housing, education, and other necessities for children and their families. In order to do this good work, these agencies need support and supplies. We are asking family, friends, and co-workers to consider making donations to one or both of these two worthy agencies. Any donation, no matter how small, will make a difference in a child’s life. One generous way of donating would be to sponsor a child at AHOPE for 6 months to a year at $30/month. You can do this individually or as a group effort with others. Sponsoring a child would provide the child with lifesaving antiretroviral (ARV) drugs.

Ways to donate to AHOPE:

• Make a (tax deductible) cash donation to AHOPE through the agency’s secure online donation form at: http://ahopeforchildren.org/ (left side of page, “Direct donation” link). One option is for sponsoring a child at AHOPE.

• Make a (tax deductible) cash donation to AHOPE by making a check out to “AHOPE for children”. You can mail the check directly to us and we will forward it to AHOPE in late May.

• Make a donation of medical or other supplies (see list below). Gina will coordinate picking up donations over the next month, and then will be taking these donated items with her to Ethiopia to deliver directly to AHOPE’s facility (located next to our agency’s facility) in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.Ways to donate to CHSFS’ projects in Ethiopia:

• Make a (tax deductible) cash donation to CHSFS through the agency’s secure online donation form at: http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia.html (bottom of page, “Online Secure Donation” link). On the form, be sure to direct your donation to “Other” and then specify in the comments box which Ethiopia project you would like to support (see http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia.html for the project list)

• Make a (tax deductible) cash donation to CHSFS by making a check payable to “Children's Home Society & Family Services” and designating on the memo portion of the check which specific CHSFS project you would like to support (see http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia.html for the project list). You can mail the check directly to us and we will forward it to CHSFS in late May.

6/14/08
Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor

I do miss my daddy. He is the image of a warm shelter when I need protection from the world. What a great man! I wish he could be here with me everyday. I know I would be a different person if it weren't for him.

5/24/08
If you have some time, view this video by a National Geographic Photographer, Celebrate What's Right:
http://www.celebratetraining.com/

Celebrate what's right with the world.

What's here to celebrate? What are the possibilities?

The adoption journey allows the adoptive family to expand and grow and share their love. It allows those families who may otherwise not have the opportunity to raise children a new and revived hope and excitement. The adoptive family is given the opportunity to be blessed by and learn from another soul in a way that otherwise may not be possible. The adoptive family is able to connect with another family in away that may otherwise may not be possible.

It's in the doing

2008-07-30T19:43:00.000-07:00

Travel to Ethiopia appeals to us for many reasons. First and foremost, of course, is the union with our new child.

Additionally, travel to Ethiopia allows us to learn about the country our child comes from. We will learn about the culture, food, people, the land. And the excellent opportunity to meet Tamene's birth mother. Some of our friends or family have asked why we need to travel. People wonder why someone doesn't just bring him to us here in America. Bringing our son home is only the begining of this adoption journey, not the end, especially for Tamene.

- on a side note, I went to a Travel Clinic today to ensure I have premium protections from any possible encounters with bugs, bacterias or other illness causing matter. My doctor today was from Ethiopia, how unexpected was that???? We spent about 30-45 minutes talking about Ethiopia, adoption, our adoption agency, and then about 5 minutes making sure I had all my immunizations. It was great. He taught me some Amharic and told me a lot about the culture and why some children end up in an orphanage. The most important part of this appointment, to me, was the doctor's repeated attempts to ensure I could say Tamene's name correct. I think we are now on pronunciation #3, likely this one is accurate or at least the most accurate that we will get until we meet him. Tah-men-ah or Tah-muh-nuh not that there is a variation in the pronounciation, but that it's hard to figure out the best way to write it phonetically. My poor dad keeps practicing the name, I feel bad to tell him we might still have it wrong. I just want to be clear now, we will expect people to learn to say it correctly (those with accents will be given some leeway).

Back to the exciting event of traveling to Ethiopia - today I talked with my mom about her trip to Turkey and the first time she met my dad's family. She said so many things made sense to her that had not made sense in the previos 20+ years of marriage. Why my dad thought eggs and fresh tomatoes makes a great breakfast, where my dad got his looks, his intelligence, his ability to dance and sing (if you know my dad you will find some humor in that last phrase - I love my dad!!) In any case, my mom feels that our trip to Ethiopia will be priceless in our ability to relate to and understand our son. My mom knows this, she has lived this, I trust that she sees many things in my future that I have not yet imagined.

So, Trent and I will have the great priveldge of expanding our family on this trip. Additionally we will be trying to learn about a new culture and people, in a new place (my one trip to Canada cannot be considered international travel), with new food, and the pressing need to remember EVERYTHING so that we can relay it to our son as he grows and asks questions. WOW! That sounds like a lot to manage... too much to manage. My wild imagination plans for all this as well as any other possible worst case scenario, lost luggage, illness, lost ID, upset or sick child. So Trent and I asked ourselves, how will we manage all of this and still find a way to enjoy this very special time with our son. We decided we needed a helper. Someone who has been close by and knows what I know about Ethiopia, knows what I know, and more, about adoption, knows about health and illness (a medical professional perhaps), someone who can tolerate the new food new, culture, and possible lack of restroom facilities. Someone who knows me well enough to tell me when to pull it together and when to let me lose it. Some one who is willing to spend about 70 hours in airplanes and airports in one week. The list of requirements goes on and on. Many people I know can handle one or two of these aspects, but all of them? Maybe my mom... nope she just had surgry and has zero interest in being on a airplane for 24 flight hours one-way. Maybe Siter-In-Love - no just can't ask her to leave her child that long. Maybe someone in Trent's family - no, they have a lot going on, and it's a lot to ask, just to come take care of me and Trent. Maybe someone is interested, maybe someone has mentioned they would come with - Yes... Soul Sister. She is a nurse, comes from a family who adopted, knows everything I know about this process and Ethiopia (because I make her listen to me ramble on). When we didn't know where we were going or how or when, she said maybe she could come... I need her to come. Imagine the change that Trent and I will experience during this time, how could we do it alone, why would we? We know many other families who take a friend or "guide" or family member.

All of these things are important, very very important and the main reasons we decided to ask Soul Sister to join us on this trip. But in the end I think the most important part will be the witness to the event that she can bring home with us. Since we asked her to travel she has coordinated medicine for travel and helped me to follow up on my packing and other to-do items. She has made sure we have numerous precautions from those bacterias, etc. that I mentioned earlier. She has been excited with me and said with me and she has waiting with me, and I am so glad that Trent and I have asked her to join us.

If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. ~Edgar Watson Howe

Soul Sister thanks for your interest and willingness to make this journey with us.

Where were you?

2008-07-30T04:27:00.000-07:00

This blog is inspired by a question from another faithful reader of my blog. I know she has said a few prayers for me in my time of need. I appreciate her insight and questions they make me see things from another point of view.

Yesterday she asked what was going on in my life during the time Tamene was born. Computers offer an amazing amount of information about a person. There among my electronic files I found a snapshot of my life in October 2005. A blurry picture, but better than the blank slate that existed before my research.

I looked at my old files to see if I could tell what was going on in my life when Tamene was born. Actually the week or so prior to his birth I spent a week in Chicago for work; then about a week after his birth I was in Vermont. Apparently I was job hunting in the mean time, it appears I was updating my resume pretty frequently during this time. The averageness of what was going on in my day to day life just doesn't do justice for what was going on in the world and how it would affect my future. Had I even a glimpse of the random possibility that I might be here 2 1/2 years later, obviously, I would have stopped to honor this time for Tamene, and his birth mother. Oblivious to a world beyond my own, I was wrapped in a job, and missing my children and husband as I traveled. Tamene was born on a Tuesday.

Monday's child is fair of face. (ANGELISA)
Tuesday's child is full of grace. (TAMENE)
Wednesday's child will fear no foe. (NAVEN)
Thursday's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving. (ME)
Saturday's child works hard for a living, (TRENT)
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

I read a little about the origin of this poem/rhyme, interesting... that's all just interesting.

With empty hands

2008-07-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

Tonight there was a change that impacted people I love. In protecting privacy there are no identifying details in this story. Thanks for reading and understanding that this blog is a place for me to take an active and moving event in my mind and lie it to rest here for the night.

I went to help. There was a brief moment in time that seems some how frozen. From that moment you recognize someone you love is in need, you want to help. And love, I think, means you want to fix it and make it better. Whatever it is. And you believe, through love, that it is your sole responsibility to fix whatever is wrong and protect those you love.

Love is such a wonderful thing. Loves provides happiness and memories, and faith and hope. But in a moment where you cannot change what is affecting those you love, love brings pain... or allows pain, or requires pain, I am not sure which. There must be a direct correlation between how much you love someone one and how helpless you feel when you cannot protect, when you cannot fix. I saw this tonight.

In my mind there is an ideal world where everything works the way I think it should, I can fix anything, I know everything, and there is no mountain I cannot move. But outside of my "ideal world" there is an encounter with the reality of what a small little being I am in this great big universe. Life is a cycle, full of changes, we do the best we can to prepare, but there are surprises, shocking surprises that leave you feeling lost and confused. No book or research can prepare you for that unanticipated change in the cycle. Without information I feel stripped of who I am, finding a core fear that dwells suppressed by the endless trail of information I feed to that needy monster of fear.

By human nature we want to know why. And by human nature I believe we will find and create those answers in their own time - in the right time. The same series of events that we can create and follow in our mind, bring us to the blessings we receive or the losses we encounter. The blessing in my mind, may be a loss in yours. (for a moment back to the adoption - my blessing is another woman's loss). How can sadness and happiness, comfort and loss be in the same exact moment. A happy ending depends on where you stop the story (quote plagiarized from a Google search - I have had a long night, sincere apologies and gratefulness to the author who penned those words).

When I have nothing to offer, when that suppressed fear finds it's way to the surface, I do not have the answer, I cannot fix the problem, I am not even sure if I understand the question - it is there I have only love. And I offer my willingness to share the sadness and the loss, to carry a portion of the burden, if I can, if I am allowed, so that the burden is not so heavy for the ones I love.

In moments of loss where grief brings the pain we experience today, it is a result of the happiness we once experienced.

Love. Loss or Change. Fear. Reality. Blessings. Relief. An infinite amount of information could exist related to any one of these words, but tonight all captured in one moment.

Even when your hands are empty your heart can be full. Tonight that is all I had to offer.

Due date

2008-07-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

I am sure you are wondering how I feel day one post Triathlon experiment. Let's just say it feels a lot like I swam a quarter mile, biked seventeen miles and ran three point one miles. I don't think I need to exaggerate, I feel every last stroke, pedal and step. I feel every last wave, hill and march in every part of my body. Nothing was spared. Experiment results: training for competitive sports will spare you from pain and injury. The funny part is I think I knew this before my experiment. Oh well, now I have first hand proof- see my positive mental attitude at work?

Tonight Soul Sister and I were calculating when we would be traveling to Ethiopia (just to throw it out there we= Trent, me, Soul Sister - more on that later).

The agency says it will be 8-12 weeks from our court date until we travel. Apparently they don't know me very well. I do not have the patience to wait that long. In my world, time just doesn't work that way. Oh, and rules like that also don't apply to me, they just don't. If there is a loop hole in the system, I will find it. I have completely abandoned the idea of waiting contentedly. If you e-mail me I'll send you his picture and you will understand why.

In any case, I have made many references to the parallels between pregnancy and adoption. Soul Sister was kind enough to point one more out, this one I don't like at all. She asks some crazy question about when my kids were born and their due dates... were they on time? "Yes, yes they were on time." Thanks so much for asking that encouraging question. If we have to wait more than 8 weeks, say 10 weeks because that would be considered "on time" in an 8-12 week scenario, I am going to explode. It's Trent's fault he's on time, the kids are on time. Not to say that I am early, I just know how to "work the system" even if I am running late. Angelisa lectured me on my timeliness the other day. Picture this, said by an 8 year-old with as much sweat and sarcastic humor as any 8 year old would have the ability to conjure up, "You know you are not a very good example as a parent?"
Me: I'm not?
Angelisa: Nope (note smile in the voice)
Me: Why do you say that?
Angelisa: Because you tell us to get ready to leave and you just keep typing on the computer.
Me: Is Daddy a better example?
Angelisa: Yes
Me: Why?
Angelisa: Because he puts all of our stuff in the car and makes sure we have everything we need, THEN he tells us to put our shoes on.
Me: That's why Daddy is better than me (note smile in the voice)
Angelisa: [Smiles back]
Me: Fine, lets go.

My point is, the kid is on time like her dad. So is Naven. Do you know how bad I wanted those babies to come out of my belly early. I took the advice of some Google searches and drank tea, and ate strange foods, etc. I was ready to meet my babies. I didn't mind being pregnant, but I hated waiting to meet my babies. I tried to get them out early, I really, really tried. But no! They both came exactly on their due date. Exactly. Thanks Daddy!

So, once again, Soul Sister brings me back to reality. I might, just might have to wait for Tamene to be on time like the others. But maybe my power of the Positive Mental Attitude will get my little boy here in record time. Let's place bets to see who is most in tune with the universe... Trent, Mr. On Time or me Mrs. I Gotta Have it My Way, Right Away (Burger King?)

No pain no gain

2008-07-27T12:36:00.000-07:00

Thursday, June 26 (one month ago) was the last time I did any real exercise or working out, a forty mile bike ride took place that day. Yes, a couple of brief "open water swim" attempts while taking the kids to the beach and maybe one night a bike/swim. But not training everyday for an hour. It was prior to my last Triathlon on June 1 that I really trained for a race. Just days later I received our referral. Would it be necessary to point out that my focused changed then? Racing in another Triathlon fell way down the list after, figuring out everything I needed to do to prepare to be the mother of a 2 1/2 year old, mother of three, traveling to Ethiopia.

So in the previous couple of weeks people have asked me if I was prepared for this Triathlon. Ummm, nope. Not physically. I finally decided to explain to people that I was doing an experiment, see what happens when you don't train for two months and then run a Triathlon. "Have you worked out lately?" "No, I don't want to upset my experiment." So last night, "carb load" (read - eat as much pasta as you can fit in your belly and still get up and walk away from the table), then a good rest (read - up blogging until 11pm last night) and up at 4:45am to prepare for race day (read - throw together all the requirements to get through a race and spend 10 minutes looking for running shoes).

The event - 1/2 mile swim, 17 mile bike, 3.1 mile run. Lesson learned, if you prepare mentally you can achieve anything! I completed this race in 2 hours and 6 minutes, my last race was completed in 1 hour and 45 minutes. Today's race was longer. Fastest time in my age group in the last tri was 1:09 and the fast time in today's was 1:21. So it was a longer course possibly more difficult I can't account for all the factors. I would say I did pretty close to equally well in time. Oh, but wait... the story isn't over. I came home and took a two hour nap, and right now as I type, I would say I feel like I was run over by a truck. After the last tri - I felt pretty good, ready to go again actually. Today, not so great. I may return to bed after I complete this blog post. I can only imagine what tomorrow will feel like.

If I draw a parallel of lessons to be learned from this triathlon to our adoption process (I have to make the post relevant to the blog right?) I would say this: Prepare physically and mentally. Be hypervigilant about internal and external factors, and in the end success will feel better and be enjoyed more. I know some days I am over the top with some of my adoption preparations; but when I get to Ethiopia and I have every last item I need, no wishing for a bag of peanut covered M&Ms, no wondering if have taking an extra vitamin would have kept me healthy, no concern about running out of diapers or wipes - none of that. No surprises about a little boy who's not interesting having new parents, nor surprised family members responding to our intention to embrace a new culture, nor wondering why our new son is still having nightmares months after we are home. I will be prepared, and hopefully I have done my best to prepare others. You don't just wake up one morning and think you can run a triathlon, either you endure the pain of training before or the pain of racing after. I hope my preparations for this adoption is allowing me to pay my dues in advance so that I can enjoy the outcome of this adoption journey!

Living out loud

2008-07-26T19:45:00.000-07:00

*I would like to apologize in advance for any references in this post that might offend. I really want to be able to make my point and this topic is hard to cover without pictures. I want to clarify, I know that skin colors do not come in red, yellow, black, and white. I don't use these references to make light of the issue, in fact the opposite, I am trying to embrace their culture and what is important to them, and how much I love each of them.

Today Trent and I attended a class at our agency. It is a required class for those adopting children over the age of 12 months. While we were there, we ran into a couple from a previous class. I love being part of this adoption community. There are a few things about being adoptive parents that can only be understood by families who are adopting or have adopted. We were able to have lunch together and talk about our journey. It was so nice.

Today the class, and some conversations, reminded me of just how unique and special this journey is. I reflected on the extreme change that is about to happen to my family. Being a mother of three is only the tip of the iceberg for what's about to change in my life and the life of my family. We are about to become a transcultural family. We will be a Turkish-Polish-Swedish-Norwegian-African family (not listed in any particular order, if you were wondering). All of us. We embrace all of those cultures and we are so excited to continue to teach our children about where we come from and what makes us special.

Once a family becomes different, visually different, there are many things that people will be able to tell or assume about our family. Some correct assumptions, some incorrect. Family photos with two light colored children and one dark colored child... likely some one's curiosity will require them to ask why.

One thing I appreciate about my family of origin is the diversity (see comment on previous blogs). When my family gets together it is like a United Nations meeting. We have Native American, Turkish, Greek, Taiwanese, African-American, and now we will add African. We love ALL the little children of the world, red and yellow, black and white - is that song still politically correct? The diversity extends beyond skin color and into colorful pasts, careers, religions, life stories and family dynamics. We know no two people or families are alike, but with my family, sometimes the only similarity is that we have so many differences.

So from my perspective Trent's family has tons of similarities through out the family and extended family. It was one of the first things I noticed when I met his family. They stood out because they all seemed so similar. I definitely appreciate this about his family. The Grandmas are Grandmas, the moms are moms. Not a dynamic changing environment like my own family. I don't want to draw any comparisons to say one is better than the other, that is not the case. They are different in a way that has to be appreciated. For Trent and I these worlds can create a great compliment for us and our needs.

I do have to wonder how his family may experience this change we are about to bless them with. We have made a decision that impacts his family differently than it impacts mine. If my family goes out to dinner (red, yellow, black and white), will anyone even wonder about our new little boy... will anyone walk up and say, "Hey, are you all related?" No, I think mostly people would decide we aren't all related. However, Trent's family will now include black and white. I look forward to the unique journey that this dynamic will create on its own.

Trent and I have decided we are willing to live out loud. We understand that people may approach us and ask questions. We have plans about how to deal with that and how to answer those questions. This is another reason I have this blog, to educate our friends and family about this change. Having this child requires us to be a family living out loud. So much for us all to learn and wonder about.

Before We Knew You...

2008-07-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

*editing to protect privacy

Thanks to all of our family and friends who have written to Tamene. I know there are more coming but I wanted to post these to get started.

Legacy of an Adopted Child
Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.

Two different lives shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love. The second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent. The other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile. The other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me through your tears,
the age old question unanswered through the years.

Heredity or environment, which are you the product of?
Neither my darling. Neither…Just two different kinds of Love.
Love from your Great Aunt Wally

- Wally, thanks so much for this touching poem, how perfect it is. I hope someday it will help to respond to those inevitable questions. Thank you for your support and love.

Dear Tamene-

As our family eagerly anticipates your arrival we think about you every day. We check your mom's blog everyday for updates and clap together when there is good news!! We pray for you that you will be safe, happy, and healthy until you are with us and we are able to see this for ourselves. I pray that the woman who brought you into this world will have peace in her heart and understand truly the generosity that she has given to your new family and the people that are a part of their life. I also pray for your mom, dad, Angelisa and Naven that they are able to have patience in the anticipation of your arrival.

I don't think that there words that capture the joy we feel as we await you coming into our lives. I want to tell you that I have known your parents for about ten years(wow) and Angelisa and Naven all their lives:) This is an amazing family that is going to take wonderful care of you! I have always been able to rely on your mom and dad for whatever I have needed in my life. They have cared for me and my family unconditionally. There are so many moments in my own life that I could not have got through without your mom. I am so happy that you are going to be able to a part of the this family and the circle of family and friends that they have created.

Welcome Tamene--I promise you that this journey for you will be nothing short of wonderful. Jody & Paul & Carter & Isabela Christensen

Jody, thank you so much for your sistership. Thanks for being witness to my life and this journey. You too have been an important source of support in my life, I am glad our paths have crossed.

"Tamene, I have been praying for you before we know who you were. There have been many prayers surrounding you and uplifting you. Your journey has just began. Your new home is very different from the home you have known so far. Hold precious in your heart the home you've known, and rejoice in your new home and surroundings. God has great plans for you. We shall continue to lift you and your family up in prayer and are eager to meet you face to face. Many blessings on your journey in life."
Barb

Barb, thanks for your support and thanks for sharing your "Best Woman" you have no idea how much she has helped me. Thanks too for your support (work and personal) in the last months. I cannot wait for you to meet our little boy, I know you will share in our joy!

Tamene,
Hey little man how lucky you are to be part of the Peterson family. The Lord is so great to provide you with wonderful family and friends that love you so much. And the world is so great to give you the opportunity to experience life so large and full of joy.
Oh how I can't wait to finally meet you!
bcopsey

bcopsey, thanks for being such a great friend! We have grown up together and I feel that we are family. I am so glad we were able to share in our "hobby" this summer, a great time of bonding. I am so incredibly proud of all your hard work. You inspire me!

BEFORE I KNEW YOU

On December DAY*,YEAR* in City*, Wisconsin , I gave birth to an 8# 6oz baby girl who I waited most all of my life to see. I dreamt about her from the time my body could produce a child. In middle school I drew pictures of what she might look like and ran thousands of names threw my head trying to think of the PERFECT NAME FOR HER ALONE. In the 9 months she grew in my body under my heart I wondered if she would be smart ,friendly and outgoing?Would she be a people person? Would she be Funny? Or Serious? Would she be perfectly formed? Would she be rebellious? Would she love me as much as I LOVED HER BEFORE I KNEW HER? And in my last trimester I even wondered if she would be a gymnast because she did constant flips pushing off my ribs and causing my bladder to tremble.
It was a very Snowy December and I kept debating if I should put up a Christmas Tree or not. Would I deliver before Christmas? Would I have a Christmas baby? At the last minute I asked my brother Pete to take me to my grandfather’s house to get a tree stand, I would have a Christmas tree to bring my little baby home to. He gave me a Very Bumpy ride saying we will bump that baby out of you. When we arrived at grandpa’s house I went in the basement to look around for the tree stand when suddenly I felt as if I wet my pants. I was sooooo embarrassed. I didn’t even feel as though I had to go but there I stood with wet pants in a puddle. I went upstairs to get Pete to take me home to change when who came through the door but my (ever absent in my life, once in a blue moon father) He took one look at me and said “ Your water broke”! I didn’t feel any pain at that time but by the time we traveled the 7 or 8 miles to Hospital* I was feeling my baby push her way into the world. Eighteen LONG HOURS LATER, there she was.
Kamille Middle* Last*. Kamille for her grandfather in Turkey. Babe* for my mother ( a family tradition of all first daughters having their middle name being that of their grandmother.) She looked rough. A broken blood vessel in her eye from pushing so hard to get into this world. Scrapes on her face and very red hair. Her father took one look at her and said, I really wanted a boy!! It took him until he actually held her in his arms to get over that and he adored her then and adores her more today.
At home she was the best baby. Waking only to eat. Not fussy. In the morning when the sun shinned in through the window by her crib she would smile and stretch. I called her my SunShine. And 34 years later she Still is MY SUNSHINE. She grew to be the best daughter anyone could want. She gave us absolutely no disappointments. She always set her goals and achieved them and more. She is Awsome. A perfect gift of God to us and her name bears that out(Kamille-perfect attribute of God).When I became pregnant with our Son I worried if I could Love him as much as her and if my relationship with her would change because of having 2 children? Aren’t Mother’s silly? God gives us a heart just like his that loves all our children if they are 1 or 12. The Love just keeps S-T-R-E-A-T-C-H-I-N-G to cover all her children.
Then came Kamille’s children Angelisa Denise and Naven Henry. The Love in our hearts streached and covered them. And from the moment they were born it was as if they were always a part of us. Somehow they were there in our hearts even BEFORE WE KNEW THEM. They are a Joy to their grandmas and grandpas. They didn’t grow in my tummy but they grew in my heart and I wondered all the same things. Will she be pretty. Will she have Great hair for Grandma to comb. She didn’t have a lot at first. What kind of person will she be? What kind of boy will Naven be? Who will he look like? Will he be a happy boy? Will he like to hunt and fish? What things will interest him? (He is the Apple of Grandpa Sam’s eye)
In November of 2007 Kami and Trent told us at Thanksgiving that they planned to adopt a child. At first my heart started again. Is this the right thing to do? How will it affect Angelisa and Naven? Your lifestyle is so busy. Is this the right thing to do? Then Grandpa Sam and I went to a church in town and there was a family with 3 biological children and they adopted 2 children, a boy and girl from Liberia, and the Spirit of God moved on our hearts. Grandpa Sam couldn't stop crying. The sermon was about marriages and there sat grandpa Sam with tears running down his face. ( he said I think everyone thinks we are having marriage problems) But God increased our Heart and our Love and a little boy named Tamene began to grow there. We started to wonder all the same things about you. Would you be a boy or girl? How would you look? Would you be healthy and a happy child? We couldn’t wait to see a picture of you as soon as Kamille and Trenton said this is the boy God sent to them. This is their new son. When we got the first pictures it was like looking at an ultrasound picture. A new life, part of us. A new grandchild to love. When I saw your big dark eyes and your ear to ear smile I just couldn’t wait for you to be born into our family. Our hearts began to Love You Before We Knew You. I told everyone at work I have a new grandson and grandpa Sam put a picture of you in his wallet with Angelisa and Naven. Now Tamene we wait, and wait and wait. It isn’t so long but it seems long until you get here. We pray for you daily. For your safety and happiness and pray that God will put love for us in your heart. That you will feel like we are your family because God has knit our hearts together. We don’t know at your young age all that you have experienced good or bad but we know your birth mom loves you very much to want to give you the best chance in life. We promise her and you we will do the best we can to fill up your heart and life with Love and a Good Family. Sometimes life isn’t perfect but God will carry us over what ever lies ahead and Love covers everything.

Love and Kisses Grandma Lovey and Grandpa Sam oxoxoxox

Grandma Lovey and Grandpa Sam, Momma and Daddy. I love you both so much. Thank you for your support and unconditional love. I couldn't ask for better parents or a better life. I appreciate everything you have done for me, I am grateful and I feel blessed. I know I keep you both on a roller coaster in life, with all my ups, way-ups and sometimes downs. Daddy, thank you for making me feel like a princess all of my life. Thank you for making Seneca and I the center of your world. Thank you for all of the sacrifices you made in your life to offer me the opportunity to be successful in my life. I recognize those sacrifices and I appreciate them. Thank you for the integrity, ethics and values that you have taught me to make me the person I am today. Momma, Thank you for being a role model of a strong, independent woman. Your unconditional love for me, my husband and our children is amazing. Thank you for teaching me to stand up for what I believe in. Thank you for showing me how to be a loving and protective mother to my own children. Thank you for being a mother and a friend. I know you will be happy in my happiness and sad in my sadness and there is nothing more I would ask from you than that. Again, I love you both, and know that you both love me in the most amazing way. With infinite gratitude in advance for the many years ahead of love and support that you will provide. I love you both and hope that what I do makes you as proud to be my parents as me to be your daughter. - not to mention it appears my writing skills may have been inherited from my mother, thank you for this beautiful letter to my son.

My Dearest Tamene and 7th great grandchild; I cannot wait to meet you, hold you, spoil you, for I love you already. In everything I do you are in my thoughts. When I first knew you would definitely be coming into our life and family the thought that constantly runs thru my head is; I WONDER...When I talk to your mom my conversation is, I wonder; How are you going to react the day her and your daddy get there and can finally hold you... Are you going to stay with them while they are in Ethiopia going thru the final stages of bringing you home...Are you going to be afraid of an Airplane...Are you going to be afraid when you see a television...are you going to be afraid of your brother and sister, who look and talk different than you...are you going to be afraid when you see a bathroom inside a house...are you going to be afraid of the toys that walk and talk by themselves...Your mom said to keep this short but if I would have to write everything- I WONDER- about it would almost be a book. As we all go thru our daily lives I WONDER how many could put them selves in a position of thinking, If I were to go thru this process would I ever think of how many thousand things there are to deal with and WONDER...Inconsequential things, that we don't even think about. I see your beautiful smiling face in my mind and heart, Tamene. Until we meet----I LOVE YOU!

Great grandma-babe

Grandma-Babe, I breath deep knowing there are not words to describe how much I have enjoyed taking this adoption journey with you. I have been so busy and worried about the details I sometimes forget to focus, I mean REALLY focus, on the little boy whom this is all about. I know that if I call you, you will remind me of his smiling face and every little detail about what you imagined his day to be. Checking in with you, is like checking in with him at the end of the day. "How was your day Tamene?" And surely you have wondered and encountered every detail he has encounter. Surely you have imagined his routine and every new and wonderful thing he has encountered. Thank you for everything you have done to bring me up and make me the person I am. But on this journey thank you for being the voice of my little boy!

to be continued...

Adoption re-cap

2008-07-22T16:05:00.000-07:00

I am just going to do a re-cap of our adoption to date. I decided not to read previous posts to see what I have or have not covered. Just a review of what stands out in my mind today.

We decided last year in November to expand our family. There are other options that were available for expanding the family, adoption was our preferred and number one choice. I am still very glad we made this decision. Zero regrets. Happy with the agency, oh so thrilled with this little boy, and excited about how much I have learned.

Think about the ocean, compare it to a cup of water... a lot more ocean than your basic cup of water! That's the paperwork compared to any other paperwork I have been required to complete in my life - mortgage/house, cars, new jobs, enrolling kids in school, taxes. Apparently adoption has not met the "Paperwork Reduction Act". I have no idea what the Paperwork Reduction Act is, but it seems it should result in less paperwork for a process (Could it be that easy to explain? Maybe for Google or Wiki later). So we have completed numerous forms, we have documented lengthy descriptions about our childhood, our family, our marriage, and our children. We have sent of copies of birth certificates, marriage certificate, taxes - three years worth, fingerprints, and passports. I have been questioned, poked and in some cases prodded to ensure I am a fit parent, who will live a long and prosperous life (maybe you can predict these things).

On Tuesday, June 3, 4:46pm Central Time I received "the call". Our social worker leaves a nondescript message about calling her back at my convenience. I was shopping and "ignored" the call since I didn't recognize the number. I listened to the message seconds later and panicked. Your social worker doesn't just call you to check in. That would be like your doctor calling you out of the blue to "check in" while you are waiting for life or death test results... you KNOW why they are calling! I wandered around that department store, oddly trying to act like I was shopping. I wasn't able to make the simple decision to lay down my selections and walk out of the store. First the panic of the message... I heard her voice, hung up, and called Trent. No answer with Trent. Redial Trent, redial Trent. We have a deal that if I have an emergency I will call repeatedly and text until he responds. Otherwise I call him several times a night to leave random messages and updates about my day or the kids - so you see why our "code" is important. It has never actually been used. So three tries, next I call the social worker back. Me, "Hi, are you calling with bad news." Another one of my sorry attempts at humor - I knew why she was calling, remember? She replies with something like, 'no, but do you have time to talk' or something like that. If I wasn't so crazy excited I probably would have replied with, "Not really, I am shopping, can I call you back" More bad attempts at humor. But I said I could talk, and continued to wander in the store pretending to shop. A referral, she has a referral! She reviews pretty much EVERYTHING she has in writing about this child. Then she asks "Do you want to look at this referral?" "Hmm, let me think??? YES send the referral. She sends the info via e-mail. I should have upgraded my phone service to include the data package!

More repeated attempts to call Trent. Two times now. What will I do? Nothing is going to change in the hour or two until Trent can talk to me. Ok, call Soul Sister. "Help me, we have a referral and I can't get a hold of Trent," I say. "What do you want me to do?" she replies inquisitively. I demand, "Talk to me so I don't keep calling Trent. I don't want to interrupt his work." She proceeds to ask me what is going on, I think I was crying but I don't remember. I know I was trying to get home and I turned the wrong way - I started heading to Trent's office - that certainly wasn't the solution to the problem. What, was I going to bust into his therapy session and demand that my excitement was more important that their issues and therapy session? I think not! Anyway, Soul Sister is in the middle of getting her gaggle of kids in the house so she asks me if she can call me right back. She did call right back but I managed to squeeze in two more calls to Trent before she called.

Moments later, Trent calls. This is how I answer the phone "Check your e-mail right now!" I proceed to demand that he check his e-mail and I will tell him what is going on while he is doing as I ask/demand. As I tell about the social worker calling, he says "Awe cute." I demand answers, "Cute? Does he look like our son? Does he? DOES HE?" Trent responds that in fact he does look like our son. Take a moment to consider the humor and deeply moving meaning that came from that question and answer. I was NOT trying to be funny, I wanted to know what Trent felt when he saw the picture. Trent knew what I was asking, and that yes, this is our son. You might ask how we knew. I can only respond with this: How do you know when you meet your soul mate? How do you know when the "right" time is to have children? How do you know when to say when? You just know. We knew.

Since then more paper work and a lot more waiting. I am so excited that I get a son from this process as well as renewed friendships, bonding with family and new friendships. I have met fellow adopters who are such GREAT people. People I work with, people I have met on the internet, and people who I have met in my community who have adopted. All of them so willing to share and help, and all able to relate to the journey of adoption. All of my family and Trent's family so supportive and so willing to assist us during this time - many as excited as we are. Renewed friendship and strengthened friendships, those are my favorite! Thanks to everyone on the journey with us, and for those who stand close by to witness the journey.

I have a favorite quote, slightly morbid, but makes a great point.
Life without a friend is like death without a witness.
I am incredibly grateful for my husband, family and friends, new and old, who are here to be witness both to me and to this journey.

Lurkers de-lurk

2008-07-22T04:28:00.000-07:00

A comment on yesterday's blog.

I wish more people would comment on your blogs. I like to be nosey and see what other people are thinking. I live for comments. - J.J.O

Me too! Too many Lurkers.

From Wiki:
In Internet culture, a lurker is a person who reads discussions on a Message board Newsgroup, Chatroom, or other interactive system, but rarely participates.

The verb to "de-lurk" means to start contributing actively to a community having been a lurker previously.

Feel free to post a comment. De-lurk yourself. Click on the comments line below, it open access and should no longer require a sign in, for those of you who tried in the past.

What should I blog about? & A follow up from previous post

2008-07-21T18:54:00.000-07:00

Recently I felt some guilt for not including some people in this blog - guilt??? Seriously, why should anyone "want" to be in a blog about my son - I must think highly of myself (is she trying to be funny?). I am proud of my blog to be honest. I will guilt people who ask me questions that are answered here. "Umm, you would know that if your read my blog." Mostly I do it to be funny, except for a few people who are, as my friends and family, obligated to read. Sister-in-Love is the mostly likely to be harrassed for asking as question answered here. And she should be subject to public humility for it (case and point). I guess my expectation of her is not only to read this but to understand every detail. A lot to expect from my sporadic, stray topic, say-what-I-think blog.

But to justify my insanity I decided to think through it - Why are some people mentioned more than others? Influence in my life and history with me is the best answer I can come up with. My mom and grandma were there when I was growing up, I know how they respond to me and I can often accurately predict how they will respond. So I know how much and what I can write about them without getting in trouble, you all know how I like a little trouble. Also some of my friends who have been closely involved in the process, they have been there with me through the whole process, every day sending e-mails, asking questions and calling, they end up here a lot. They understand the process and they are so excited with me. Maybe some of them pretend to be excited, but frankly I don't care. I would pretend for them and they should pretend for me! That's like money in the bank of friendship. I think of Friend Goddess, I don't get to talk to her very often, but I feel like she has closely followed what's going on with this adoption, she has thought about how it affects her, and us ,and our relationship though it is more distant than it was at one time, this is big for us in our own way. But there is genuine interest, genuine excitement and great questions from Friend Goddess. To me those things make me feel the need to blog, it's what makes me glad I started this blog. A place to remember the people who are being so very supportive.

There are many people who are being extremely supportive who are not mentioned here, friends and family. Often they are not mentioned because I don't know how they would react to reading about themselves in black and white, or to hear about it through the grapevine. Some of them don't appreciate my sense of humor (and that's ok, I just don't want to blantantly offend anyone). And some of them, I just assume, would like to maintain their privacy.

And, since it worked so well for me last time, one more round of guilt for those who said they would send a letter to Tamene but have not. (Thanks to those who did respond so nicely to my guilt trip last time). Just make note, Sister-in-Love may think she is off the hook with that whole blog about the name, but she is again subject to public humiliation if she doesn't send a letter.

If you wonder about my earlier line about not appreciating my sense of humor reread that last line and replace SHE with your name . ... but SHE is again subject to public humiliation... can you handle it?

I even considered the appropriateness of this blog post but inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Eat, Pray, Love, I decided to go for it. Frist, I highly recommend the book, but refuse to be responsible for subjecting "sensitive" people to Part 3 of the book "Love". If you are easily offended stick to the Eat and Pray sections - yes even the pray section will not offend the easily offended (maybe the "super easily offended" - those people should avoid media all together). In her book she talks about there being 3 levels in a language class. She has no idea what criteria makes up each level, but she knows she doesn't want to be in the lowest level class. She doesn't care what the criteria is for level 2, she at least has to be in that class. My opinion: she cared about other's opinions. Sometimes I care what people think, sometimes I don't. I care what some people think, I don't care what others think - aren't we all like that at some level? Do you care what the "Bobs" think about you? (c'mon there are a couple of you movie nerds that know the Bob's).

FOLLOW UP FROM PREVIOUS POST (some editing to protect privacy)
From Grandma Babe after my last post about her

O>K> I am going to bed now ......Thank you Kam from the bottom of my heart That is all so beautiful......Hope and pray that u get your message Fri and that it isn't false labor and u don't have to wait any longer....almost 9 months...Have you thought about the fact that when you first talked to trenton about this adoption the packers and the vikings were playing and brett farve announced his retirement.....Now that your waiting for your call, brett is back in the news every day and they are talking about him playing for the Vikings as a possibility...Quite a coincidence!!!!!!!!! I am off to sleep and my little boy a world away is just waking up I love you and my babies and of course the hubby lol After all he made me those two beautiful babies ===== with the help of the momma, grandma and great-grandma genes!!!!!!!!!!!

From Grandma Babe on Thursday night after midnight - Start of the day of court:
IT IS AFTER MIDNITE AND YOUR LABOR HAS STARTED !!!!!!! PRAY IT WILL BE NO MORE THAN 24 HOURS AND NOT 3 OR 4 DAYS ====LUV U
THIS IS FOR YOU!!!!!
(e-mail included pic of hundreds of balloons being released)

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
Love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it. Friends are like balloons.
Once you let them go, you can't get them back.
So I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

Grandma after the announcement that we are through court:
YAHOO WHOOPIE YIP TO DO JUMPING UP AND DOWN SPINNING AROUND DANCING SINGING CAN'T THINK OF ANY MORE I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grandma, moments after the previuos e-mail:
R U ABLE TO CONTAIN YOURSELF?????????/ I CAN'T I AM JUST SHAKING THOUGHT IT WOULD BE WAY LATER IN THE DAY GOING TO GO LAY DOWN AND REST FOR AWHILE jUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT BUT THEN WITH YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THANK YOU LORD PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***************

From my mom in the midst of Grandmas e-mails:
Congratulations MaMa
Mom was at work, I understand her brevity and appreciate her taking time out to send an e-mail.

Weekend report

2008-07-20T19:58:00.000-07:00

Friday Morning - Through court and off to work
Friday Afternoon - Pick up dry-cleaning, visit Trent's parents
Friday Evening - Shopped at the Somali Mall, spent the evening with fellow adopters
Saturday Morning - Slept in a little, helped Trent move furniture from his office
Saturday Evening - Get together with Trent's family (late Father's Day, and very late Birthday Celebration for Sister-In-Law)
Sunday Morning - Off to church to see Trent sing. Naven throws-up, return home shortly after arriving. Ask neighbor (Soul Sister) for small favor of support for our trip.
Sunday Noon - Announce to Trent that I plan to be completely packed and ready to leave in three weeks (knowing we may not travel for 12 ;-). Lunch with the neighbors (Soul Sister)
Sunday Evening - Dinner with neighbors (Soul Sister)

Many more details required for each of these events, but just a brief overview for me to remember the busy weekend.

Great time with fellow adopters, learned some new things.
Great time with Trent's family, they are so supportive of the process and the details.
Not-so-great time with sick child.
Great time with Soul Sister, I kind of like her and her hubby :-). They are super supportive too.

Through Court!!!

2008-07-18T21:48:00.000-07:00

E-mail from our country specialist at 10:18 am this morning:

We have received verbal confirmation today that Tamene's case has made it through court in Ethiopia! The written court order and a written letter from the Ministry of Women's Affairs needs to be obtained by our staff in order for your child's birth certificate to be issued and sent to us via e-mail attachment. This process has been taking about 4 weeks. Once we receive and review the birth certificate to confirm that everything is correct, we will forward a copy to you and then you will receive a travel date for 4-8 weeks from the time we receive the birth certificate. Please let me know if you have any questions. Congratulations again! Have a great weekend!

Sorry for posting 12 hours later, but we were celebrating!

We were invited to join another PAC class group gathering tonight (PAC=Pre Adoption Class, or something like that). A friend of mine meets with her group every month and we were able to join them this evening and they shared in our celebration of this milestone.

I will post more detail tomorrow - off to bed for this new momma!

ONE

2008-07-17T04:31:00.000-07:00

One day left! O-N-E.

In a count down, that number one can hold a lot of anxiety. 5, 4, 3, 2... 1... then success, delay or failure. All the work, all the waiting, and anticipation hangs in that moment. It sits heavy, it ponders its impact on the universe. Maybe it is the way the universe does one final check on her plans; is this what's right? Right for everything - what came before, what comes after, is this the right, the most right and perfect thing to happen at this moment? In the end, the moment had it's circle in the sand, the circle was there and planned for it to be exactly as it was, only known by those powers much greater than we can comprehend. But in the moment of the number one, we wait for the reveal of those plans, that have existed before time, to come to realization. (when looking at it like this, it really does make me wonder why I ever worry).

Just a reminder to myself and anyone else who is anxiously waiting with me... anything could happen so that tomorrow is not the day - power outage, missing paperwork, illness, lost files. Right now my mom is reading this thinking, "yeah right, Kamille KNOWS that kind of thing never happens to her." I do have a good feeling we will make it through court and I will get notification about it tomorrow. But, I like to prepare myself, just in case we do have to wait a little longer. Just hanging in there for the "we have lift off", the whole space exploration and walk on the moon is yet to come!

Our Country Specialist did e-mail me yesterday to say that we could hear as early as tomorrow or possibly as late as Tuesday about the results of the court proceedings.

We also received new measurements for Tamene yesterday, he sure is growing! Amazing what food and heath care can do to reverse the effects of malnourishment. His height, weight and head circumference have all increased. At this point he has been with the care center about 10 weeks.

A couple other notes:
A great big ginormous THANKS and hug to Soul Sister for all her help this week (painting, cleaning, private yoga sessions, decision making skills, etc, etc, etc.).
Grandma Babe - I saw your e-mail reply to my post at nearly midnight last night.
Sister-in-love - Any word on how many chickens are needed to keep a Boeing in the air?
Total number of replies to my request for notes to Tamene: 2 (yes 2, and at least 10 of you have told me directly you are "working on it")

Here's to waiting for the universe to reveal its plan...

Two posts for two days left: in honor of my most "dedicated reader"

2008-07-16T17:21:00.001-07:00

I know Grandma Babe likes to check this blog ten times per day, even though I generally only post once. So this post is dedicated to Grandma Babe, first for being my "most dedicated reader" second for being the first one to respond to my request for a note (letter, story, quote, etc) to Tamene in a previous blog post. I will post all of those letters and notes together, but I want to make special note of the one from Grandma Babe.

Several of you have mentioned you will send a letter, note, quote, etc. I really, really appreciate every one's willingness to share in this journey. Please do take note that it kills me not to have a deadline for when these will arrive, please feel free to send them soon (ASAP :-), and I don't want to hear anything about how you don't know what to write, or you can't write very well, this is post #53 for me... I am only asking for one or two lines from you :-). The purpose of this is not as much content, as much as find a way to represent yourself in a documented way as part of our journey - a picture or song would be as welcome as anything. I know you can do it; you know you can do it!

I have mentioned Grandma Babe in an earlier post. For those of you who don't know, that is really what we call her, it is not a name made of for this blog, "Grandma Babe". I did post a bit of information on her back on April 5. A great woman, if you have the honor and privilege of knowing her, you would never, ever forget her. We love her for her honesty - ok, "straight-forwardness" is probably a better way to say it than honesty. I have to decline to use the word honest, since she allowed my brother and I to drive without a license, she hid my brother's car accident (prior to legal driving age) from my parents, she might have kept a couple (read a LOT) of "secrets" for people, and she has the ability to tell the truth 100 different ways if it will protect her family or friends. I don't think it compromises her virtues at all, but I am just saying - straight forward is a better descriptor. She tells it like it is period - unless she has to tell it in another form of truth - I think you get the picture. She is a great woman, your are privileged if you are her family or friend, and cursed to be her enemy. So don't, don't be her enemy, or the enemy of her tribe - make note, it's just not a good plan. I'll move back from my tangent...

Grandma Babe's letter to Tamene:
My Dearest Tamene and 7th great grandchild; I cannot wait to meet you, hold you, spoil you, for I love you already. In everything I do you are in my thoughts. When I first knew you would definitely be coming into our life and family the thought that constantly runs thru my head is; I WONDER...When I talk to your mom my conversation is, I wonder; How are you going to react the day her and your daddy get there and can finally hold you... Are you going to stay with them while they are in Ethiopia going thru the final stages of bringing you home...Are you going to be afraid of an Airplane...Are you going to be afraid when you see a television...are you going to be afraid of your brother and sister, who look and talk different than you...are you going to be afraid when you see a bathroom inside a house...are you going to be afraid of the toys that walk and talk by themselves...Your mom said to keep this short but if I would have to write everything- I WONDER- about it would almost be a book. As we all go thru our daily lives I WONDER how many could put themselves in a position of thinking, If I were to go thru this process would I ever think of how many thousand things there are to deal with and WONDER...Inconsequential things, that we don't even think about. I see your beautiful smiling face in my mind and heart, Tamene. Until we meet----I LOVE YOU! Great grandma-babe

See she does love him! She does say "I wonder" in every conversation about Tamene. Some days I think her excitement exceeds my own.

Grandma Babe is one of my heroes - along with my mom, dad, and loving husband (and on a bad day Dilbert):
A hero has faced it all: he need not be undefeated, but he must be undaunted. - Andrew Bernstein.
I am sure I do not know all of the obstacles and trials she has encountered in her life, but I know she has been through more than some of us would dare to imagine. I see her, sometime she celebrates, and mostly she stands strong. She is indeed human, like all of us she has her moments where I think she may have her regrets, sorrows or perceived failures. But, to me a hero, not undefeated by some of her trials, but indeed undaunted!

I love you Grandma Babe - now go back to bed! I won't be posting again until morning :-)

TWO

2008-07-16T04:05:00.000-07:00

Two days left until the court day!

Breathe.

Yesterday I went to see my doctor. She will also be Tamene's doctor. I like her a lot; an appointment is a conversation, not a bunch of directives and strange instructions that I don't understand.

I used to work there (see the post about passing out from needles)... anyway, I know people that work there. So I called for an appointment two weeks ago. Someone I know was scheduling appointments. She wondered if I thought I needed 30 minutes or 15 minutes. The next 30 minute appointment wasn't until late August. With hopes that I will travel in late August, I decided that was cutting it way, way to close for my liking. I wanted to talk to her about what I should bring for medication, vitamins, etc. for Tamene. I would need time to plan and make sure I could follow any instructions she might have. So, back to the scheduling of the appointment, I was told there was a 15 minute appointment available in two weeks. I said I would take it and I hoped that I could squeeze all my questions in without making my doctor run very late.

So the night before last I spent about two hours going through the paperwork to find all of the information that I wanted to bring to my doctor. I am not sure if two hours was because there is so much paperwork (because I kid you not, there is a LOT of paperwork), or because I obsessed over the information for too long. Probably a combination of both. But, I will blame the expedition on a ridiculous amount of paperwork.

Then yesterday, I get to the doctor with two stacks of paperwork (organized, alphabetized, prioritized as needed). I wanted to know about my medication, and preventative medication I could take to stay healthy while I was there. Is there anything Naven and Angelisa need to do to be prepared for anything that Tamene might have when he gets home? What about medications for Tamene? What if he is sick when we get there? What questions do I ask the pediatrician in Ethiopia? And of course the list of lists of other questions other adoptive parents have brought to their pediatricians along with outcomes of prescribed medications, recommendations and preliminary diagnoses. I also brought information from the international adoption clinic that I worked with, and other various pieces of information that the agency sends that I thought was relevant.

Many of my friends work in healthcare. Some of my best friends are nurses. You know me, I am THAT patient. I mean who brings in a stack of paperwork like that for a 15 minute appointment. My mom is a medical assistant, right now she is reading this and her blood pressure is rising knowing what it would be like to enter all of that information into the electronic medical record.

BUT, I want you all to know that my two hours of preparation for that appointment got me in and out of there in 20 minutes. The doctor took my list answered the questions right on the page. She looked over Tamene's information, wrote me some prescriptions, took a moment to reminisce about my passing out the last time I was there, signed up for "My Chart" (the online portal to my medical records), and we even had another nurse stop in to look at pictures of Tamene. I may be a wacko patient, but I am efficient in my wackiness.

THREE

2008-07-15T04:25:00.000-07:00

Three days left until court. My anxiety builds hoping that all goes well on Friday.

Anxiety is the essential condition of intellectual and artistic creation - Charles Frankel

That's all I have to say (don't act so shocked).

Count down - FOUR

2008-07-14T05:31:00.000-07:00

Friday is our "court date" - four days to go! Another reminder that "court date" means that someone in Ethiopia will take our paperwork and Tamene's paperwork and represent us in the Ethiopian court. If everything is approved, we will be officially and legally recognized as his parents as of the 18th. Talk about building anxiety!

Other updates of note... The "nursery" is done. The boys will be sharing a room. I decided we would offer the name nursery so that I could make the following statement. "Not just every one can paint black in their new baby's nursery"... I'll try to post some pictures, but there is one black wall in the room. I love the rooom, it's perfect. Naven likes it too. Soul Sister helped to paint and arrange it. THANKS SISTER!!!

I have a couple of stories that family have sent for the "before I knew you stories" for Tamene, I hope more of you are able to send some this week. (Just e-mail me any thoughts or stories about the process, or family, and inspiriting quote, I am just looking for a memorable way to track those who were a part of this journey with us).

Thanks too, to all the frieds who came to visit over the weekend. It helps the wait go faster when I have things like this to keep me busy. It was great to see everyone!

Here's to ending the week as Tamene's momma!
Wish me well!

Thanks again for everyone's support and encouragement, we need it more than ever this week.

Through their eyes

2008-07-11T04:53:00.000-07:00

Trans Racial Adoptee - TRA; children adopted by a family of a different race than their own. For those of you who wonder what Tamene will think about being adopted and coming from a country where nearly everyone looks like him, to a country where nearly no one looks like him.

Here is an essay written by a 14 year old TRA from China.

http://kadnexus.wordpress.com/2007/06/04/my-sisters-adoption-essay/

A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should. ~Author Unknown

2008-07-09T19:11:00.000-07:00

I had several interesting interactions with friends in the last days. I just want to blog about the experience, each friend brought me a lot to think about and I experienced a wide range of emotions. I am thinking about this for the first time as I type, so hang in there for the journey of this blog.

Friend 'goddess' writes: I consistently check your blog and think that its amazing. You and Trent are amazing--this whole process is amazing. I thank you for allowing me to be a part of this process. Not that I ever assumed adoption was easy, but I had no clue as to the minute details involved....So I would just like to say Miss Kamille--I am truly honored to be your friend and what an amazing journey we have had!!!!!!!!!!!

Friend 'goddess' and I have shared many life milestones. We were pregnant at the same time with our biological children, we were coworkers in more than one job, we share alma maters (though neither of us have completed the master's degree yet, you can place your bets on her finishing before me), and we share many acquaintances. We have experienced some great times together and a few trials, things that seemed big at the time, but some days make a humorous story now. I like her, she's got a fun personality. The adoption makes a clear difference in our paths, she pointed this out. She went on to say, "So after much soul searching I realized that what a beautiful gift friendship is--despite what is going on in your life you can still grow together and be stronger for yourself and the other person because of it." No jealousy, no judging, just friendship in a real and very raw way. Thanks 'friend goddess', I needed your words today.

Friend 'little sister': She was in the hospital. Being released tonight, she's ok, but a hospital can be scary for anyone. I have tried to reach her to communicate with her recently. But we have had trouble connecting. Or should I say I haven't hear from her. I am not judging, no guilt, just a fact; I haven't heard from her. I worry about her. Worry when weeks pass without some brief e-mail or text message. She's like a little sister. And I want to protect her, but I haven't been able to put out the energy or "protection" that I think she needs. Maybe she doesn't need it. She is strong, she is much stronger than she thinks, some day she will find her internal power. I hope the world is ready for it. Potential energy just waiting to become kinetic. I wish I could be there for her, I definitely want to be there when the kinetic energy lets loose. I believe our friendship is strong enough to make it through this time where I have little to offer her except the love in my heart.

Friend 'big sister': I have a friend who is not that much older, but ohh so much wiser than I (she is going to owe me big time for the lie of saying she is not that much older ;-). This friendship is amazing to me. I have never had a friendship that is not based on some reciprocity requirement or expectation of some kind. But here, nothing. We are who we are, do we what we do. If there is a crisis, a need or an issue she is there, and I am there. No questions, no worries if weeks go by without communication. If there is a need, one of us will call. Intuition here is strong. Why does she call to check in when I am having a bad day? How does she know? Why do I call to find her in tears, or needing a moment to vent. The universe uses our relationship like pawns in a game. Someone knows the what and why, but it's way outside anything I can comprehend! I do love her. It's live having my own Dear Abby in my back pocket. There is never a doubt in my mind that she will be there if I need her, never.

Friend 'BFF at Work': I just want to say that my BFF at work is on vacation. I miss her. I think she and I make each other better people, better at our careers. We can give honest feedback about how we do at work, no judging, no hurt feelings... just the best interest of each other. No competition either. We just do the work and share our frustrations and accomplishments, and talk about family. I look forward to seeing her everyday. We are kindred spirits who compliment each other. I can't wait for her to come back to work.

Friend 'sister in love': I have a whole post about her yesterday. Funny stuff too. She's been in a couple of these sappy posts, you all know how much I love her. I just didn't want to leave her out.

Friend 'soul sister': A phone call tonight from the friend who I think sees my soul. She is a mirror to my soul and a gift from God. She offered her empathy for my ache to hold my little boy in my arms. Just the thought brings tears to my eyes, streaming tears. The chaos of my brain reflected in just a few words from her. Her patience, love and commitment to me do not get the reciprocation they deserve, but she knows how difficult this wait is. I know our friendship will come out on the other side, and I hope she knows that I will be there for her, in the same way she has been there for me through all of this waiting.

After I talked to her I thought about the incredibly long and difficult wait to meet the babies that grew in my womb. I thought how much I longed to hold them in my arms. Then I thought about other times you have that loss feeling: a lost cell phone, how sick does that make you, when you can't find your phone? What about when you can't find your keys, or your social security card (mom???). You just want them back. Inanimate objects that offer nothing other than the security of knowing they are there. Replaceable objects. And I will NOT pretend that I know anything about the loss related to a miscarriage, but the thought of falling in love with a child you have not yet met, the hopes and dreams that develop before you ever meet that little being and the thoughts that come even after the loss... my son and my love for my son grow every day, every moment in my heart. The anticipation of a child should be revered. For those who have hoped to grow a child in their womb, for those who have and who have lost that child and for those who have the privilege of watching your children grow, I have to believe the love is the same. The whole experience and the unbelievable emotion should not be underestimated. If you are a mother, think about the child you grew and nurtured in your womb (or in your heart and soul), then imagine sending them over 7,000 miles away and know that it will be months before you can hold him again. I remember my hysterics when my first born daughter was away for a week. I didn't think I would make it - and she was in the hands of my mother. My little boy is with people I don't know, in a place I can't imagine. I have my own fears about going there as an adult with my loving husband; and there he is, my little boy alone, and brave facing the world. As a mother, this is incredibly distressing.

I am ok, I know he is being well cared for - as well as a child without a momma can be. But I just wanted to reflect on my emotion, it comes sometimes and I loose my breath. Here it is 10pm CST... about 7am in the fine country of Ethiopia. I sleep and he plays, the physical is truly a world away. But he is here, he is right here, growing inside of me, growing in my heart.

Much gratitude and thanks to all of my friends and family who continue to support me through this time of waiting and of joy. Each of you help me to be what I should!

It's an "inside" joke

2008-07-08T05:09:00.000-07:00

I was reminded of another funny adventure that occured over the weekend.

This is mostly full of inside jokes so I don't expect you to "get it", but there should be a little humor in the read. This really has NOTHING to do with adoption, but it was a moment of sight seeing in our journey. As always, thanks for reading.

Let me start out by saying my 15 year high school class reunion is coming up. We have one of those fancy websites with all of our information, class pictured, bio, weblinks, etc. My very good friend decided she wasn't going to post anything (I decided to help her out, she should be proud of her accomplishments!)

Feel free to read about her below (posted in another blog to protect privacy):

http://kampossible.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-ferrunda.html

Saturday night we got together with her 'hubby' Lester. Great guy!! He's so good looking. She'll tell you she married him for the money and the dental... but you can see how she might fall in love with a guy who's so fun to look at.

Play the video below:

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Super-fantastic Blog & A Near-death Experience

2008-07-07T17:31:00.000-07:00

One week and four days until our court date. Then we wait for the birth certificate, then we wait for a travel date, then we wait to travel. Aside from a possible update around the 20th of the month, we really can't expect to know anything new until next month when the birth certificate arrives. Hmmm, the waiting - sigh.

If there were to be any waiting contentedly, it is about spending time with my kids/family and enjoying my new job. I am happy that I get some time to get the ball rolling with my new job, that helps me to wait contentedly. As I mentioned, I refuse to wait contentedly for little Tamene, he needs his momma and daddy!

Today I was able to pester some of my super-fantastic friends (Keith Harrell, who needs an attitude coach with friends like this?). They are assisting me in getting donations for the care center. I received a list, from our country specialist, of items that are needed at the care center. Some of the items are just not available in Ethiopia, or sometimes there is a shortage of an item due to power outages or just intermittent availability. It appears that some of my super-fantastic friends are getting the ball rolling finding me donations and I won't be disappointed if I need to bring another suitcase! Thanks all!

(thanks to the super-fantastic friend who left several boxes of baby clothes in my cube for me to use!!)

Calling all other super-fantastic friends and family (and any other blog readers :-):
I have a favor to ask...
I would like to create a keepsake, that would have a few words to Tamene from each of you. A short letter, poem, quote, funny story, words of advice, or blessings would be some of the content I would be looking for. Send me an e-mail and please sign it with whatever you would like me to note for you as the author on this blog ( i.e. kampossible, kp-minnesota, Kamille, anonymous, etc). I hope to put this together in the next 2-3 weeks. Since the name of the blog is, "Before I Knew You" I would like to have it posted before we all know him. (some of you will get an e-mail requesting you write something - grandmas be prepared!).

It appears that I have been taking life too seriously. A shortage of funny stories makes me wonder what is different. I have a goal to create some funny stories. Oh, wait, I do have one. Remember the Billy Stick/Club that scared the daylights out of me in my cube? Today I notice Billy Club man (I will get his approval to call him this tomorrow) is walking around on crutches. A little noisy... not obnoxious, but I noticed it. I am in the middle of some very important, detailed, information technology work (a.k.a., checking e-mail), when suddenly a crutch comes at me out of no where! I bounced out of my chair, hit my keyboard, and had to pick my heart up of the floor before turning around to reprimand him for nearly scaring me to death. OK, so he didn't mean to frighten me, but I am jumpy, people shouldn't approach too quietly! I am going to get a bell that people have to ring before they move into my cube "bubble". Ok, that's not the funniest story, but trust me when I say I almost died today!

The little one said, "Roll over, roll over"

2008-07-05T05:21:00.000-07:00

Godspeed (Sweet Dreams) by the Dixie Chicks is in the video posted above.

I slept on an airmatress between my two peanuts the last two nights. Slightly cool air moving over us, making them snuggle in as close as they could. Oh, I love them. Sometimes one would roll over and put an arm around me, sometimes one would realize she had moved a little to far to keep warm, and then move right back in to the 98.6 zone. I loved falling asleep with them and I loved waking up with them. They are a part of me, I feel whole when we are all toghether, being connected. Trent was close by, I wished we all could have been together, right next to each other all sharing warmth and breath. I woke up yesterday and wondered where would our baby boy sleep? I have a right side and a left side... room for one child on each side, perfect for the last two nights.

I woke up thinking about the little rhyme:
There were three in the bed and the little one said, "Roll over, roll over."
So they all rolled over and one fell out,
Now there's two in the bed and the little one said, "Roll over, roll over."
So they both rolled over and one fell out,
Now there's one in the bed and the little one said,
I'm lonely, I'm lonely...
So they all got back in.

Later in the morning, I asked Angelisa, "Where will all of you fit, all three of you, if we sleep together?" Angelisa decided that Naven would be on one side, Angelisa on the other, and Tamene could sleep on my belly. I thought this was a creative solution, but presented the thought that it might be difficult for me to sleep all night with a two year old on my chest. Angelisa decided that one child could lay above my head. Well, I can't argue with that, I just don't know which child should have that spot.

Godspeed, little man. Sweet dreams little man! Oh, my love will fly to you each night on angels wings. We cannot wait to be together!

"I just want to go get him" - Trent

2008-07-03T08:03:00.000-07:00

Poor Trent. I drive the man crazy. 5 hours in a car traveling, do you have any idea how many questions I can ask and how many stories I can tell? As we travel to visit my parents, I pester Trent with every question that comes to mind:

What do you think about traveling to Africa?
What do you think it will be like to sit on a plane in a two square foot space for 20+ hours?
What do you think Tamene will think of us?
Do you want to stop? I need to use the bathroom.
Can I read you my blog?
Can I read you another blog?
What color should we paint the boys' room?
Where should we buy bedding for their room?
Where are we, are we almost there?
Do you know I found airline tickets for less than $2,000 each?
What's Dayna's e-mail address? I want to send her my blog.
How many times do we have to listen to Johnny Cash sing Get Rhythm? (ok, I didn't ask that, but I should have).
Are you hungry?
Trent, what should I write in my blog? What do you want people to know? (see title quote for this blog).

That's all for now, just a random thought for today!

Mom, watch this!

2008-07-02T04:34:00.000-07:00

I wish the video they sent me of Tamene had a counter on it so I would know how many times I have watched it. I just watch and watch.

Tamene is a beautiful child. He seems to have a laid back personality, he seems to make others smile and he enjoys smiling and laughing. He appears to be a thoughtful child. He appears to enjoy moving around and moving to music.

In the video it shows him eating. It's a HUGE spoon and he opens his mouth even wider to get the large spoon in. Every single time I watch this, I laugh.

Right now I continue to anticipate the possibility that he may be afraid of Trent and I at first. He may not want to leave his nannies, or he may have other adults he wold like to interact with. But as I watch the video I believe that he will be happy to have adults (us) who want to connect with him. I think he will accept us quickly. As he plays, I watch and see that he wants to have a parent to "check in" with. He looks for someone to "watch" him, as all children at this age do. "Mom, watch me, watch this, look at me!"

Waiting contentedly seems wrong in light of this video. I don't feel right even thinking that I am content with the state of my little boy being there without a momma to hold him and protect him, or without the loving arms of his family. In the bottom of my stomach is an ache that will not go away, I believe there is only one cure... to hold my son in my arms.

Tamene, Mommy loves you!

Your bag must fit in the overhead compartment

2008-07-01T14:15:00.000-07:00

Dictionary.com has about 40 definitions for the word "pack".
The first definition is: a group of things wrapped or tied together for easy handling or carrying; a bundle, esp. one to be carried on the back of an animal or a person: a mule pack; a hiker's pack.
Let me just tell you from there, the definitions get even more obscure from the activity I am working on. "Easy Handling", who are we trying to kid? We are going to haul four, 50-lb suitcases, two "carry-ons" and a purse, 7675 miles, I don't think "easy handling" applies to this kind of "packing".

You might wonder how long we plan to be gone, or what it is that we could possibly be taking that would require about 260 lbs of luggage. We will be gone one week - ok, nine or ten days with the flight included. The problem is in the planning of the packing. I am guessing that if I would pack 2 days prior to leaving I would have a lot less stuff. But no, I have been packing for two weeks and I have another 8 weeks or so before we would even possibly leave. As I mentioned, the problem is in the planning of the packing, which has already been going on for about 6 weeks. You can create a lot of lists in 6 weeks. And I have bought almost everything on every list.

Specifically, the problem is that I have borrowed, copied, and stole some of the lists. They come from people traveling with infants, some traveling with two or more children, some traveling with older children. Some travel in the summer, and some travel in the rainy season. Some have traveled before, some are first time travelers. I have their lists. Granted there is not a lot of diversity in the lists, but each one has over 100 line items, and some lines say to bring 6 things (i.e. 6 pair of socks). Now if each list has 20 or so varying items it doesn't take long to have the List of Lists, that is way too comprehensive. I have to remind myself I am not moving to Ethiopia, just making a round trip.

So what's being packed? Well, let me give you a few "funny" examples of items that are packed, but I just don't know why.
Zip lock bags - not really a bad item to pack, but I have large, extra large, small and medium sized. I believe there are a total of 5 boxes of zip lock bags. These are in addition to the two roles of garbage bags I have packed too.
Toothbrushes - Again, not a bad idea. Fresh breath is probably appreciated in all countries. However, I have packed 6 brushes. As a reminder there are only going to be three of us. This is due to a list error that has me packing a toothbrush in the carry on and in the checked baggage.
Duct tape - Seems like a good safety net item to pack, it's just that I have traveled many times and have never said to myself "now why didn't a pack the duct tape?"
Diapers, pull ups and underwear for Tamene - I have 70 diapers (per several lists this is the magic number). In the event Tamene wears underwear, we have plent o'underwear and if he is potty trained ,apparently a pull up is highly recommended to avoid a blow-out while traveling on the plane or in country. - It just seems a little like overkill - but it is on the list.
Anti-diarreal meds - I have Imodium, Pepto-bismol, and prescription strength meds. Apparently the prescription strength is not good enough for me?
Soap - I have shampoo, tear-free shampoo, body bar soap, face bar soap, soap wash cloths for my face, soap wash clothes for Tamene, and a soap for extra sensitive skin. I have dish soap, laundry soap, and "bubbles". We should all return with that Irish fresh scent.
Clothes for Tamene - not sure what size our little bundle of joy will be wearing, so we have 24 month shirts, 2T shirts and 3T shirts. We have shoes in a 6 1/2, 7 1/2 and 6/7. We bought two pair of the same pants one in a 2T and one in a 3T.
I'll cut it off here, the list goes on and on (there is also humor in the number of batteries I have packed, but I'll spare you the details).

Now, before you mark me as certifiably insane, you should know that most, if not all of these duplicative items can and will be donated to the care center or guest house. If we don't use them or don't want to bring them home we can and should leave them there.

AND it is strongly recommended that if we have additional room in our luggage (there might be 2-3 square inches), that we bring donations for the care center. You see, they don't necessarily have access to the same medical supplies, shoes, and health care type products that we do. Soy formula, they just don't have it there. So, parents who are traveling each bring what they can. You see the beautiful little faces and you can't imagine them not having exactly what they need. They don't have their momma there, the least we can do is bring some toys and formula! So needless to say, each suitcase will be filled and weighed to ensure it is packed as full as possible!

The deadliest catch and other tales

2008-06-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

Salmon fishing expedition 2008: Team Big Shvundo.

My brother indicates that the name of his boat is "Team Big Shvundo". According to him Shvundo means "fun" in Bohemian. I tried to Google it, worried "fun" might roughly translate to some strange innuendo I wasn't prepared for. Google turned up nothing, so I decided I shouldn't be doing any damage by posting the word in my blog (if this is some strange profanity, please notify me immediately, this is a G rated blog!)

Day 1 starts at 2:00am- 1 big boat, 1 Great Lake, 1 motion sickness tablet, 1 extremely long nap (the word "dramamine" translates to "coma" in my world), and 1 big fish, complements of the other fisherwoman on the boat.

Day 2 starts at 1:ooam - ZERO motion sickness medication, 1 bad belly ache, and 7 fish. Two fish complements of my talented fishing (fish on, pole handed to me, and step-by-step instruction on how to reel it in). There was also an interesting CB radio conversation between the "Salmonator" and the "Skinny Dipper" the most hilarious part of the conversation was the names, I don't have more to report on the details of the conversation.

I decided that a Triathlon is easier than Salmon fishing. Though I would prefer another round of Salmon fishing to another Triathlon. But, I plan to do both again.

Thanks to Baby Brother for the excellent chartering job, we all had a blast.

(John O and Fischer, let's go this weekend - Baby Brother approves, weather permitting)

Apparently the assignment of a court date managed to keep me "satisfied" for the weekend. Once I got home I resumed the passion to pack. Another huge round of shopping tonight. I have a bedroom full of Target bags. I have no idea how all that stuff will fit into 4 suitcases, and I still haven't actually packed my clothes. I'd tell you how much we have spent in purchases, but the number is embarrassing.

Edit: I posted this last night and as of this morning this "team shvundo" is now a Googlewhack - ok it's not an official Googlewhack, but it's intriguing. (I found this in one final attempt to make sure "shvundo" is not a profanity in disguise).

Fortune cookies

2008-06-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

Tonight Trent and I went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant. Upon completing this fantastic meal (fanstatic in terms of quanitity, not quality), we were served up a couple of very interesting fortune cookies.

My fortune:
You will take a pleasant journey to a place far away.

Trent's:
Reaffirm your faith in financial plans - make a budget.

Should we dismiss this as coincidence? I think not!

Ethiopia famine - in the news

2008-06-28T06:31:00.000-07:00

No more content caution. This is a reality that these people face everyday. Why should you be protected from reading about it? Imagine those who live it.

*** An educational note: if I haven't made the point in a previous blog, we are not adopting in an effort to save a child. We are adopting because we wanted to expand our family and selfishly have a child to hold and love and play with. Also, this child is not "lucky to have a family like us". Luck and "lucky people" don't experience life as described below. I am lucky/blessed, I am the one who benefits from the sacrifice of a woman who loved her son. Every child deserves a loving home, with food, shelter and clothing, it should be a right; it's not his job to be grateful. He's a child who needs to be cared for, we are a family who wants to grow. It was intended by a much greater plan than I could imagine, our paths have intersected.

Our global family suffers, read on:

Hadero, Ethiopia - – One by one, the children are placed on a scale hanging from a makeshift wooden stand.
The mothers look pleadingly at the Doctors Without Borders aid worker, but he keeps his eyes on his clipboard, tallying the figures that determine whether each child is sick enough to eat today.
The scales in a rural clinic in Hadero, Ethiopia, are the latest indicator of the severity of the global food crisis.
There is only enough medicine and high-energy Plumpy'Nut peanut paste for the most severe cases. Outside, hundreds of hungry women and children throng the gates, desperate to go through the same brutal selection process, pushed back by guards brandishing sticks to clear a path for the next in line.
In this African nation, about 10 million people, more than 12 percent of the population, are now in need of emergency food aid after a drought wiped out harvests. But because grain is now twice as expensive as a year ago – if it is available at all – there is not enough food in Ethiopia to feed everyone in need.
Some aid workers are concerned that the combination of forces could force the country into the worst crisis since the infamous Ethiopian famine that killed an estimated 1 million people and was brought home to millions of television viewers across the world in the mid-1980s.
'Prioritizing' aid
Aid workers and government officials are thus forced to "prioritize," a harsh but necessary part of any relief effort, but rarely as grim a task as in Ethiopia at present.
"People don't know yet how widespread and severe the world hunger crisis is," says David Beckmann, president of Washington D.C.-based Bread for the World. "The gruesome things now happening in Ethiopia may be the first example of a country that's being pushed into a humanitarian crisis partly because of bad weather, but partly because of the high price of food and the high price of fuel."
The World Food Program, for example, is supposed to be doing its part by procuring emergency rations sufficient for 4.6 million Ethiopians, but because of rising expenses it only has the grain, oil, and corn-soya blend for about half that number.
Not much food left to buy
Ethiopia's foreign-funded welfare system, the Productive Safety Net Program, may get around the food shortage by simply handing out cash to some of its beneficiaries who need extra help this year due to the drought. But even with cash in hand, some worry whether there will be any food at all left to buy.
The shortfall in this so-called preventative component of the relief effort means that clinics like the one in Hadero could be thronged by even larger crowds of women and children in mortal need of intensive, and expensive, treatment.
"It is quite important to inject food rapidly into the community," says François Colas, country director in Ethiopia for the Belgian chapter of Doctors without Borders. "As long as food isn't distributed, we will see people falling into severe malnutrition."
The Ethiopian government said earlier this month that 75,000 children are already in peril from the drought.
Most are now in the country's southern lowlands, though the crisis is spreading to the northern highlands.
Drought-stricken zones have been divided into six priority levels, depending on the prevalence of malnourishment.
The largest aid efforts are now under way in areas in the top two categories.
How villages bear the hunger
Still, the crisis does not conform to administrative boundaries, and on the edges of aid operations, some villages are quietly bearing their hunger.
In the Ethiopian village of Kamecho, in one area on the cusp of a priority zone, a young boy jogs along the muddy path, dutifully pointing out the households with malnourished children.
Word spreads that a foreigner has arrived at this remote spot, accessible only by a footbridge.
Parents emerge from huts and fields carrying listless children appear from their huts and fields carrying listless children. One woman marches to the center of the gathering crowd with a bundle in her arms.
She throws the threadbare blanket to the ground and holds up her frightened daughter, the child's lip quivering as her eyes dart from face to face, her bony legs swinging limply below her swollen belly.
She had brought her daughter to a nearby clinic for help, but when the staff discovered that the child was not only malnourished but afflicted with tuberculosis, they referred the child to a hospital 34 miles away in Hosaina.
One staff member, speaking anonymously, says that every week the clinic refers as many as six cases of malnourished children with complications, knowing that most will never make it.
"We refer the kids to the hospital in the hope that they will of course go and be healed, but that is usually not the case, and it is horrible," he says.
Neighbors tell a similar story in Kamecho.
Unable to afford transportation to the hospital, they returned to plow their fields in hope that their children will survive another two months until the next harvest.
The Irish organization Concern says that help may come sooner if it secures the resources to set up operations in the area.
All together, aid operations in Ethiopia will need at least another $300 million this year to fill the shortfall.
The US, Britain, and other countries are likely to step up, but even if these donors provide more funds tomorrow, it will take as long as eight weeks to procure food internationally.
And once reaches the country, truckers are in short supply to distribute the aid, sometimes canceling delivery contracts at the last minute as more lucrative opportunities arise.
Until more aid arrives, government agencies and international organizations are likely to continue to concentrate their resources in the neediest areas – weighing the indicators by the much more convenient statistical scale.

By Nicholas Benequista Correspondent of The Christian Science Monitor
from the June 27, 2008 edition

Like cold water to a weary soul, is good news from a distant land.- Proverbs

2008-06-27T06:37:00.001-07:00

Court date scheduled!

We received an e-mail from our country specialist today informing us that our court date is scheduled. July 18. Of course the e-mail included several "disclaimers" about how we may not get through on the 18th or how we may not be notified for a few days. after the 18th But we are, in fact, one little step closer by having this date!!!

What this means is that all of the legal processing of the adoption in Ethiopia will be complete on this day (or at least we can hope). Tamene will officially/legally be our child. Next we wait for the birth certificate to arrive in the US. Once we have it here, we will be scheduled for travel. Ethiopia regularly has power outages, this would be one issue that might prevent us from getting through court. Apparently, the power goes out and people go home. No generator, no worries, just another power outage. Yes, I have asked if we can purchase a generator for them, apparently not.

The main goal is to get through court before the end of the July. Reminder: Courts close in August and September. If we don't get through now, it will be October before his birth certificate is processed. Hoping, praying, wishing, thinking, crossing fingers...

Current Events

2008-06-26T16:25:00.000-07:00

Font page:
No new news on the adoption front (see below for more info).

Sports: Tuesday I biked 40 miles. Forty, 4-0. Now, I have no idea why anyone would want to bike that far if there is not money or a prize involved. Nothing, just a leisure activity. Why? I don't know why. But I would do it again. It felt great (we've already confirmed I am crazy, so why fight it). It was the most stress relieving activity I have ever participated in. I felt like a new person. Forty miles ending at a friend's cabin, where a one hour nap ensued. After the nap, back on the bikes for a short ride to a cheeseburger. Now I have to admit, I think this would make a great triathlon: Bike, Sleep, Eat. If that were an actual event I bet I could come in second or third, at least! I feel an Olympic event coming on. Beijing here I come!

Career: Work is great too. First team meeting today, with my new team. It went well. I guess I should have asked the team to give a rating at the end of the meeting so I could accurately report how well it went. I thought it went great, I am really excited to work with this team. But I don't know if they feel the same (just because I don't know, not because anything went wrong). Anyway, great people; I can't wait until the work with this team is my main focus, my main focus at work. I do already miss my "old" team. I made friends, I will get to see most of them on Monday. I am looking forward to that. I am lucky/blessed/fortunate to work with such great people. And I am finding that I like the cube I am sitting in (Scott Adams would be so disappointed in me), there are great people close by there too. Though I did briefly think a cube neighbor was going to hit me with a billy stick (is that what they call it, someone e-mail me if I am using an incorrect name or term for that big stick cops carry around). Anyway, I am jumpy and he swung the "billy stick" over the cube wall. Apparently it was actually a fishing pole, I don't know, it almost gave me a heart attack. Now that, Scott Adams could use (Dilbert author, for those of you who don't know).

Travel/Entertainment: There is a Salmon fishing expedition in my future. This event will be chartered by my brother. I received a complete report yesterday about the weather, water temperature, fishing time, location, and potential "catch of the day". I was given information about the best way to dress, eat, drink and medicate (ginger pills??) for this adventure. Apparently, in the worst case scenario, I will be dressed like I am going ice fishing, with a wind chill of cold air coming off the lake that may make it feel less than forty degrees. Best case scenario, warm weather, calm waters, and King Salmon on the line. I keep thinking about the show "Deadliest Catch". The main goal is to get on the water, catch a fish then say, "Wow, I can't believe we did that".

Adoption: On the unofficial list we are #7 waiting for a court date. Our country specialist says we are in the next "batch" of people who will get a court date. If I had to guess we will have our court date assigned next week and it will probably be for July 14 or 17. If that all works we are still looking at travel in late August. Today I decided I was done waiting, I just want to go get him. I have watched that video so many times. I just want to go get him (did I say that already?). When I watch the video I see a child, and another child, oh yeah there's that other kid, and then there is MY SON. Mine, he is mine. I want to go get him. I could get a flight to Ethiopia next week, it would cost a small fortune, but then I could hold him. I e-mailed my social worker, I told her I needed info, some info, any info. She e-mailed me some links to read, I guess that's info so I sure can't complain. Not exactly the info I was looking for, but I can't fault her, she exceeded my expectations considering she can't offer me a court date or a plane ride. Based on the links she sent, a future blog topic will be about why it's important to notice and celebrate culture and diversity.

Money and Business: Trent has started a woodworking business in addition to his full time career. He is making adirondack chairs.

Classifieds: Adirondack chairs for sale. If you are interested e-mail me.

Weather: Minnesota, it's summer. 80 and sunny. Ethiopia, it's the rainy season. It's raining.

Trivia: Milaca has an interesting meaning in Greek (per my mother). Unless you have biked forty miles with me from Milaca you are not allowed to ask me the meaning - it's trivia, look it up.

Funnies: (There isn't much humor related to adoption that wouldn't offend someone, including me. I am NOT out to offend, I thought this was PC and a little cute - also a great lead-in to my future blog about celebrating diversity)
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top branches of the tree. He jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again. The little turtle persisted again and again while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, watched the turtle with pain. Suddenly the female bird says to the male, "Dear, I think it's time to tell our little turtle he is adopted."

Perspective on perspectives

2008-06-24T02:49:00.000-07:00

Perspectives, filters, perceptions, glass-half-full vs. glass-half-empty. I believe we create our own reality; we decide what our reality means to us. Did this bad thing happen to me because I should learn a lesson, or because the world is out to get me? Did this good thing happen because I worked hard and it was a goal, or because of luck?

This was somewhat of a "fortune" I received yesterday:
"Ask, believe, receive."
I believe that is true, if you ask and believe you shall receive (can be implied with or without religious connotations, you make the call).

So, how is it that this seems to work better for some than for others? It's all about that perspective, the color of our glasses, the view, the attitude, the beliefs.

Here are some quotes I found in a research for quotes on "perspective":

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world. - Helen Keller

What we see depends mainly on what we look for. - John Lubbock

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. - Winston Churchill

Why is this important? There are a few reasons these thoughts come to me today, but here is one example. The adoption, telling the story to two people gets very different reactions. Honestly, it's an amazing phenomenon. It takes a little work to keep myself balanced in how to respond to these variations.

If I tell someone we are adopting one person says, "how exciting, how great, you must be so excited," the next person days, "so his mom just gave him away?" I feel the need to be prepared for any action, reaction, or response. "Yes we are excited," or "His mother was unable to take care of him, she did not 'give him away', she make the unselfish decision to provide for his health and future." I do not judge people for their responses, I only hold myself accountable for my reaction and understanding of the situation. It's for me to understand and educate, not to judge.

The quotes above deserve to be read slowly and purposefully. They deserve respect from all perspectives, the authors share their observation about perspective. Yes, Helen Keller, I am willing to learn to be brave and patient (wait contentedly).

C'mon let's celebrate!

2008-06-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

I've been a little distracted lately, a lot going on and a lot of trouble focusing. I feel tired, exhausted and overwhelmed. Too much focus on expectations. I am only human, I just can't meet my own standards and everyone else's. That said, I wanted to post, but really don't know where to start, so I am looking for some positives to catch/keep my focus. I hope these make you smile and maybe even think a little. (clearly thoughts from a scattered mind).

Did you know this is National Turkey Lovers' Month (June)? I'd like to interpret this as "Love the country of Turkey and it's people", versus the animal or as a form of food. And for those of you who don't know, I am Turkish and you should feel free to celebrate my existence in whatever way results in gifts and kind words for me.

Also, today, June 23, is National Pink Day. I am wearing pink and would like some bonus points from the universe for this. I don't normally wear pink, so don't try to dismiss it as coincidence, clearly there is some important meaning here, I just have to figure out what it is. :-)

Most importantly, tomorrow is National/International/Global Forgiveness Day. I can't find any solid documentation on this day being sanctioned, but is there really a day that you would say is not, or cannot, be Forgiveness Day? We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. Everyone has different standards and sometimes we just need to have a heart of forgiveness that it's ok that people may not meet our expectations. It's ok that everyone is different. Forgive yourself, forgive a friend or family member. Forgive and have peace.

June 28 is National Let-it-Go day. So if you just can't bring yourself to forgive, you have 5 days to "let-it-go". Whatever has been bothering you... let it go.

Here is one final thought - I was looking for quotes on the subject of clarity. I found this interesting quote:
When the defects of others are perceived with so much clarity, it is because one possesses them oneself - Jules Rendard

(Trent's psychoanalysis of this blog is that it is representative of how I have been feeling lately, that I would find crazy holidays, represents that I have been feeling crazy lately!)

What's in a name?

2008-06-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

As mentioned in previous blogs (see June 6 blog), Tamene's full name would be announced soon. Here it is directly from the letter I recieved tonight:

Finally.... :)

I had several thought processes behind how to pick Tamene's middle name and perhaps the biggest reason came before I even knew I would be blessed with this wonderful opportunity. When Kami and I went to 6th grade Home-Ec class a wonderful young man was in our class. His name was David. Everyday David would make being in class fun. We got to see the male perspective of Hom-Ec class from how to bake a cake (I think that was via Country Store), sewing (throw it away), to child rearing (babysitters are a good option here). One of the most pertinent memories I have (and we still laugh about this to this today) is always getting in trouble when we'd cook something and everyone would each pick food out of the same bowl. "There are no community bowls allowed in class!!!" Which when you're 11 years old was one of the most meaningless statements ever made. Who has germs at age 11?! Who cares about germs at age 11? David always had a funny comeback!

A few days after we graduated high school David was involved in a horrible car accident. He lived in a vegetative state for 10 years before passing away. David, although a relatively small part of my life, was and still is very memorable to me. He was so caring, funny, intelligent and warm hearted. I often thought if I ever had a son I'd like to include David in his name.

Let's speed up to the present. After Kami told me they were looking into adoption I jokingly emailed her "Do I get to name the baby?" Her response floored me, I have never been so touched by the beautiful email she sent back to me. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it. She told me about how she has always thought of me as her sister, even going as far as including me in her family tree in college. Her and Trenton would be honored for me to pick the middle name. I couldn't believe it!! I was only joking! So out I set on my journey....

In looking for a middle name for Tamene I couldn't find a named I liked. Tamene means trustworthy in Ethiopian. Kami and Trent left the decision completely up to me on whether it would be an American name or an Ethiopian name. After much thought; I decided it would be a good idea to give him an American name in case in his future he wanted to go by a more 'common name'. I spent many hours on the internet looking for a name that would go with trustworthy. I looked up names that meant spirit, or soul, but nothing seemed to fit. I went as far as to look at every boy baby name on one website.

I asked Kaylie [my daughter], to help me look for names. She had a few that she liked, but when we looked them up they didn't seem like a good match. I then looked up the name David which means beloved. That's how Kami's email made me feel: Loved. I started to break apart the name David. Angelisa shares the i, Naven's name has the v, Kami is the a, but nothing for Trenton. I didn't want to leave Trenton out, how fair would that be? This wonderful family is opening their hearts and home to bring in a precious gift, I wanted everyone to be included. Then I found the name Davidson, we got the o for Trenton! I was so excited!! I did it. By naming him Davidson everyone already in the Peterson family will truly be a part of his middle name. (Has anyone yet made the Harley Davidson connection?) But....Davidson? Is that a little to unique? Is it ok with them for name to be Tamene Davidson Peterson?

I called Kam, I needed input. We talked through why I choose it, what it meant, and what it meant to me. He could go by Davidson, David, Dave. She loved it (really, she was just as giddy as when she called me on June 11th to tell me she was flying out to go get him because he was so cute and she had to have him this very minute!), now I just needed Trenton's buy in. We talked about it, I again explained my thought process behind it and left it up to them. A few hours later Trenton called back, they liked it. I was so excited. What an opportunity for me to be included in this wonderful life learning experience!

To Tamene: I am so excited to meet you! I can't wait to hold you in my arms and love you just as much as I love the other two Peterson children.

Tamene Davidson Peterson, welcome to our family!!!

The most touching part of this letter is the fact that he is welcomed to "our family" which includes these precious souls who helped chose the name!!

With the utmost gratitude and honor we will bless our child with this name and all the special meaning included.

Edited: Just as a point of information I found the following: Tammana - Amharic, “he was trusted; he relied” I found this name - I bet it is Tamene - his language is not written/documented as I understand it, so spelling is a guess. Anyway, I thought it was interesting, and this spelling gives another perspective on the pronunciation. I look forward to hearing his mother say his name.

FAQ

2008-06-20T16:34:00.000-07:00

Many of you have e-mailed me with specific questions about the adoption (or a recent billboard sighting), so I thought I would use this blog to answer some of those questions:

Q: What is his name?
A: Tamene

Q: How do you say his name?
A: Ta men ay (there isn't an accent on a syllable).

Q: What does his name mean?
A: It means "trustworthy".

Q: Are you going to keep his name?
A: Yes, his first name will be Tamene, we will be announcing his full name soon.

Q: When will you get him?
A: In the next 7-14 days (or so) we should get a call with a "court date". This means that Ethiopia will be issuing a new Birth Certificate and we will officially be his parents. Then we wait for the Birth Certificate to arrive in the US (another 3-4 weeks). Once the Birth Certificate is here we will be scheduled to travel (another 3-4 weeks). If this all goes quickly we should be home with him by the end of August. If we hit any snags it will probably late October.

Q: Will you have to go to Ethiopia to get him?
A: Yes, we will be there for 7 days (it is about a 24 hour plane ride, so we will be away from home for 9 days).

Q: How long has he been in the care center, what is his story before he came to the care center?
A: He came to the care center in May (2008). He was with his mother prior to that time. She took very good care of him and she loved him very much. The details of his story are private and belong to him. Once he is old enough to share his own story, he will decide what to share and who to share it with.

Q: Can you send him toys, etc. now?
A: We were able to send him some pictures of our family and a blanket. We also sent the recordings we made of songs and stories.

Q: Are you excited?
A: Yes.

Q: Is it hard to wait?
A: Yes.

Q: Do you have any new updates?
A: Yes, we received a video from the care center this week. The video is approximately 6 minutes long and shows him playing, eating, drinking, climbing stairs, and smiling, smiling, smiling! Last we week also recieved a report telling us how well he plays with others and listens to his nannies.

Q: Is he perfect?
A: Ok, so no one really asked that questions, but just for the record, YES.

Q: Is that your smiling face on Interstate 94?
A: Yes.

I am happy to field any other questions. Thanks for your interest and following our journey! Also, thanks for your prayers and best wishes, they are very much appreciated!

Shop 'til you drop (and other ways I over do everything)

2008-06-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

Where should I start? I found myself in a bit of a pickle yesterday. So much to do... do I do, or do I plan? Should I plan what I need to do next, or just do what I need to do? I love lists. Make a list and check it off. I love a box with a little check mark in it. At work I make lists and each "to-do" item has a little box in front of it, then when I have desk time, I look for all those little boxes and check, check, check. Planning would be required if I want all those little checks. The little checks represent sanity. They are like a bank account, if I have too many boxes and no checks, that is very, very bad. I always have to be ready with the checks to keep my accounts balanced.

In my head there was a list, it included endless, endless, huge stacks of paperwork that needed to be completed for travel, impossible to make phone calls to government agencies, packing ten suitecases filled with carts and carts of items to be purchased from Target. And these HUGE tasks in my head were not possible to complete... There I was in my head pushing around the red shopping carts, with nearly a thousand dollars in merchandise at Target I had to pull two on my own, and my kids where their hungry and needing to urgently use the bathroom. How would I ever survive?

Thank God (litterally) for my friend who is willing to give me a reality check. "Kamille, snap out of it! What do you NEED to do? I need to make a list. So I did, I did make a list. And after 2 hours of paperwork, copies and forms, the paperwork was done. After printing 5 pages of lists of items to purchase, we made it through half the list in an hour for around $300 at Target, with two content little girls who only needed to be bribed with the purchase of Polly Pockets to tolerate this shopping trip. After two weeks of insane worry and anxiety and several sleepless nights I resolved the issue within 3-4 working hours. I shouldn't say I - we resolved it. Trent and my friend helped me through it. Less then 24 hours from the chaotic list in my head there are 5 pages of lists just full of checks.

I feel better.